Dang, This is Fun!
by LilMissCellist
Summary: Me, my friend, and my little bro all get sucked into Bleach. Why? I don't know. I was bored. But I do know one thing: Dang, this is fun! Rated T for language. Ya, I know, crappy summary. Just read it before Grimmjow goes all crazy on ya.
1. Stupid Fucking House of Mirrors

**A/N: Hello fellow fanfic users! I have another new story! Yay! This one is a typical self-insert involving me (Meridian), my friend Max, and my brother Zane. I love reading self-inserts, so I thought it would be fun to write one. **

**I'm not really sure where it's going plot-wise, but it's mostly just for fun :P**

**Also, be warned. Me and Max like a lot of Bleach guys and will probably go all fan-girl over them in the story. **

**You have been warned. **

**Oh, and these are all fake names. Real people, fake names. Got it? Good.**

**A few more things. 1) Aberdeen, SD doesn't actually have a summer fair. I made it up. 2) I use the word "gay" a lot, so don't be offended by it. I have nothing against gay/bi/lesbian people. One of my friends is gay. Don't be offended. **

**I don't own Bleach.**

**Read and Review!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"Meridian! Come on! I wanna go into the house of mirrors!" Max yelled in her southern Alabama accent, pulling me along into said house of mirrors.

"Calm down Max! We gotta wait for Zane!" I said back, pulling my arm free from her grasp. "Zane! Hurry the fuck up! We wanna go in the house of mirrors dammit!" I called.

Zane's my little brother, and Max is my one of my best friends. Me and Zane live in little old Aberdeen, South Dakota. Don't know where that is? Yeah, most people don't. Look it up, dammit. It's on the fucking map. Anyway, one of my best friends, Max, is visiting for the summer from Alabama. I'm 15, she's 14, and Zane's 13. We all get along pretty well, actually.

It's the summer fair. We have one every year, but Max has never gone to it. Even though she's been visiting Aberdeen every summer since she was, like, 5. So, she's all excited. She's been running around like a 5 year old the whole 2 hours we've been here. I don't really mind or anything, I just thought I ought to let you know.

Zane, my little brother, ran up to us. "Jeez, impatient much?" he said.

"Damn straight. Now let's get our asses into the house of mirrors before Max has another spazz attack." I said, leading the way in.

Max laughed and gave a gave a small yell of success before running ahead of me into the house of mirrors.

"Max! Get back here!" I yelled. Losing her in the crowd would be just my luck. "Max!"

I saw her walk back toward us, slightly pouting and giggling. She was such a little kid.

I rolled my eyes. "We need to get you a damn leash." I muttered.

"Come on, let's just go in." Zane said.

And so we entered.

Me and Zane had been to the fair before, so we knew what it was like already before we even went in. The place was a damn maze. There were mirrors on both sides of the walkway, and they were angled just right so you saw like 10 of you at any one time. The floor was white, and any wall that happened to show (which was like none) was also white, so EVERYTHING was white. And it sucked.

The main walkway branched off into tons of other smaller ones, so it was really maze-like. But, since they didn't want to be sued for getting someone lost and them dying from starvation or something, there were arrows pointing to the way out.

We walked around for a while, and Max was completely mesmerized by all the mirrors and illusions. It was kinda funny.

Then, after tons of pointless wandering and a pain-in-the-ass headache, we ended up in a room. Completely surrounded with mirrors, of course.

"Wow!" Max said, running around the room. All the mirrors were positioned at odd angles and reached all around the room, making a dome like structure of mirrors.

Or, a dome like structure of pain-in-the-ass-ness and stupid mirrors that give me fucking headaches.

But something felt weird. I don't know what it was. But I knew this mirror maze of gay-ness like the back of my hand, and I didn't remember this room.

"Zane, do you remember this room?" I asked. He just shrugged. Bastard.

"Does it feel weird to you?" I pressed. I'm not imagining this. I know I'm crazy, but I know I'm not imagining this dammit!

"Meridian, I don't know!" he said. "And I don't care! Your just paranoid."

I huffed and crossed my arms. "Your mom's paranoid." I muttered.

"We have the same mom." he replied.

"...Shut the fuck up!" I stormed off to the other side of the room. Fine. Be a dick. See what I care.

Max was still spazzing over the mirrors, so I just stood there and waited for her to be done. I looked over into the mirror right next to me, my own reflection looking back at me.

Then I noticed a smudge.

Which bothered me to no end.

And I have no fucking idea why.

So, naturally, I reached out to wipe it away.

And my hand went through the mirror.

…

Yeah, that's right.

_Through_ the damn mirror.

So, of course, I acted as calm as possible in a situation like this.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?"

I pulled my hand out of the mirror and Max and Zane looked at me like I was insane, which I am. I mean, my hand just went through a goddamn mirror.

"DID YOU SEE THAT!" I yelled at them, pointing to the mirror. "MY HAND WENT THROUGH THE GODDAMN MIRROR! THAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!"

Max looked at me, her gray green eyes wide. "OH MY FREAKING GOSH!" she screamed. Then she ran over and did exactly what I was expecting her to do.

She shoved her hand through the mirror, too.

And then she let out an ear-splitting scream that probably should have broken every mirror in the room.

But didn't.

Zane came up behind Max and slapped his hand over her mouth, thus ending the scream. But his hand was only there for a second, because as soon as it clamped over Max's mouth, she bit him.

"Fuck!" he yelled, cradling his injured hand.

Max laughed.

So did I.

It was funny! Everyone who knows Max knows not to do that type of thing, because she bites. Duh.

Then our attention turned back to the mirrors, where Max's hand was currently still in.

"So, I wonder if our whole body can go through?" I asked.

"And where does it lead?" Zane put it.

"Let's find out!" Max yelled.

And before me or Zane could stop her, she ran straight into the mirror.

And through it.

Me and Zane looked at each other, shrugged, and ran through the mirror too. 

Eh, why not?

What's the worst that could happen?

Aw shit, I shouldn't have said that.

Now it's probably gonna be the worst case scenario.

Just because I'm stupid.

Dammit.

**A/N: So I hope you liked it. It was a ton of fun writing this :)**

**Anyway, you should review!**


	2. Bleach? Aw Hell Yeah!

**A/N: I hope your liking the story so far. I know, it's a little random. But it's supposed to be! And yes, the characters are based off of real people. I really do have a friend from Alabama, but her name's not Max. And I really do have a little brother, but his name's not Zane. So yeah.**

**Thanks to daydreamer1008 and GrimmyRayne.**

**So, I've got like 6 chapters already written, but I'm not going to post them all at once. I'll attempt to update every other day or so (although no promises). I like having a couple pre-written chapters, so if I'm having some serious writer's block I can just upload one of them. **

**I don't own Bleach.**

**Read and Review!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I was floating. It was really weird. It was black, everywhere. I felt weightless. I was floating through a black abyss of nothing-ness.

There was nothing to hear. Nothing to see. Nothing to feel. Nothing to taste. Nothing to smell.

Just, nothing.

Aw shit.

Am I dead?

Then I saw a light.

And I started going towards it.

Damn.

I am dead.

The light got brighter as I got closer, and soon it engulfed all of my vision.

* * *

I opened my eyes to see a red and orange sky and a really bright setting sun.

Which blinded me.

"Ah fuck!" I yelled, covering my eyes and rolling over. Only to discover I still had a MAJOR headache from the damn house of mirrors.

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. I had been laying on pavement, which was weird, and I didn't really recognize where I was.

"Hey lady, are you okay?"

I turned around spaztically to see a little kid with bright red hair. He was wearing a white t-shirt and blue jean shorts, and was holding a broom.

Fuck.

Jinta?

From Bleach?

Nuh-uh.

"Uh, yeah. Um, random question, but, what's your name?"

He looked a little confused. "Jinta. Why?"

My emerald green eyes widened.

Holy. Shit.

Jinta.

From Bleach!

Then that means the run-down little shop right over there is...

Kisuke Urahara's Shop!

Ohmyfreakinggosh!

I totally love Kisuke Urahara!

-insert fan girl scream here-

Everything looks so much more familiar now! I recognize Karakura Town.

I stood up. "Hey, Jinta, you work in that shop over there, right?"

"Yeah. Why do you care lady?" he replied.

"I'd like to talk to your boss. Don't worry, I think I know him."

He raised an eyebrow, then shrugged. "Whatever." he said, and led me to the shop.

We walked in and he told me to wait by the door while he went and got Kisuke. And a couple minutes later, Kisuke Urahara was standing in front of me.

Oh. My. Gosh.

"Hello. What can I do for you today?" he asked.

I smiled. "Well, you see, I'm in a bit of a...strange, predicament and I was hoping you'd be able to help. And I know this sounds weird and stalker-ish, but I promise I'm not a stalker. It's just that, you don't know me, but I know you."

He pulled out his fan to cover his face, and I took that as a sign that he was interested. "Oh? And how do you know me?" he asked.

"It's a long story."

"How do I know you're not lying?" he asked again.

"Because I know you used to be Captain of the 12th division and turned it into the Research and Development squad."

His fan, which he had been waving back and forth slightly, stopped suddenly. The room was dead silent, and Kisuke just stared at me.

"Looks like you do know me." he said in a low voice. "Now, I think you should explain who it is you are and how exactly you know me."

I nodded. "My name is Meridian. Believe it or not, I'm from a different world. It's just the same as this one, except Soul Reapers and Hollows and the Soul Society doesn't exist. Oh, and I don't live in Japan. I live across the world in the United States of America, in a mid west state called South Dakota. Anyway, the reason I know about all that stuff, is because where I come from, it's all part of a TV show.

No joke. It's called Bleach. I know all about you, and Ichigo, Rukia, Chad, Uryu, Orihime, Yoruichi, and even Isshin. I know all the captains of the 13 Court Guard Squads and lieutenants. I know at least half of their zanpakuto and what they do, and I know all the bad guys. Um, what's the deal on Sosuke Aizen? Did he, do anything, bad, yet?"

"He betrayed the Soul Society." Kisuke stated.

"Right. How long ago was that, exactly?"

"Recently."

"Ok. So does the word "arrancar" mean anything to you right now?"

"No."

"Alright." Okay, I know exactly where they are in the story line. Good.

"So, you see, my issue is that I'm in the wrong world. And I was just wondering if maybe you had any idea as to why or how I got here, or how to get back, or-"

I cut off and my eyes widened. "Oh shit! Zane! And Max! Aw dammit!"

Where were they? They must have been thrown into the Bleach world too, right? Well, if that's that case, then there's no need to worry about Max. She's knows more about Bleach than me, and she'll figure it out soon if she hasn't already. But Zane doesn't know as much. He just recently started getting into Bleach and he I will worry about.

"And who are Zane and Max?" Kisuke asked.

"Max is my best friend, and she's probably fine. But Zane is my little brother, and him I have to worry about. He doesn't know as much about Bleach, he won't know what the hell is going on! Aw dammit!"

"How do you know they are both here?" Kisuke said.

"Because we ran through the mirrors!"

Kisuke looked confused.

"We were at a festival, and there was a house of mirrors, and we went in this room, and it was really weird, and my hand went through the mirror, so Max ran through it to see where it led and then me and Zane both did too! Which means they should both be here."

Kisuke nodded. "Well, that is definitely an interesting predicament. Do you have anywhere to spend the night, Meridian?" he asked.

"Nope."

"Then why don't you stay here? Tomorrow we can go out and look for your brother and friend and then get this whole thing sorted out, okay?" he suggested.

"Okay, that works. Thanks!"

Oh. My. Gosh.

I'm staying the night at Kisuke Urahara's shop!

HELL YEAH!


	3. MAX  CHAN!

**A/N: Haha, so in case you're stupid, I am a Kisuke Urahara fan girl. Although not limited to just him. I am a fan girl for a lot of Bleach guys, but I do have a main guy that I like best.**

**Grimmjow.**

**Fuck. Yeah. **

**Grimmjow is the best, and in other chapters there may be just a little bit of Ichigo bashing, just because me and Max don't like him as much anymore since he killed Grimmjow and Ulquiorra. Oh, and Max's main guy is Ulquiorra. She loves UlquiHime. Anyway, Ulquiorra and Grimmjow will come into the story eventually, I just don't know when. I'm kinda making this up as I go along, so we'll see how it turns out. **

**Oh, Zane's favorite characters are Toshiro and Chad, but Zane is straight so he's not gonna go all gay on them. **

* * *

I slowly opened my eyes and looked up to see an unfamiliar room.

Shit.

Where the fuck am I?

I let out a scream and had a spazz attack.

Which caused me to fall out of the bed and land on the ground with a loud thud.

Yeah, I do that when I wake up in a room I don't recognize. But somehow I can walk through a freaking mirror and end up in a world I thought was fictional and accept it, just like that.

Yeah, I'm insane, I know.

"Miss Meridian, are you okay?" I bolted upright to see a little girl with black pigtails, a white t-shirt and a pink polka dot skirt.

Oh yeah.

Ururu.

That's right. I remember where I am now.

"Yeah. Sorry, I forgot where I was, and I kinda tend to freak when that happens. My bad."

She just nodded and ran out. I stood up and stretched. There weren't any clocks or windows in here, so I had no idea what time it was. Probably around 10 ish. That's when I usually tend to wake up. At least, when I haven't stayed up all night.

I ran a hand through my messy, multicolored hair. Yeah, I'm the kind of girl who re-dyes her hair every other week because she gets bored with how it looks. I really like it now, though, and I might keep it like this. My long, wavy hair was dyed jet black, the ends dyed a bright lime green. My bangs, which cover half of my right eye, were also dyed bright lime green. I usually kept it in a high ponytail, with two strands of the long part of my hair hanging down on either side of my face.

It was really tangled, and I didn't have my brush.

Dammit. That's gonna be a bitch to brush through when I get a brush to use.

So I just grabbed the lime green ponytail holder off my wrist and threw my hair up in a ponytail. Much better.

I then attempted to smooth out the bright green tank top I was wearing. I had just slept in my normal clothes because Kisuke didn't have anything that would fit me. I grabbed my black Columbia jacket from the floor and threw it on before slipping on my shoes and running out of the room.

I looked both ways down the hallway before heading to the front of the shop. I saw Tessai doing...whatever it is he actually does.

"Morning Tessai! Where's Kisuke?"

He looked back at me over his shoulder. "Oh, good morning Miss Meridian. I believe the boss is still sleeping."

"Not anymore I'm not."

Me and Tessai turned to see a very sleepy Kisuke walk out of the hallway and yawn. "A loud scream and thud woke me up." he said.

I giggled. "Sorry."

"Yeah, should've seen that coming." he replied. "Now, I believe we have some things to discuss Meridian. Let's go talk in back and I'll have Ururu bring us some breakfast."

"M'kay."

I followed him to the back and we sat at that little table you always see in his shop.

And yes, it's just as low as it looks.

"Alright Meridian." he started. "As strange as your story is, for some reason I believe you." Score! "But I want to know exactly how much you know." Damn. "Last night, you seemed to know Aizen would do something bad before I told you he betrayed everyone. And then you asked about a weird word, arrancar, or something. You mentioned that this is all a TV show where you come from. What I want to know is, does your TV show follow our lives exactly? And if it does, how much have you seen and how far into the future do you know?"

Ururu walked in then and set down a tray full of yummy looking food. "Thanks Ururu." Kisuke said. Then he looked at me. "Help yourself."

I grinned. "Thanks!" I was starving. I took a plate and started shoving food into my mouth.

"Now, tell me, what's happened so far in your show?" he asked.

I swallowed a mouth full of food before launching into an explanation. I told him everything up till right before the bount arc. I wasn't entirely sure if the bount arc would happen, though. It depends if this follows the manga or anime. The bount arc was just a filler, so I wasn't sure.

After my explanation, he said "Yup, that's pretty much exactly what happened. Is that as far as the show has gone so far?"

I hesitated, for just a second. Damn bount arc. "No. It goes farther. Much farther. But I don't exactly know what happens next. It kinda depends on some stuff. See, it wasn't just a TV show. It was a manga, too. And at this point, the manga and anime are different. Since the anime goes so much faster, they had to throw in a filler arc to give the manga time to catch up. I don't know if the filler is going to happen or not, because it was only in the anime and not manga." I shrugged.

"I see." he murmured.

Then Tessai came in. "Boss, someone's here to see you." he said. "I'm not sure who she is, but she insists that she sees you."

"Hm? Alright." Me and Kisuke both got up and walked back out towards the front of the shop.

And I was totally not expecting who I saw.

"Well, hello. And who might you be?" Kisuke said.

She was a girl with pale skin, and chest length wavy blonde hair with gray green eyes. She wore dark blue jeans and a black T-shirt with a red open jacket on top. And a very familiar necklace. It was a silver heart with rhinestone studded wings.

"MAX!"

"MERIDIAN!"

Max launched herself at me and trapped me in a death grip hug. "Oh my freaking gosh I found you!" she twanged in her southern accent.

I laughed. "Holy shit, you act like you haven't seen me in years! It's been one day!"

"Yeah, a really fucking long day! I had to spend the night on top of Orihime's house because I couldn't freaking find this shop!" she yelled.

"Haha that's your own fault. I woke up right outside of it."

She stuck her tongue out at me. I turned to Kisuke. "Kisuke, this is my friend Max I was talking about yesterday. Max, this is Kisuke Urahara."

Max's eyes got really big, and a huge smile broke out over her face. Heh, yeah, Max likes Kisuke too. How could you not?

"Hi!" she squealed.

"Hello." Kisuke said back.

Max giggled.

"Hey Max, I don't supposed you happened to see any arrancar around, have you? I think we're supposed to be around the time when they come in, but I'm not sure."

Max thought for a second, then said "Oh yeah! Yup I did. Last night I saw Isshin battling Grand Fisher. It was sooo freaking epic!"

I smiled. Lucky bitch.

"Max, Meridian. Isn't there someone you need to find?" Kisuke asked.

My eyes got wide.

Shit! I forgot about Zane!

"Aw dammit! Yeah! We gotta find Zane!"

"You lost your brother?" Max accused.

"Shut up! It's not my fault!"

"Well, where could he be?"

"I don't know! Zane has only seen up to the bount arc, he probably has no fucking idea what's going on right now! He doesn't know what happens next, which is-"

I cut off with a gasp. Aw shit. Yammy and Ulquiorra.

Max's eyes widened. "Yammy and Ulquiorra." she said.

Then she did another fan girl scream. "Yay! I get to see my Ulqui-kun soon! HECK YUS!"

"Max! This is not as good as you think it is!"

Aw shit. This was very, very bad.

"You remember what they do when they get here, right? What if they catch Zane! What if he gets caught up in it like Tatsuki! Oh my gosh, if they hurt Zane Imma fucking kill them all! Even Ulquiorra! Dammit!"

Max looked surprised. I usually wasn't this serious.

"Maybe you should explain, Meridian. This sounds important." Kisuke said.

Right. I launched into an explanation of arrancar, what they were, their abilities, all that shit. Between Max and me, we got a pretty good explanation of them. We explained how they're supposed to attack Orihime and Chad but they get their asses kicked, and then how Ichigo comes but can't fight because of that goddamn hollow in him and then how Kisuke and Yoruichi come and save the day.

"I gotta find Zane right away!"


	4. Firin' His Lazah

**A/N: So...I lost my brother!**

**...heh heh heh...**

…**.shit.**

**Well don't worry cause this isn't gonna turn into some dumbass drama involving me and Max running around everywhere looking for Zane. **

**I put it as a humor for a reason, people! DUH.**

**By the way, thanks to Peace shadow, daydreamer1008, and Kyonkichi9. A cookie to you all :)**

**Oh, and this is my first attempt at a humor story, but I think it's pretty good. I don't know what you think, and if you don't like it, well, I honestly DON'T GIVE A FUCK!**

**Flame me if you wanna, doesn't matter to me. **

**One of my teachers said he had 4 simple rules to life that he followed, and personally, I like them. And #3 was take nothing personal. Which I don't.**

**So, on that happy note,**

**ENJOY DAMMIT!**

* * *

Damn.

Karakura Town is a helluva lot bigger in real life.

The characters make it look like it's super easy, running from one side of the town to the other.

Well guess what?

IT FUCKING SUCKS.

Me and Max have been running around ALL FUCKING DAY looking for Zane.

And I still have no idea where the hell he is.

That little son of a bitch.

It's, like, 100 fucking degrees out, there are no goddamn clouds to provide any shade relief, I'm not very athletic as it is, and guess what else?

Mother Nature decided to be a mega BITCH.

I'M ON MY GODDAMN PERIOD.

So I'm not in a very good mood, and I swear the first bad guy I see is gonna get a major cussing out just because I need to be pissed at SOMEONE.

Ya know what?

I'm taking a break.

I don't care if Zane's soul is in danger of being sucked up by Yammy right now.

Or if Zane is in danger of getting his ass handed to him by Ulquiorra.

I'm fucking tired, so I'm taking a fucking break.

And that's that.

Looking around, I realized that I'm in the same general area where Yammy and Ulquiorra fight Orihime and Chad.

Oh fucking joy.

I heard something rustling in the bushes.

So I spun around all ninja like and yell, "Who the fuck is there? Leave me alone, dammit! I've had enough shit today! Don't make me rip your fucking intestines out!"

...And Max comes out.

She rolls her eyes. "You are such a drama queen." she said.

I flipped her off.

"Have you found Zane yet?"

She shook her head.

"Dammit."

She came and sat next to me on the grass. "Ugh, I'm tired." she complained.

"Holy shit, do not EVEN go there."

Max giggled. She looked around, and after a minute, I heard the gasp I was waiting for.

"OH MY GOSH THIS IS THE PLACE WHERE YAMMY AND ULQUIORRA COME TO!"

Damn, she can scream loud.

"No shit, Sherlock."

Then, speak of the fucking devil, this huge pressure came crashing down on us.

...Goddamn spiritual pressure.

"I...think they're...here...now."

I barely managed to choke out the words, the damn spiritual pressure was so intense.

Max just nodded.

Then her eyes got huge and she started pointed and grunting like a fucking retarded monkey.

I turned my head and followed her gaze and...

GOD. DAMMIT.

Fucking Zane was just rushing into the area, but was now on his knees because of the spiritual pressure.

"ZANE!"

Ha. I can still yell.

"RUN!"

He glared at me.

Oh yeah.

Spiritual pressure has a tendency to kinda incapacitate a person.

Heh heh heh...

My bad.

So then the stupid friggin' Garganta decides to open up.

Right above us.

...And Max is still pointing and grunting like a fucking retarded monkey, but now she's aiming at the sky.

Because her ever precious Ulqui-kun is coming out of the Garganta.

…**.**

Oh. My. Gosh.

Every Ulquiorra fan girl is gonna be soo jealous of me right now.

Because if you thought he was hot in the anime/manga, you should see him in real life.

I nearly fainted, he was soo hot.

Yeah, I know I said I'm a Grimmjow fan girl, WHICH I AM, it's just that Ulquiorra comes in a very, VERY, close second.

And DAMN, was he fine.

...So now we're both pointing and grunting like fucking retarded monkeys.

Yammy and Ulquiorra come down to the ground, and they're both just freaking staring at us.

Yammy has the most perfect WTF look on his face.

And Ulquiorra comes as close as I think he ever will to also having a WTF look on his face.

Damn, I wish I had a camera right then.

That was freaking priceless!

Their spiritual pressure FINALLY eased up, and me and Max burst out laughing our asses off.

I laughed so hard I couldn't breath, and Max had tears in her eyes.

I looked over at Zane, and he was on the ground.

I immediately had one of those mini-heart attacks. You know, like in that one moment when you rock just a little too far back in your chair and you almost fall back but don't?

Yeah, one of those.

It's only a mini because I realized he's on the ground laughing.

And not injured.

Yay!

"You-you-you...HAHAHAHA!" Max attempted to say something and pointed at them, but doubles over in laughter before she can really say anything.

"You should see the look on your faces!"

I had to scream it for Max, because she still can't talk.

I'm surprised I can.

Cause, ya know, I still can't really breath. From laughing so hard.

So we finally calm down, and then it's just kind of a staring contest between the four of us. Excluding Zane, cause he's way the fuck on the other side of the area-place-thingy.

Yammy still has his WTF look, and Ulquiorra is back to his normal "I'm emo and bored so don't fucking bother me" look.

And I swear I heard Ulquiorra mutter "Trash."

-insert fan girl scream here-

And I guess Max heard it too, cause she joined me in my fan girl screaming.

Then Zane walked over, and just to be a dick towards Yammy and Ulquiorra, he struck a very gay (and funny) pose and started screaming just like us.

It was effing hilarious.

Then Ulquiorra raised his finger and aimed it at us.

In preparation of a cero.

...Shitballs.

"Ulquiorra's firin' his lazah! RUN!" Max screamed.

Zane didn't know what the hell was happening, so he just kept screaming like a retard. I grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the way right as Ulquiorra's cero blasted the space we had just occupied.

…**.**

DAAAAAMN.

Our asses almost got CERO-ED.

"HOLY SHIT!" Zane yelled.

"Max yelled 'run' for a reason, stupid."

He glared at me.

"Uh guys? I think we should leave now." Max whispered. "Yammy looks _pissed_."

I looked over and...whaddya know, he does!

Which probably isn't good.

"Yeah. Let's go tell Kisuke they're here. Him and Yoruichi have to come and save everyone's ass."

Max and Zane nodded and we started running (AGAIN) to Kisuke's shop.

Stupid lack of public transport.


	5. Rescuing the Main Character's Ass

**A/N: Haha, fun chapter last time, huh?**

**WE ALMOST GOT FUCKING CERO-ED!**

**...'nuff said. **

**Haha, I lied. **

**Thank you to TheEspadaSisters, TheOrihimeLuver and daydreamer1008.**

**NOW 'nuff said. **When we FINALLY made it to Kisuke's shop, I yelled, "Yes!" and burst in, Max and Zane right behind me.

* * *

"Yo Kisuke!"

I saw him walk out of the back hallway with a black cat following him. Zane had this huge-ass smile on his face, and me and Max started yelling.

"Oh my gosh it's Yoruichi!"

"You're like a freaking ninja!"

"Hello girls." Kisuke said. "And I assume this is Zane?"

Zane nodded. "Yep. Nice ta meet ya."

Me and Max were still fawning over Yoruichi and her epic ninja awesomeness, so Kisuke asked Zane, "What's going on that brings you three back here?"

He shrugged. "No freaking clue. I haven't got this far in the anime. Oh, but we did see Ulquiorra and Yammy, if that's important at all."

Kisuke pulled out his fan. "Yeah, I think that's important. Thanks. Hey Max, Meridian!" he called.

"Yeah?" I said distractedly.

"Didn't you say some one needed some help fighting against Yammy earlier?"

I tore my attention away from the epic talking cat and gave Kisuke my full attention.

"Oh. Shit. Yeah."

"Well, shall we go then?"

"Yeah, probably. Hey Max, let's go visit Ulqui-kun!"

Max's face lit up. "YES! NEVER FEAR ULQUI-KUN! MAX-CHAN IS ON THE WAY!" She pointed her finger in the sky and struck a heroic pose before dashing out the door like the insane fan girl she was.

I laughed. "Come on, let's follow her!"

* * *

When we finally got there, we were too late. We had hoped to prevent the fighting, but oh well. Ichigo was getting his ass handed to him ROYALLY, and Orihime and Chad were just laying over there, doing...nothing.

Me and Max laughed.

The ever perfect main character was losing! That defies the laws of anime! So we laughed.

"You might want to go help them," I barely choked the words out, I was laughing so hard.

Max just nodded, and Zane looked pissed.

Oh, probably because his favorite character, Chad, got his ass handed to him.

Haha.

Kisuke sighed (I think it was directed at us) and took off to help. Yoruichi, already in human form, followed. We all watched the epic battle ensue. And damn, was it epic.

Kisuke and Yoruichi are my two favorite people to watch in battle. Yoruichi because she's so cool with her awesome ninja skills. I like ninjas. Watching Yoruichi fight is just like watching a ninja, so naturally I would enjoy a battle with her in it.

I loved watching that battle between her and Soi Fon. That was the most awesome ninja battle. Ever.

Anyway, I like watching Kisuke fight just because of his style. He's strong and cocky. A very good combination. It's so funny watching Yammy get pissed.

Especially when his anger isn't directed at you.

Sadly though, the battle was quick.

When it was over, me, Max, and Zane followed Yoruichi and Urahara back to his shop.

"Those arrancar were a lot harder than I had anticipated," Yoruichi said, sitting down at the little table and helping herself to some food.

"Yes." Kisuke agreed. Then he looked at us. "Did things work out the same as in your anime?"

Me and Max nodded and, after sneaking a glance at us to see if it had, Zane did too.

Kisuke nodded. "Alright. I assume you probably won't tell us if this all ends badly?"

"Nope." Max said, smiling.

"If something doesn't go according to plan, we'll let you know. But other than that, we really shouldn't tell you guys what's going to happen unless it doesn't affect anything. We're from a different world, and I'm pretty sure Tite Kubo would be effing pissed if we screwed up his story line." I smiled sweetly.

Zane nodded and added, "Yeah. And I really don't want some angry Japanese guy hunting me down." he shuddered.

I laughed.

Can't you just imagine a very pissed off Tite Kubo hunting down some poor American for screwing up his story?

Yoruichi looked confused, but ignored us and just kept eating.

Kisuke smiled slightly. "Right. Well, what are you three going to do now?" he asked.

"Weeeeellll..." I drew out the word and looked at him expectantly, hoping he would get the hint.

And he didn't.

"Since we're from a different universe and don't really have anywhere to stay...I don't know. I guess we could brave it out on the streets for the remainder of our time here, although I have nooo idea how long that may be. And it is pretty dangerous, what with hollows and arrancars everywhere and stuff..." I looked up at him, using my sweet and (not really) innocent green eyes to make the perfect sad puppy dog face. I even stuck out my lower lip a little and it looked like I was on the verge of tears.

That is, if you didn't know me really well.

Which Kisuke didn't.

Max and Zane, who knew exactly what I was doing, hid their laughs they best they could and followed my example with the sad puppy dog look.

Kisuke sighed in defeat. "Alright, you can stay here." he grumbled.

I pumped my fists in the air and Max trapped Zane in her death grip of a hug, and all of us shouted "Hell yes!"

I swear I saw Kisuke roll his eyes under his hat.

After we calmed down, I cleared my throat and looked between Kisuke and Yoruichi with a slightly evil smile on my face. "And now, if you will excuse us, we need to go register as students at Karakura High School." And with that, I turned on my heel and walked out of the shop.

Max laughed like a maniac and followed, and Zane smiled just as evilly as I had before following too.

Even Zane knew what happened next, and as we headed in the general direction of the high school, there was a completely, mischievously, evil glint in our eyes.

Oh yeah. Getting sucked into Bleach? Best. Experience. EVER.

**

* * *

**

A/N: Hehehe...

**TheOrihimeLuver: Wow, I'm glad you like my story so much! But I really hope there wasn't a lot of injury/damage to your head because of it, haha.**

*****I EDITED THIS CHAPTER. I DIDN'T CHANGE THE STORY LINE AT ALL, BUT FAN FIC DOT COM CAN BE REALLY STUPID AND IT DIDN'T PUT ANY SPACINGS BETWEEN LINES, SO IT WAS JUST ONE HUGE PARAGRAPH. I FIXED THAT. SORRY TO ANY HEADACHES CAUSED BECAUSE OF BAD SPACING. **


	6. Messing With Their Heads

**A/N: Damn, this is fun! **

**I love this story.**

**I hope you guys are liking it too.**

**And, as of now, I think this is the longest chapter so far! Yayz!**

**Thank you to Rangiku567 and all my other normal reviewers whose names I'm too lazy to write down right now :)**

**Anyway, read, review, enjoy!**

* * *

Getting into Karakura High School proved to be a little more difficult than we had thought.

Probably because I was the only real high school student out of us three.

But so what? Zane was pretty much as tall as me and Max, and when they tried they could act pretty mature.

Or so I thought.

To get registered, it took a helluva lot of persuading and money. And the goddamn principal wouldn't believe we were all three orphaned siblings, so we had to persuade Kisuke to get his lazy ass down there and pretend to be our dad.

Which wasn't all that convincing. I mean, he could probably pass off as Max's dad, but me and Zane? Yeah, that was a little harder. And we couldn't pretend Yoruichi was our mom, mainly because her skin was too dark. All three of us had pretty pale skin, and there was no way the stupid principal would believe that.

So, when the principal asked why my eyes were such a deep green and why Zane's were such a deep blue when Kisuke's were gray, we said Zane had our mom's eyes and I used contacts to make mine like that. Then he asked about our hair. I told him I dyed mine, which was pretty damn obvious, and Zane had our mom's dark brown almost black-ish hair and freckles.

He didn't really push that, because we said our mom died. And it looked like he really did not want to deal with 3 emotional students in his office.

Pansy.

Anyway, I think he believed that Max was Kisuke's daughter (they really did look a lot like each other) and that me and Zane were siblings, but I really don't think he believed me, Zane and Max were all related.

But we were causing such a fuss that I think he just wanted us the hell out of there, so he let us register.

Yay!

But now we owe Kisuke. Big time.

Dammit.

Then we got our uniforms. Which sucked. In my old high school, we didn't need uniforms. Just ID badges so they knew we weren't some crazy ass freak coming to kill everyone.

Anyway, I tried to demand a male student uniform, but they wouldn't allow it. Stupid school.

The reason I didn't want a girl uniform was because of that damn skirt. It was waaaay too short, and it looked really slutty.

That, and the fact that I cannot STAND skirts. They piss me off.

Max didn't look too thrilled about the skirt either, but she didn't put up a big huge fit like I did.

I really did not want to wear that damn thing.

* * *

By the next morning, I had fixed the skirt issue.

After we registered, I "borrowed" some money from Kisuke and went shopping. It wasn't an all out shopping spree, even though I was so tempted, I just needed one thing.

A pair of light blue jeans.

Which I found.

They were the perfect pair. They were flare jeans, my favorite, and they were that really weird light blue-gray wash color so they matched my outfit perfectly.

So, on the first day of school, I wore the jeans under my skirt. Which I couldn't get in trouble for, because I was still wearing the school uniform. So ha.

When we got to school, we were all in the same class so Ms. Ochi introduced us. No one seemed really excited for getting three new students.

There had already been a couple new kids.

Toshiro's group had already gotten here, and were apparently new yesterday.

Although people did stare a little at my funky hair and one kid yelled out, "Why are you wearing pants?"

My temple throbbed, just a little. "Because these skirts are slutty."

"So?"

"So, I'm not a slut you faggot!"

I got detention for that.

"That wasn't very beautiful." I heard Yumichika mutter.

"I don't know, it's kind of a cute look." Rangiku said.

"Shut up! I can hear you, ya know! Stop talking about me like I wasn't standing right here! And I don't care if it's 'beautiful' or not, pretty boy!" I pointed at Yumichika, my temple throbbing.

The class laughed, and Yumichika just flipped his hair and glared at me.

I glared right back.

Then, when Ms. Ochi told us to take our seats, I sat in the one right behind Yumichika.

Just so I could bug the hell out of him all day.

I don't like Yumichika all that much.

Although, he is pretty good looking.

Just saying.

Max and Zane sat on either side of me, and we were all in the back row. Ikkaku (that poor soul) was in front of Max, and Renji was in front of Zane.

Needless to say, Ikkaku now pretty much hates Max, and Yumichika hates me.

Renji doesn't hate Zane, although Zane did put a note on the back of Renji's shirt that said, "Kick me if you think I should switch my name to Red Pineapple", so he did get kicked, a lot, that day.

Especially by Ichigo, but that was mostly because he just wanted an excuse to kick Renji.

* * *

At lunch, Me, Max and Zane all sat by ourselves. But not for very long.

"Hi! You're the new kids, right?"

We looked up to see a smiling Orihime. Figures. She would be the one to try to make friends with us.

Max nodded and smiled back. "Yup! I'm Max, that's Zane, and that's Meridian." she said, pointing at each of us respectively.

"I'm Orihime Inoue. It's nice to meet you! Do you guys want to come join me and my friends for lunch?" she asked.

Zane started to say no, but I quickly cut him off. "Sure Orihime! Thanks."

We got up and followed Orihime over to where the others sat, and Zane whispered to me, "Ya know, this might not be a good idea. Ikkaku and Yumichika already hate you guys."

I smiled. "All the more reason to join them, bro."

He chuckled quietly and we sat down in their little circle. Orihime started introductions.

"Guys, this is Meridian, Max, and Zane." She pointed to each of us in turn.

They all waved or said some form of hello before Orihime was shooting out their names at us.

"And here's Ichigo, Rukia, Chad, Uryu, Toshiro, Rangiku, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Renji, Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, and Chizuru."

"Why hello~ Max." Keigo said. "Wow you're pretty!"

"Awww, she's so cute!" Chizuru tackled me into a hug.

Zane laughed at us.

"Leave me alone, Chizuru." I punched her, and Tatsuki gave me an approving smile.

"Freak." Max said calmly. She took Keigo's hand (he had been trying to hold hers) and bit him before kneeing him in between his legs.

He doubled over on the ground, and everyone laughed.

Haha. Stupid Keigo.

The rest of lunch was fun, we all got along really well, but no one mentioned anything remotely close to hollows, Soul Reapers, the Soul Society, Quincys, or anything. Not even a hollow alert.

I was a little bummed.

Of course, that probably had to do with the fact that Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, and Chizuru knew nothing about that stuff. And that they didn't know that we did.

We mentioned that we had no parents, so Orihime asked us where we were living.

"With an old friend." Zane said.

"He owns a little run down candy store." Max added.

Everyone except for Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro and Chizuru stared at us.

Haha.

"Do you mean, Kisuke Urahara?" Ichigo asked.

I smiled knowingly. "Yup, that's him. Do ya know him?"

"Friend of my dad's," he mumbled, before completely changing the subject.

I exchanged a glance with Max and Zane.

It's so much fun messing with their heads.

* * *

Twenty minutes after school let out for the day, I met up with Max and Zane at Kisuke's.

"Hey guys." I waved.

Zane looked surprised. "Didn't you get detention today for calling that kid a faggot?" he asked.

"Yup."

"Detention lasts an hour. It's only been twenty minutes."

"I know." I smiled.

He laughed. "Nice! Did you climb out the window?"

"Yup. The one in the girl's bathroom."

Max and Zane both laughed.

Then someone else walked into the shop.

And stopped and stared at us, apparently forgetting we said we were staying here.

Renji.

Ha, this was going to fun.

I mock-saluted him. "How's it going, Lieutenant?"

"W-what?" he spluttered, not expecting that.

"Hey Max," Zane said suddenly. "What's your favorite number?"

"Why, I'd have to go with 6." she replied, smiling. "And you?"

"Oh, definitely 6." Zane said back, smiling as well.

"What about you, Lieutenant? What's your favorite number?" I grinned evilly.

He stared at us, apparently unsure what to do.

"Come on now, Lieutenant. It's a very simple question. I'm sure you deal with much harder crap than this on a daily basis." I sounded pretty smug at this point.

Kisuke popped his head in the room then. "My favorite number's 12. Come on now, Renji. Don't you think it would just be appropriate that your favorite be 6?"

"D-do they know?" Renji asked, surprised.

Kisuke smiled evilly. That genius bastard was so on our side. "Know what, _Lieutenant_?"

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" Renji yelled.

Kisuke just laughed and walked away.

Me, Max and Zane all burst into fits of laughter.

"Screw you guys," Renji muttered, walking to the back of the shop.

We just laughed harder.


	7. Rubber Band War

**A/N: Ha! I love messing with people's heads. It's so much fun.**

**I know I said I would try to update every other day, but that's not gonna happen. Sorry. I'm going to try every 3 days, excluding Sunday. I will never update on Sunday for the sole fact that my dearest mother doesn't let me go on the computer on Sunday, which sucks majorly.**

**Sorry for the long wait.**

**Anyway, back to the fun stuff, ya. I don't really like Yumichika. But he's good looking.**

**I like the pretty boy look. **

**It's what makes Byakuya so hot. Haha.**

**Byakuya will eventually end up in this story too. I'm really just making this up as I go along, as I have no pre-writing to follow. So, I don't know when, but I'm going to make sure every Bleach character that I possibly can has some screen time.**

**And guess what else? This is officially the new longest chapter yet! Yayz!**

**Anyway...ENJOY!**

* * *

The next morning, the whole group was at school before us. Actually, we were almost late.

I was really tired.

Anyway, we all took our respective seats in the back if the classroom, and me and Yumichika glared at each other. We weren't on really good terms with each other.

It's just too much fun pissing him off.

Especially when you question his sexuality.

Which led to a very good plan.

I leaned over towards Rangiku and whispered, "Hey, Rangiku. Could you help me out with something?"

"Like what?" she asked.

I motioned for her to come closer and whispered my plan into her ear. A huge smile broke out over her face and she started laughing.

"So will you do it?"

"Sure!" she was still giggling. "You don't even have to pay me. I've actually wanted to test this out for a long time."

I laughed and sat back down in my seat. Zane and Max looked at me curiously.

"Just watch."

Rangiku waltzed over to where Yumichika was standing, talking with Ikkaku.

"Hey Yumichika!" Rangiku said sweetly.

Yumichika sighed. "What do you want, Rangiku?" he sounded irritated.

"Why do you automatically assume I want something?" she pouted. Then she made the perfect move.

She crossed her arms, pushing up her chest and leaned toward Yumichika.

Yumichika's eyes widened and traveled downward before stopping on her chest, which was pretty close to his face.

Speaking of faces, Yumichika's got pretty red.

"Hey! Yumichika!" Rangiku half-whined. "I asked you a question."

Yumichika couldn't even form an intelligible word. It was hilarious.

I started laughing my ass off, and so did Zane and Max.

The rest of the class seemed to have noticed too, because they started laughing as well.

The teacher walked in then. "What's going on here?" she asked.

"Nothing much ma'am." I smiled, still giggling. "Just checking to make sure that pretty boy over there's straight. Cause, ya know, it's kinda questionable."

That got the entire class roaring with laughter. I even saw Toshiro trying (and failing) to hide a smile.

Yumichika finally stopped looking at Rangiku and turned to glare at me. And damn, did he look pissed.

"Why you ugly little bit-"

Ms. Ochi cut him off and yelled for the class to settle down.

And to inform me that I had detention.

Again.

* * *

The rest of the morning was really boring.

Since we didn't really care about education in a different world and country, me, Max, and Zane tried to think of ways to mess with everyone's head to keep us occupied. You know, like hinting that we know what they are without outright telling them.

Like with Renji yesterday.

But it was hard. We're pretty creative, but we still had nothing. Which sucked.

When lunch time came around, we sat with the others like usual.

But some people weren't there.

Oh yeah! Tatsuki was out of town for a karate tournament, and she blackmailed Chizuru to make sure she would stay away from Orihime.

And Keigo and Mizuiro were...well I don't know, but they weren't with the others.

Which made me immensely happy.

"Hey people with the bad-ass super powers," Zane said casually as we sat down.

Everyone stared.

We burst out laughing.

"We know about you guys." Max said, still laughing.

"What are you talking about?" Toshiro said.

"Aw, you know what we mean, _Captain Hitsugaya._"

"We know you guys are Soul Reapers," Zane said. "And we know Uryu is a Quincy, and about Chad and Orihime's abilities."

"I still don't know what you're talking about." Yumichika said, trying to throw us off.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, shut up Mr. Ruri'iro Kujaku."

Yumichika's eyes widened and he glared at me.

He probably really hates me now.

"Ruri'iro Kujaku?" Ikkaku said. "That kinda sounds like your Zanpakuto, Yumichika."

"No it doesn't!" he snapped.

"Oh yeah it does." Max muttered quietly. Me and Zane snickered.

"How do you know about us?" Uryu asked, pushing up his glasses.

"It's kinda a long story, and highly unbelievable." Zane said.

Uryu raised an eyebrow.

Zane shrugged. "You asked for it."

We all launched into an explanation.

And, as predicted, they didn't buy it.

"I don't buy it." Renji said.

Told you.

Zane shrugged. "Told you it was highly unbelievable."

"Well, what can we do to make you believe?" Max asked.

"Cause there's no way in hell we made that up." I added.

"Well, if you know everything about us, what is my Zanpakuto's name and release command?" Toshiro said.

Ha. Easy one. We all answered at the same time.

"Reign over the frosted heavens, Hyroinmaru."

He scowled. "Right."

"Who's Kon?" Ichigo asked.

"The perverted mod soul that lives in a stuffed lion at your house." Zane said.

"Dammit." he muttered.

The stupid Q & A session went on for the remainder of lunch.

And we answered every question right.

* * *

Later that afternoon, I doodled absently on my paper as Ms. Ochi lectured on and on about math.

Uuuugggghhhhh...

The worst part was, I'd already learned all this crap.

I looked to my left and saw Zane sleeping. He looked so peaceful.

Well, we certainly can't have that, now can we?

I snuck my hand down into my bag and fished out a rubber band. I always keep some handy. Then I broke off the plastic thing on my mechanical pencil.

You know, that thing that just kinda sits there by the top that I think is supposed to be used for clipping it to papers or something.

Yeah, that.

Anyway, I stretched the rubber band around my index finger and thumb, put the plastic thing in the middle, pulled back as far as it would go, and aimed straight at Zane's head.

I heard Max giggle, and looked over to see her give me a thumbs up sign. I smiled back evilly and let go. The plastic thing hit Zane's head with a satisfying thwack.

His eyes shot open. "Ow, fucking shit." he muttered.

I started giggling. He looked over at me, saw the rubber band still in my hand, and glared at me.

Still giggling as quietly as possible, I grabbed the end of the rubber band from my index finger and twirled it back, still hooked on my thumb, aiming at Zane. I let it go and it hit his bare arm.

He mouthed "Fuck!" like ten times.

Haha.

Then he reached down into his backpack and pulled out a rubber band ball. He swiftly swiped one off it and shot it at my bare arm.

"Fuck." I hissed, holding my arm.

I glared at him and mouthed, "This means war."

He smiled back smugly and mouthed, "Bring it on."

I reached to the spot in my bag where I kept my rubber bands but I found empty air.

Dammit.

So instead, I grabbed a scrap of paper and quickly scribbled on it, '_Do you have any rubber bands? Its an emergency!'_ I rolled it into a little square-ish ball thing and flicked it at Max.

Her eyes had just started to close when it hit her in the head. Her head shot up and she looked around spaztically before noticing the note. I watched her read it, then she dug around in her bag for a minute before pulling out exactly what I needed.

A rubber band ball.

Weird how we all have rubber bands just randomly off hand, isn't it?

She tossed it to me and I mouthed, "Thank you!"

Then a rubber band hit me in the back of the head.

I turned around dangerously slow and glared at Zane.

"You did NOT just do that." I mouthed

"You're damn right I did," he mouthed back.

Then, it was an all out war.

We were shooting rubber bands at each other like crazy.

And it stung like a mother fucker.

No one noticed either, which was the really funny part.

It's not like we were being subtle or anything.

Well, Max noticed. And she was laughing her ass off as quietly as she could.

We didn't stop until we were both hit in the head with crumpled pieces of paper. Annoyed, I looked around to see who would dare interrupt our war like that.

I saw Toshiro glaring at us. Zane looked over and saw him too.

We both stuck our tongue out at him.

He turned back around and pretended to pay attention to Ms. Ochi. I smoothed out the paper and there was a message written on it: _'Stop acting like children. You're annoying. My group will meet you, Zane, and Max at Kisuke's to discuss things after school today.'_

I made a face and held up the note so Zane could see. He nodded, and I passed it on to Max, who also nodded.

On the back of it, I wrote, _'Give me 20 minutes so I can sneak out of detention. And by the way, we ARE children, if you haven't noticed.' _I crumpled it back up and threw it back at him.

He gave me an annoyed look before reading it and nodding.

Then me and Zane went back to our rubber band war.

Which Ms. Ochi finally noticed.

And we both got detention.


	8. The Soul Society

**A/N: Bwahahaha! Rubber band warz!**

**Thank you to .loveable.95, MaxRide14, Animefreak32541, Bigwordslilowl, and SpyTa, along with all my other normal reviewers. Reviews mean a lot to me guys, so thanks so much.**

**Anyway, I'm sorry it's been sooo long. I got behind, and then grounded from the computer for a week, and then other shit and yeah. Sorry. **

**Updates are going to go to twice a week. That's easier for me.**

**And that's only a rough estimate. If I get more than two done in a week, I'll update more than twice. But expect a minimum of two a week.**

**Now, enjoy this chapter that is now officially the longest! Ha, they just keep getting longer, this is awesome :)**

**Enjoy! And Review!**

* * *

After sneaking out of detention, we met Toshiro and his group at Kisuke's. They were talking quietly when we came in, and they all stopped talking as soon as they saw us.

"Wow, secret much?" Max said, rolling her eyes.

We sat down and Max said, "So what's up?"

"We've talked it over, and as unlikely as your story is, we have no choice but to believe you seeing as you know everything about us." Toshiro said.

"Yay! Little Shiro believes us!" I smiled.

His temple throbbed and he actually looked really pissed. "Don't call me that!"

I laughed. "Calm down, don't get your panties in a bunch."

"What's the catch?" Zane interrupted. "You sounded like there was something else you wanted to say."

"The catch is that you have to come with us to the Soul Society to speak with the Head Captain." Renji said.

Me, Max and Zane exchanged glances.

Then we smiled evilly.

"OH HELL YES!"

Toshiro rolled his eyes. "If you don't have any other business to take care of, we can leave right now."

"YES!"

Toshiro actually looked a little scared by the force of our yell, but only for a minute.

"Renji, prepare the Senkaimon." he said.

"Right." Renji got up and did as he was told.

"Whipped." I said through a fake cough.

Max and Zane snickered and Renji glared back at me.

"How the hell does that make me whipped?" he said. "I'm following orders from someone of a higher rank."

"The hell are you talking about?" I sounded bored. I was trying to throw him off.

"You just called me goddamn whipped!" he yelled.

I rolled my eyes and turned my back to him, mostly to hide my smile. "You're delusional, Pineapple Head."

"Don't call me that you annoying little bitch!" he yelled back. He looked pissed.

"Don't tell me what to do!" I yelled at him.

"You ain't the boss of me!"

"I have a goddamn sword! I could cut you into a million pieces!"

"No you couldn't, you pansy!"

"I'M NOT A FUCKING PANSY!"

"Yup, you are."

"Like hell I am! I'm braver than you are, you annoying, stupid, goddamn bitch!"

"At least I don't make little girls cry!"

"What makes you think I do?"

"You made me cry!"

"What the fuck are you talking about? You're not crying!"

I started to pretend to cry.

Loudly and very obnoxiously.

Max and Zane were laughing so hard they were literally rolling on the floor, Rangiku was giggling, Yumichika and Ikkaku had WTF looks on their faces, and Toshiro looked really annoyed.

"Just go open the damn gate!" Toshiro yelled at him.

Renji stormed off.

My fake crying turned into uncontrollable laughter.

* * *

So the Dangai Precipice place you have to go through to get to the Soul Society?

Yeah.

Creepy. As. Hell.

No joke.

I nearly shit myself.

Well, _that_ one was just a joke.

But seriously?

That place gives me freaking nightmares.

But at least I wasn't alone.

Zane was being just as much of a pansy as I was.

Max, however, thought it was cool.

Which I don't get at all, but whatever.

When we finally saw the light leading out to the Soul Society, me and Zane yelled, "YES! Go towards the freaking light!"

And we did.

We ran ahead to get there first so we could get out of that stupid place, and Max was laughing at us.

So, being the mature 15 year old girl that I am, I stuck my tongue out at her.

She smacked me.

I stuck my tongue out again.

And she hit me again.

This continued for a while, actually.

Zane eventually joined in and every time Max hit me, he cheered.

Awesome little brother, huh?

The others had learned to just kinda ignore us, except for Toshiro apparently. His temple was throbbing the whole time.

He was currently leading us through the Soul Society towards the first division. I probably should have been paying attention to where we were going to avoid getting lost if I ever had to get through here by myself. Which probably would never happen anyway, but you never know.

When we finally got there, all the Captains were already assembled for a meeting.

Me and Max spazzed, just a little.

"OHMYGOSH ITS BYAKUYA!"

"KYORAKUUUUUU!"

"UKITAKE-KUN!"

"KEN-CHAN!"

"OHMYGOSH WE FORGOT TO GO ALL FANGIRL ON TOSHIRO!"

"OH DAMN WE DID! FAIL!"

We were just kinda screaming now, because we were really excited at seeing everyone and not just the people whose names we screamed. Zane looked really happy too, but his attention was elsewhere.

Elsewhere meaning Rangiku.

And since he is male, his attention was right where you think it was.

I'm sure Rangiku noticed too. It was pretty damn obvious. Like wide- eyed, open mouthed obvious.

But she just ignored him.

Then Old Man Yamamoto banged his stick (HAHA XD) on the ground and yelled at us to shut the fuck up. Well, it wasn't worded like that but that was the main message.

"Captain Hitsugaya, who are these strangers you've brought here?" he said.

"Their names are Max, Meridian, and Zane." he explained. "They claim to be from a different universe, and while I find that highly unbelievable, they seem to everything about us and what's happened."

The head captain nodded and pointed at Max. "You. Explain yourselves."

Max made a little _eep_ noise and her eyes went wide.

I leaned over and whispered, "Don't worry, you got this. Just be respectful, don't swear, don't yell, don't lie, and stay calm and relaxed. K?"

She looked at me like I'd grown a third head.

I gave her a thumbs up and stepped back, giving her the floor.

"U-uhh... well, we DO come from a different universe." she stammered quietly, looking anywhere but at the the head captain. "In that world, all if this," she waved her arms around half-heartedly, "doesn't exist, but the reason we know about it is because it's an anime and manga. And we all read it, so that's how we know who you are and what's happened so far. And we know what's gonna happen, too, and... yeah."

Then she ran back and ducked behind Zane. He rolled his eyes and I giggled.

She glared at me.

"You." The head captain pointed at me. "If this is true, tell me everything you know that has happened."

"Yes sir." I said calmly before once again telling the story of Bleach up to the point we were at.

Wait.

Wasn't Grimmjow and his fraccion supposed to be at Karakura hunting down Ichigo right now?

Aw dammit.

Of course, I realized this halfway through my explanation.

And I spazzed, and pretty much broke every rule I told Max.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! GRIMMJOW AND HIS FRACCION ARE PROBABLY IN KARAKURA RIGHT FUCKING NOW AND TOSHIRO AND HIS GROUP NEED TO GET THEIR ASSES BACK THEIR AND KICK SOME MAJOR ASS! AND YOU GUYS NEED TO AUTHORIZE GENTEI KAIJO SO THEY DON'T FUCKING DIE!" I screamed.

Everyone stared, and Max screamed too when she processed what I'd said.

"OHMYGOSH YOU'RE RIGHT!"

"I KNOW!"

"SHIT WE SCREWED UP!"

"DAMMIT I KNOW!"

"WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NOW!" Zane yelled.

"WE DON'T KNOW!"

Then we all screamed.

Head Captain Yamamoto banged his stick on the ground again and yelled "Silence!"

We shut up instantly.

We really didn't want to be burned to a crisp by his Rujin Jakka. That would suck.

"You, boy." He pointed at Zane. "Explain what's going on CALMLY."

"I don't know!" he yelled. "I'm not this far in the anime!"

"I just explained it Head Captain!" I roared kinda disrespectfully. "Grimmjow is an Arrancar under Aizen's control. He's coming to Karakura Town with five other lower level but still extremely powerful arrancars and he's going to attack anyone with spiritual pressure. Toshiro and his group need to go back and fight them so they die! All of them but Grimmjow need to die or you're screwed!"

He looked kind of pissed, but I ignored him.

After a moment he said, "Captain Hitsugaya, take your group back to the world of the living. We will get the Gentei Kaijo activated. You three," he pointed at us, "are going to stay here and discuss things with me. Dismissed!"

He jabbed his stick in the ground and everyone dispersed.

He looked at us. "What is going on?"

"Using the Hogyoku, Aizen is making a bunch of arrancars which are hollows with Soul Reaper powers. They are crazy strong, and the top 10 strongest are called the Espada. The one coming to the world of the living, Grimmjow, is Espada 6 and the others are his fraccion. Fraccion are arrancars that are much lower ranking and are subordinates (in a way) of the Espada. But they are still really strong. The espada themselves are easily stronger than a Captain level Soul Reaper." I explained really fast.

"What is Aizen's objective?"

Max started to answer but I shot her a lock and she stopped.

"Unfortunately, we can't tell you. We're from a different world and if we tell you anything before you should know it, we could risk fucking up some time paradox thingy or other." I said.

I read a fanfiction once that was a self insert where that was a major problem. Call me paranoid, but fucking up the plot of Bleach doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

Apparently, the head captain didn't agree.

"I don't think you understand what is on the line here." he said, narrowing his eyes.

"No, you don't understand." Max said.

Me and Zane looked at her in surprise. Damn, that took guts.

"You're going to find out in like, a day or two anyway. We can't tell you shit. And if you think about it, what Meridian said makes perfect sense. If we tell you something you shouldn't know and the world implodes because of it, you're going to be the one to blame for forcing us to tell ya." She crossed her arms and stared at him.

"You tell him," Zane muttered.

I gave her a thumbs up.

That was bad ass. No one tells of the head captain like that and lives. Damn.

The head captain sighed. "Since I can see that you stubborn children are not going to tell me anything important, what _can_ you tell me?"

We thought about it for a minute. Well, me and Max did. Zane still had no freaking idea as to what happens really, other than Ichigo kills Ulquiorra and Grimmjow and anything else I may have told him but don't remember.

"Ummm...Well we can tell you that it all works out good in the end, in your favor." I said. "But that's about it."

The head captain nodded. "I see. You three are going to stay in the Soul Society for the time being, in case we need to rely on your intelligence again in the future."

I don't know if I just imagined this, but it sounded like he hesitated before saying 'intelligence'.

Wonder why?

"You three will stay in the 7th division." he said. "Someone will escort you there."

And with that he left, and 3 Soul Reapers magically appeared out of freaking no where and started escorting us to the 7th division.

"Yay! Captain Doggy!" Max cheered.

"Yes~!" I was pretty happy too. I mean, there were other squads I would have LOVED to be in, but this was ok.

Zane looked a little confused.

"Whose the captain of this squad again?" he asked.

"Komamura."

"..."

"Weird doggy wolf dude."

"Ooohhh yeah, him!"

"Dumb ass."

"...Jerk."

* * *

**A/N: MaxRide14: YAYZ! Thanks soo much for the review and all the fave alerts girly! I'm glad you FINALLY figured out your password! Now you need to write a fanfic so I can favorite it! I'm going to add you to my favorite author's list too, but I gotta take care of some crap for Andrew and Tyler's birthday first. OH, and I got the first book in the Maximum Ride series, so if you write a fanfic about that, I might actually understand it haha. Miss you, I'll call you this weekend :)**

**And to the rest of you, REVIEW!**


	9. Meridian is PISSED

**A/N: I AM SOOOOOOO SORRY IT'S BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME SINCE I UPDATED!**

**I got my computer privileges taken away on the...6****th****, I think? **

**Yeah. I yelled at my mom.**

**So I wasn't allowed on the computer that whole week, and Saturday was the first day I've technically been allowed on. **

**So I had a hard time finishing this chap cuz it was saved on the computer. Anyway, I'M SOO SORRY AND THAT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN!**

**...Unless I get the computer taken away again, which will probably happen but yeah...**

**Bigwordslilowl****: Would you believe me if I said I ****did**** have three heads? Although I cannot outright say that I do or don't because the government is watching me. **

**All the time.**

**Haha, I can't say if that's a joke or not either.**

**Good luck figuring that out!**

**Anyway, on to the story!**

* * *

"AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"

I was storming through the Squad 7 barracks, and I was _pissed_.

I stomped my feet as loudly as I could, punching random things, and glared at anyone who passed by me with murder on my face.

Even my brother and best friend stayed away from me.

They knew better.

The Seventh Squad, however, did not.

I saw the lieutenant, Iba, walking towards me. I gave him a hellish scary glare but otherwise ignored him.

He stopped in front of me and said, "What the hell is your issue?"

"I DON'T HAVE ISSUES! I'M PISSED!"

"Well what for?" he said, completely unfazed.

"BECAUSE I'M STUCK IN THE GODDAMN SOUL SOCIETY WHILE MY GRIMMJOW IS IN FUCKING KARAKURA TOWN!" I screamed, my temple throbbing furiously and my eye twitching.

"IT'S NOT FAIR! MAX GOT TO MEET HER ULQUI-KUN AND EVEN ZANE GOT TO MEET CHAD AND TOSHIRO BUT I CAN'T MEET MY GRIMMY-KITTY? THAT IS A LOAD OF BULLSHIT! THE NEXT TIME I SEE HIM HE'LL BE FUCKING **DEAD**! AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!" I punched the wall furiously.

Yes. The reason I was pissed?

Grimmjow was in Karakura.

I was in the Soul Society.

The next time I see him?

Ichigo kills him.

FUCK. MY. LIFE.

"That's why you're so pissed?" Iba said incredulously. "Damn, you're an idiot!"

"SHADDUP!" I roared, moving around him and continuing on my destructive rampage.

* * *

Meanwhile, Max and Zane sat in the room the three of them were sharing. They could hear Meridian stomping through the halls, slamming doors and screaming freaking bloody murder.

All of which Zane found ridiculously hilarious.

He sat there laughing, and Max shot him a dirty look.

"Don't laugh at your sister's bad luck! You're so mean!" she said, hitting him on the shoulder.

Zane laughed harder, but managed to choke out in reply, "I don't care, it's effing hilarious! Something like this would only happen to her!"

Max rolled her eyes but couldn't fight back a small smile. Zane did have a point. This was just Meridian's shitty luck.

"I kinda wish we could help, ya know?" she said.

Zane opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by the door slamming open and a scream.

They both looked to see Meridian standing there screaming, her eyes squeezed shut, obviously not realizing this was her freaking room. She screamed for a solid 10 seconds before slamming the door shut and moving on the next one, repeating the process.

Zane, who had shut up when Meridian came in screaming, started laughing _again_.

Max just stared at the door. "...Daaaaaaamn the universe hates her."

Zane nodded, still laughing.

* * *

Later that day, Max and Zane were still in their room.

They hadn't really wanted to leave, in fear of seeing (or getting caught in) Meridian's destructive rampage.

But now, something was different.

"Hey!" Max said, sitting upright. She had been laying in the bed.

"What?" Zane asked.

"I just realized something!"

"..."

"..."

"..._What_ did you realize?"

"Oh yeah! It's QUIET!"

A pause.

They both gasped.

"OH MY GOSH!" Max screamed.

"This is probably going somewhere bad." Zane agreed.

"Let's go find Meridian!" Max yelled, then darted out of the room, Zane close behind.

However, out in the hall, they both stopped.

It was perfectly fine.

There were no broken walls/windows, no blood stains, no random people on the ground half-dead.

There wasn't even any dust.

"Daaaaaaaaammmmmmnnn..."

"Meridian was _really_ pissed. The only time she goes on a destructive rampage that isn't actually destructive is when she's beyond ridiculously pissed." Zane said, eyes wide.

Max just nodded, eyes wide too.

They hurried out of the hall, looking for signs of Meridian.

Instead, they found Captain Komamura.

"Oh! Hiya Captain Komamura." Max said, smiling.

"Hello." he replied, nodding at them.

"Say, have you seen Meridian around lately?" Zane asked casually.

Komamura blinked. "The angry one with the strange hair?"

Max and Zane nodded. "Yup. That's her."

"I believe I saw her walking towards the 8th Division." he said.

"Thanks!" Max said, and off they went to the 8th Division.

* * *

"Yo Max?" Zane asked.

"Huh?" Max replied.

They were running towards the 8th Division.

You'd think they would be able to find it really easily since it was right next to the 7th, THE ONE THEY WERE STAYING AT, but nooooo.

They just HAD to get freaking lost on the way.

Which is a fucking fail.

"Why do you think she went to the 8th Division when she's pissed?" Zane asked. "I mean, I know she freaking loves Kyoraku, but if she's that pissed...?"

Max shrugged. "I don't know. She doesn't drink..._right_?"

"Right. She's under age anyway."

"Good. Then I don't know."

They reached the doors to the 8th Division and instead of just sliding the door open Max yelled, "Hey, we're looking for Meridian and we heard she was here. We're her friends, can we come in?"

The lieutenant, Nanao, came over and slid open the door. "I'm sorry, but your friend is no longer here. She left about 20 minutes ago."

"Fuck!" Zane said.

"Did she say where she was going?" Max asked, a little hopeful.

"No."

Zane groaned.

Max sighed. "Kay. Thanks anyway."

Nanao nodded and closed the door.

"Shall we wander aimlessly now?" Max suggested.

"...Yeah." Zane replied.

And so they did.

* * *

**A/N: So that thing at the beginning about me being watched by the government and not being able to tell if that was a joke or not?**

**Haha it was :)**

**I just like to mess with people's heads.**

**And if you're some really politically accurate people or whatever and somehow got offended by that, I'm sorry and I didn't mean to offend you or your beliefs. **

**REVIEW! I might update sooner ;)**

…**.Probably not, but you should review anyway **


	10. Renji to the Rescue!

**A/N: Thank you to all my normal reviewers and vampire13princess, KingofHeartless'09, and ToShIrO. GiRl. 2434 :) **

**A lot of this chapter is going to be in 3rd person. Since the story was originally told through Meridian's point of view and she's not there right now, it's 3rd person. **

**Just so ya know.**

**And I think I may have possibly thought of a plot line for this story. Did I tell you that yet? I don't remember, but oh well.**

**Since I'm not quite sure how I want it to work, or IF it's going to work, I'm going to throw in a couple of completely random and pointless chapters until I figure it out.**

**I make this up as I go along, so we'll see how that turns out. :)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

So, as it turns out, wandering around aimlessly in the Soul Society is dangerous.

Especially depending on which Squad you end up wandering into.

…..Max and Zane wandered directly into the 12th Division.

Naturally.

Of course, they immediately recognized it as the 12th Division and ran out screaming bloody murder.

Or tried too, that is.

Kurotsuchi, that freak, say them when they came in and tried to capture them so he could experiment on them.

Thankfully, they were saved by a certain red pineapple who happened to be delivering some important shit to the 12th at the time.

"RENJI!" they screamed, tackle glomping him.

"Huh? Aw shit, it's you guys." Renji said.

"Please help us!" Max sobbed.

"Kurotsuchi wants to kill us!" Zane added.

"I do not want to kill them." Kurotsuchi said calmly, causing Renji to spazz and turn around.

"I merely want to experiment on them. Their spiritual pressure is quite interesting." he said, a crazy gleam in his creepy eyes.

Max and Zane screamed, holding on to Renji tighter.

Renji looked a little freaked, so he said, "Uh here's those reports from the 6th, and Captain Kuchiki wanted me to find these two and bring them to him so sorry but you can't experiment on 'em." He sounded nervous, and put one hand behind his head.

Kurotsuchi snatched the papers from Renji and said, "Fine. You may have them for now. Now leave!"

They sure as hell didn't have to be told twice.

Renji flash stepped out, the damn cheater, as Max and Zane ran for their fucking lives.

Outside, Max glomped Renji again and said, "Oh thank you thank you thank you! YOU SAVED OUR LIVES! AND YOU ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT US!"

"Get off me!" he yelled back, temple throbbing. "And I did that completely out of mercy. I mean, NO ONE deserves to be experimented on by Kurotsuchi." he shuddered.

Zane shrugged. "Whatever helps you sleep at night man."

Max let go of Renji and asked, "Are you going back to your squad?"

"Yeah, why?"

Max's face lit up, and a huge smile spread across her face. "My dear man, lead the way to BYA-KUN!"

"And have him Senbonzakura my ass for bringing in a distraction like you? Hell no!" Renji shouted back.

Max's smile didn't falter. "Fine. Then we'll just stalk you the whole way there and tell Bya-kun that you said he has a pole shoved so far up his ass that it-"

"FINE JUST STOP TALKING!" Renji yelled.

Max cackled evilly, and Zane gestured in front of him. "Lead the way."

Renji glared at them before stomping off in the direction of the 6th Division. Max and Zane trailed behind him.

"It's a good thing we got him to show us the way, otherwise we never would have gotten to see Bya-kun." Max whispered to Zane.

Zane chuckled. "Yeah I know. This place is so freaking huge and everything looks exactly the fucking same, it's so easy to get lost."

Suddenly Max gasped. "Crap, weren't we supposed to find Meridian?"

Zane shrugged. "Oh well, I'm sure she's fine."

* * *

Meanwhile, with Meridian...

"AAAAGGHH! DAMMIT LEAVE ME ALONE, YACHIRU!"

Yachiru laughed.

She was currently chasing me throughout the Seireitei.

Why?

She high off candy and wanted to play.

What did she want to play, exactly?

She wanted to re-enact the battle between Ichigo and Kenpachi.

She wanted me to be Ichigo.

I know Ichigo wins, but I really, really did _not _want to fight Yachiru.

Because 1.) If I won or even touched Yachiru, Kenpachi would fucking kill me. 2.) I wasn't sure I wouldn't die, because there has to be a reason why she's a fucking lieutenant. And 3.) She's a little kid! I can't fucking attack a little kid! And I don't even have a goddamn sword!

So she chased me.

* * *

"Yeah, you're probably right." Max agreed. "She's fine."

Despite the hugeness of the Seireitei, it only took a couple minutes until they were standing in front of the 6th Division.

Renji hesitated at the door, looking back at Max. Her eyes were wide, she had a huge smile on her face, and she was visibly shaking from excitement.

"Oh dear God," he muttered, before pushing open the door.

The minute it was open, Max shot past Renji and Zane into the room screaming, "BYA-KUUUUUN!"

Renji's face paled dramatically. "I'm so fucking dead." he said.

Zane laughed at Renji's misery, and walked into the room.

Then he started laughing at Byakuya's misery.

Byakuya was sitting at his desk doing paperwork, as usual, but now Max had glomped him and wouldn't let go.

So he sat there, temple throbbing and looking really annoyed, doing paperwork with Max attached to his back smiling happily.

Renji walked in behind Zane, and he looked like he was ready to go crawl and die in a hole.

"Lieutenant," Byakuya said evenly. "Who is this, why did you bring her here, and what is she doing attached to me?"

Renji stared at his Captain miserably. "Max. She's the girl from the world of the living that came back with us. It was either I show her the way willingly, or she just follow me and spread rumors about you. I guess she really likes you."

Byakuya closed his eyes, apparently trying to calm down. "Thank you, Lieutenant. Dismissed."

Renji flash stepped out there faster than Yoruichi.

Byakuya turned his cold gray eyes on Zane. "Who are you?"

"Zane." he replied simply.

Byakuya looked at him, waiting for more of an answer.

Zane stared right back.

"What are you doing in my office?" Byakuya asked finally.

Zane shrugged.

"Then leave."

"Nah."

"...Excuse me?

"I don't wanna."

"I am a Captain of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads and head of the noble Kuchiki family. You will leave." Byakuya said icily.

Zane looked at him, bored. "Don't wanna."

Max laughed.

Byakuya closed his eyes again, having a hard time controlling his anger. "Fine." he said icily. "You may stay. But make one false move or be an annoyance of any kind, and I will have the Covert Ops escort you out." He looked at Zane angrily.

He just shrugged. "Kk homie J."

Byakuya's grip on his pencil tightened, and it snapped in half.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked the chapter!**

**And yes, my brother does say "kk homie J." **

**It's annoying.**

**And Max: YOU'RE WELCOME XD**

**REVIEW!**


	11. Yachiru Joins in the Fun

**A/N: Thanks to all my normal reviewers and alex culten, Kori Neko Tenshi, and IchiiSama.**

**Well, we have approximately 4 freaking feet of snow here in South Dakota today. Which we got practically overnight.**

**Of course.**

**The current temp outside is 8 degrees. Which sucks, considering last week it was in the high 30's low 40's.**

**For people who don't know, that is a freaking heat wave this time of year. **

**Normally, I wouldn't mind all this snow and crap because it's a Monday which would mean a snow day.**

**IF WE ACTUALLY HAD SCHOOL TODAY.**

**We got today off for freaking President's Day. So I just got screwed out of a snow day.**

**Screw you snow, screw you. **

* * *

Meridian

I sidled up next to the wall, sneaking towards the corner. I peeked my head around it cautiously.

No one there.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Yachiru FINALLY stopped chasing me.

I was free!

I wondered where Max and Zane were.

Well, since I had nothing better to do...

I'll go find them!

…..Time to aimlessly wander through the Soul Society!

* * *

I REALLY should have known better than to do that.

I wandered into the fucking 11th Division.

I didn't realize this until I saw a certain gay boy.

"YUMICHIKA!"

He turned around at the sound of his name, took one look at me, and took off running down the hall away from me.

I laughed and chased after him, temporarily forgetting what I was supposed to be doing.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" he yelled when he saw me following him.

"Don't tell me what to do!" I laughed back.

He ran into a room (which I assumed was his) and slammed the door.

I waited "patiently" outside.

Then he yelled.

"AW DAMMIT! YACHIRU GIVE ME MY SWORD BACK YOU UGLY LITTLE BRAT!"

I started laughing again.

Then Yachiru came bouncing around the corner.

I stopped mid-laugh and stared at her, my eyes wide.

Maybe if I didn't move, she wouldn't see me...

"Hiya!" she said cheerfully.

FUCK.

"Uhhh, h-hey, Yachiru."

"Whatcha doing outside Pretty Boy's room?" she asked.

"Well, I was chasing him, because he doesn't like me and it's fun..."

"Can I help?" she said, smiling.

I smiled. "Sure. Do you still have his sword?"

"Uh-huh." she nodded.

"Good. Don't give it to him."

"I can hear you!" Yumichika yelled from in his room.

"That's awesome Gay Boy, I don't really care."

"I'M NOT GAY!"

"Denial~!" I said in a sing-song voice.

I heard him yell again.

I laughed, and Yachiru joined in.

"Ok," I whispered to Yachiru. "On the count of 3, we slam open the door, rush in, and tackle him. Got it?"

She nodded. "Yup."

"Good. One, two, THREE!"

We rushed the door, but that damn faggot locked it.

… I didn't even know you COULD lock those doors.

"Well shit." I huffed.

Yachiru giggled. "Stand back!"

I raised an eyebrow at her, but I went and stood behind her.

She held her hand up, palm out, facing Yumichika's door.

"Wha...?"

"Hadou number 31!" she yelled with a smile.

Oh damn.

"Shakkahou!"

The huge destructive blast shot from her hand and completely obliterated the door.

...and the wall on the other side of Yumichika's room.

We looked in and saw Yumichika on the other side of the room, looking at us with wide eyes.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he shouted. "And when the hell did you learn Kidou?"

We laughed, and I gave Yachiru a high five.

* * *

Max and Zane

_**Thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack...**_

Byakuya's temple throbbed.

Zane found a bouncy ball.

….Don't ask where he got it, no one knows.

He was currently bouncing it from the ground to the wall and back into his hands.

Zane had been bouncing the ball for 3 freaking hours.

Max was also still attached to his back.

Finally, Byakuya put his pen down.

He pointed at Zane and said, "Bakuodo number 1. Sai."

Zane's hands were whipped behind his back, and the bouncy ball came and hit him in the head.

"Ow! Hey!" he glared at Byakuya.

"You were being a nuisance." he said calmly, picking his pen back up and continuing his paperwork.

"What crawled up your ass and died?" Zane muttered.

Max snickered and Byakuya glared at him.

"Max." he said.

"Yes Bya-kun?"

"Please remove yourself from my back."

"But I don't wanna!" Max whined, holding him tighter.

Then they heard shouting.

"COME BACK HERE YOU UGLY LITTLE BRATS!"

"That sounds like Yumichika." Zane said. He was positioned against the wall so he could still see out the open door.

"NEVER!"

"And that sounded like Meridian and someone else..."

Byakuya sighed. "Lieutenant Kusajishi."

"Yeah!"

All 3 of them looked out the door and saw Meridian run past with Yachiru on her back, and behind them Yumichika...

...with half of his hair shaved off.

Max and Zane burst out laughing, and even Byakuya hid a small smile.

Max jumped off Byakuya's back and ran out the door. "MERIDIAN!" she called. "IN HERE!"

She rushed back into the room, and Meridian shot past her inside. Max shoved the door closed and grabbed the random extra chair in the room to jam the door.

Meridian and Yachiru collapsed to the ground laughing.

Then someone pounded on the door and they heard Yumichika shout angrily, "COME OUT HERE SO I CAN KILL YOU DAMMIT!"

Meridian and Yachiru just laughed harder.

"What the hell did you guys _do_?" Zane asked, smiling.

"Gay Boy was being a prick," Meridian said through her laughter.

"So we shaved his hair!" Yachiru finished.

"We only got halfway done, though."

Max and Zane laughed too.

Byakuya just stared at all the annoying people in his office and sighed.

_'Why me?'_ he thought. _'Why?'_


	12. And the Plot Begins!

**A/N: Thank you to all my normal reviewers! **

**TheEspadaSisters: Ha, you're damn straight things are gonna work out! I'm not worried about not being able to see my Grimmjow. I mean, I AM the fucking author, so if I want to see him, I'm GOING to see him. And that's that :)**

**Now, I think I'm going to start with the plot line... we'll see how this works. **

**...yeeeeeaaahhh.**

* * *

"Whatcha working on Byakuya?" I said, peering over his shoulder.

"Paperwork." he replied stiffly.

"What kind of paperwork?" Max asked, peering over his other shoulder.

"Business that doesn't concern you."

"SOMEONE has a stick shoved up their-"

"SHUT UP ZANE!"

Zane huffed, but smiled. He had already been released from the kido, in case you were wondering.

We had been in Byakuya's office for about an hour and a half, waiting for Yumichika to finally stop pounding on the door and yelling death threats at us.

And damn did he know some terrifying threats.

Now, seeing as we didn't want to go anywhere else and this was a lot of fun, we had just been bugging Byakuya the whole time.

And he pretty much ignored us.

I was impressed. That shit's hard to ignore.

"Hey, Byakuya, how come you-" I was interrupted by a huge crash of thunder.

I blinked. Thunder?

Byakuya looked up from his paperwork. "Is thunder normal?" Max asked.

"No." he replied. He got up from his desk and stepped outside. We followed him to see what was going on.

It looked like a hurricane was attacking the Seireitei. The sky was a dark gray color, and the wind was rushing ridiculously fast. Thunder clashed, and lightning streaked the gray clouds.

Except the lightning was purple.

Byakuya narrowed his gray eyes as he looked at the sky.

"Something's not right." Zane muttered.

"Ya think?"

"No shit Sherlock."

Me and Max rolled our eyes at him.

Thunder crashed again, and our attention was turned back to the gray clouds. The purple lightning streaked toward one spot on the clouds, directly above the center of the Seireitei. It gathered and swirled, and a dark purple and black hole formed.

"Daaaaaammmnn..." Me, Max, and Zane muttered.

Renji flash stepped in front of us. "Captain! What's going on?" he asked, shouting over the roar of the wind.

"...I don't know."

We gaped. Byakuya just admitted he didn't know something important.

That's not something he does. If he doesn't know, he stays quiet.

What the fuck?

Just then thunder crashed again, and this time lightning struck down as well.

Three bolts of purple lightning, all heading for one spot.

Yup, you guessed it.

Me, Max, and Zane.

FUCK.

Byakuya and Renji (the damn bastards) flash stepped away to avoid being burned like a crisp. But, of course, our normal human reflexes were much too slow to comprehend what the hell was happening so we stood there staring at the lightning headed straight for us.

I managed to close my eyes and brace myself for the excruciating pain that was pretty much inevitable, but it never came.

I did feel when the lightning hit me, it just didn't hurt. It wasn't even uncomfortable.

It was kinda cool.

I felt the lightning course through my body, like energy replenishing me. My eyes snapped open, and I saw Max and Zane were both engulfed in the weird purple lightning too.

I smiled, and they smiled back.

The next thing I knew, the sky came down to meet us and we were sucked straight into the black and purple hole.

...damn.

The purple lightning released its grasp on us as soon as we were inside the hole, and we landed on a weird platform thingy made of some semi-transparent purple stuff. The black hole closed behind us, and we were left in darkness.

"Where the hell are we?" Zane asked, his voice echoing slightly.

"Dunno." Me and Max muttered.

"The dangai precipice place? The one that leads between the world of the living and the Soul Society?" I suggested.

Max shook her head. "No, it's not the same."

"I think I can help."

We all spazzed at the random creepy voice that came from fucking no where.

"OH MY GOSH CREEPY VOICE!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

"WHO SAID THAT!"

"**GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"**

Then, Kisuke appeared. He didn't walk in, he didn't float down, he just kinda...appeared.

"HOLY SHIT!" we all yelled.

He rolled his eyes. "Calm down."

"What are you doing here?" Max asked.

"And how did we get here?" Zane asked.

"Where's here?" I asked.

"If you would stop talking and let me say something, I'll answer all your questions." he said patiently.

We shut up.

"Thank you. Now, first of all.." he stopped and hit us all upside the head.

"OW! Dammit Urahara, what the hell?" I shouted.

"THAT was for making all this have to happen." he explained.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Max muttered, rubbing her head.

"Well, you guys fucked up." he said simply.

We blinked. "Care to elaborate?" Zane asked.

"When you guys came here, I realize it was purely accidental and you didn't mean any harm." he started. "But because of you guys, things haven't gone the way they're supposed to."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "You sound like you know the damn future."

"I do."

We blinked.

"Huh?" Zane said.

Kisuke sighed. "I'm the Kisuke from the future. The one you don't fuck up that disappeared. The Kisuke from the fucked up world came to get me."

_'Oh, wow.'_ I thought sarcastically.

"I know what happens because of your guys' existence, and right now it's not good. Because of your actions and things you say, everything spins wildly out of control. If I let this happen, then the entire Bleach universe could explode."

"...can anyone say cliché?" I deadpanned.

"Cliche." Max and Zane deadpanned too.

"This is serious." Kisuke said.

"And I suppose we're here because we're the only ones who can fix it?" I asked, bored.

"...Yeah."

"Of course."

Max sighed. "So what do we gotta do?"

Kisuke just sighed at us. "I'm getting to that part. Because of what you guys will do, 16 Bleach characters get sent to Earth. Your universe."

Me eyes widened at this. What the hell did we end up doing?

"16?" I asked. "Who?"

Kisuke handed me a piece of paper with names on it. Max and Zane looked at it over my shoulder. It said:

_1.) Kisuke Urahara_

_2.) Yoruichi Shihouin_

_3.) Ichigo Kurosaki_

_4.) Sado 'Chad' Yasutora_

_5.) Uryu Ishida_

_6.) Orihime Inoue_

_7.) Shunsui Kyoraku_

_8.) Juushiro Ukitake_

_9.) Toshiro Hitsugaya_

_10.) Byakuya Kuchiki_

_11.) Renji Abarai_

_12.) Shuhei Hisagi_

_13.) Rangiku Matsumoto_

_14.) Gin Ichimaru_

_15.) Ulquiorra Shiffer_

_16.) Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez_

"Hey! These are all our favorite characters!" I exclaimed.

"So, these are the people that get sent to our world?" Zane asked.

Kisuke nodded.

"How can you be on it?"

"It's not _me_ me." he replied. "It's the me from this time. The one that doesn't know what the hell is going on."

"Oh."

"And why do they get sent there?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know what you did. I left you alone for five minutes-"

"Bad move." we all interrupted.

"Yes, I realize that now." he said. "Anyway, in order for you to help, you are going to have to come back with me to my time. Where everything is fucked up."

I exchanged glances with Max and Zane, and we shrugged.

Eh, why not?

...Didn't I say that in the first chapter?

Max hesitantly nodded before I had the chance to think about it any more, and Kisuke smiled. "Excellent!" He snapped his fingers and the platform we were on shot downward like a rocket.

It was a miracle we stayed on.

When it stopped, we were in a huge black room.

And there were people here.

Every Bleach character.

Soul Reaper, Espada, Arrancar, Vizard, everyone who was even remotely important in Bleach. Excluding the Bounts, of course.

"Damn," I muttered.

"Where is this?" Zane asked.

Kisuke shrugged. "After you guys did whatever it was you did, everyone ended up here."

Then Kisuke's image distorted, like he was a hologram.

"Shit," he cursed. "I can't stay here much longer. Two of you will have to go through the portal over there to your world, and one will have to stay here and watch everyone. They've been stuck here for a while already, so they definitely need a baby sitter. On, but no one can get hurt here, or die. I'm not sure why. All weapons and anything that could potentially be harmful were replaced with rubber."

We blinked. The fuck?

Kisuke ignored us and continued, "When you get to your world, it would probably be most effective to find them two at a time. People will be able to see you, but when they look at you they immediately forget anything they knew about you or the characters. In order to bring them back here, go to your house," he pointed at me and Zane, "and in the backyard will be a way for them to get back. Okay?"

We nodded slowly. "How do you know all this?" Zane asked.

Kisuke smiled. "It would be no fun if I told you, now would it?" His image distorted again, more violently this time,

"Shit. I have to go. Good luck!" and with that, he was gone.

We stood on the platform staring at each other.

I broke the silence first.

"Well, who's going and who's staying?"

* * *

**A/N: So, I hope you liked it. I know, it wasn't really too funny, but I promise later chapters will be. And there might be just a little bit of OOC, mainly because I don't know some of the characters well enough to write them correctly. Ya know, people like Barragan and Lilinette, who I've practically just met in the series, and a couple of the Vizards. **

**But other than that, it should be good!**

**Oh, and I know some people are gonna be all like "THAT'S NOT HOW YOU SPELL THEIR NAMES!" but PLEASE don't comment just to say that. **

**I spelled it how it's spelled in the English dub, because that is what I prefer. **

**Which is why I didn't call them all by their last names or added suffixes and all that shit.**

**That annoys me. **

**Anyway, REVIEW!**


	13. Back to Aberdeen

**A/N: Thank you to: theramenfreak, Storme, Rainbow R.**

**I am sooo sorry it's taken such a long time to update. I've had a hellish busy week...**

**The 25th was the only time I'd had time to write before the 4th. I was really busy all that week. Sunday, I'm not allowed on the computer, so I couldn't type. Monday, I had a shitload of homework, Tuesday we went out for my cousin's birthday (I had to go) and we stayed out all night, Wednesday I had to spend time with my cousins and I had church PLUS a shitload of homework, Thursday I had to spend time with my cousins again and even more goddamned fucking homework, and Friday the 4th was Zane's birthday, so I had shit to do for that, but I still found time to write and get this stupid chapter up before the week was over.**

**I'm a fucking master, bitches.**

* * *

"WHAT?" Zane roared, his temple throbbing.

I shrugged. "We voted. You lost."

"But that's not fair! Why do you guys get to go and have fun and I have to stay here and fucking baby sit?" he yelled back.

"Because we said so." Max said calmly.

"That's not a legit reason!"

I sighed. Zane was such a pain in the ass sometimes.

We voted on who should stay and who should go. Me and Max thought Zane should stay, and Zane thought one of us should stay.

Guess who won that argument?

"Oh suck it up you big baby. Stay here and baby sit everyone, and we'll go save the Bleach universe." I said.

"I don't want to stay here with all these people! I don't know half of them, and I don't _like_ any of them!" he yelled back.

"Oh boo freaking hoo!" Max said.

"Deal with it, ya twat!" I added, cracking a smile.

Zane tried to still look pissed, but couldn't pull it off. He finally gave in with a chuckle and smiled. "Why don't you make me, ya square-go-like!" he yelled back in a terrible Scottish accent.

I started laughing, and Max just looked confused. "This is NOT negotiable!" I yelled back in an equally terrible Scottish accent. "You stay here you speccy bowl-haired cut small dick skinny cunt eat more wanker!"

"'Mon then ya little speccy cunt, square-go-like!"

"I'll fucking burst ye'!"

"I'll fucking gnaw your arm off!"

"Listen you, get near my arm and I'll slap you across the face like a little bitch!"

"I'll pump you silly!"

"Come on then ya cunt!"

"Suck my pixie dick ya chubby coon!"

"I'll rupture your fucking anus with-"

"WOULD YOU TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP?" Max yelled, with a slight giggle.

Me and Zane looked at her, then burst out laughing.

"Gotta love YouTube*," I managed to say through my laughter. Max rolled her eyes and Zane nodded.

When he could breathe again, Zane took a deep breath and said, "Alright, fine. I'll stay. But I won't like it."

"Yay! Thanks Zane-kun!" I yelled, throwing my arms around him.

"Get the fuck off me you creeper." he grumbled, shoving me away.

"Come on, we should probably get going huh?" Max said.

I pumped my fist in the air. "Hell to the yes!"

Zane raised an eyebrow. "How are you getting there?"

We looked at each other.

"FUCK."

Just then, a shiny portal-thingy appeared behind us.

"...damn, that's convenient."

Max shrugged and grabbed my arm, pulling me straight into it.

Which, in theory, probably wasn't the best idea because we really had no way of knowing where the fuck it actually led.

Like, it could have lead us to a forest of evil elves that made tissues instead of cookies hidden in some person's ears.

Not that we actually cared, since recklessly running into things was how we got here in the first place.

Anyway, we ran through the shimmering gold portal-thingy and found ourselves in the parking lot of a convenience store fairly close to my house called the Wolf Stop, named for the college in town.

Max looked around before turning on me and saying, "You know where we are, right?"

I rolled my eyes. Max didn't know the town very well. "Yeah, don't worry. We're not too far from my house, actually."

"Yay! So, who's first on the list?" she asked.

I pulled the list out of my nonexistent pockets and looked at it. "Well, he said to look for them in pairs because it would be easiest. So, that means we're looking for Kisuke and Yoruichi."

Max smiled and pointed. I looked over in the direction and saw none other than Kisuke and Yoruichi walking on the sidewalk in front of Kessler's, heading toward the hospital (which is right next to Kessler's.)

"Well damn that was easy." I said. We took off running after them, shouting their names like the stupid spazzes we are.

They turned and stopped when they saw us, waiting for us to catch up with them. "Hello." Kisuke said with a smile.

"Do you have any idea where you are or what's going on?" I asked.

"Nope."

"Great." I huffed.

We quickly filled them in while I started leading the way back to my house. It was late afternoon, and it only took about 15 minutes to get there.

We walked down the alley and up the drive, noticing my mom and older brother weren't home, and up to the gate. I started to reach for it, but Max stopped me.

"Wait! The other Kisuke said anyone who knew us would forget everything about us as soon as they saw us. Does that include your family?" she asked.

I blinked. Fuck, I hadn't thought of that.

Instead, I just shrugged. "Guess we'll find out."

I opened the gate and led the way up the five steps to my door and inside. Immediately, my adorable over excited Pomeranian mix puppy, Elvis, came running at us and barking like crazy, jumping up and down and wagging his tail.

"Hey puppy!" I cooed in a baby voice, picking him up and letting him lick my face.

He saw Kisuke and Yoruichi then, and started fucking freaking out.

Yes, my little Pomeranian puppy has guard issues.

His little body stiffened, his ears flat against the back of his little head, as he started barking like the crazy dog he is.

"Elvis, shut the fuck up!" I yelled.

"What did you just say?"

I turned around to see my daddy standing there with a look of fake outrage on his face at my use of the word fuck.

I smiled. "Oh hey Daddy!"

"Hey." he smiled, dropping the fake outrage thing. "Hey Max," he added.

"Hiya!" Max waved back.

He looked behind us at Kisuke and Yoruichi, raising an eyebrow at me.

Damn, now I had to make up a story. At least they didn't look too weird; they're original clothes had been replaced with more American clothes so they didn't stick out. Yoruichi wore a black V-neck t-shirt with dark blue skinny jeans and black converse. Kisuke wore a white t-shirt with a green jacket over it and blue jeans with tennis shoes.

"This is Cheyenne's brother, Keith," I said, pointing at Kisuke. "And this is Monika's cousin, Yasmine." I pointed at Yoruichi. Cheyenne and Monika were two of my best friends, and Daddy knew them.

"Me and Max were hanging with them and Cheyenne and Monika and they offered to drive us home. Ya know, together, because they're a couple." I smiled sweetly, knowing I sounded innocent enough that Daddy would definitely believe me.

Max elbowed Kisuke, and he grabbed Yoruichi's hand and they both smiled, acting like they were together to fit my story.

"Oh. Cool. Thanks." Daddy replied, shooting a thumbs up at them.

I smiled. My dad is the coolest guy on the planet. My mother, on the other hand, would have fucking ripped me apart for that story.

"There's some info in my room about the Humane Society I have to get for them, so yeah..." I trailed off, slowly walking in the direction of my room.

Daddy chuckled. "Ok, ok. Don't do anything illegal." he said. "I'll be out back if you need me."

"Kay Daddy!" I yelled, running to my room and motioning for the others to follow.

I slammed the door of my room shut, and looked at the others.

"What now?"

"Other Kisuke said there would be a way for these guys to get back in your backyard," Max said.

"We can't go back yet." Kisuke and Yoruichi said at the same time.

"And why the fuck not?"

Yoruichi shrugged. "We're not ready."

"Then get fucking ready!"

Kisuke sighed. "It's more than that. It feels like there's something we need before we can leave, something that represents us or something."

Me and Max blinked. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."

"What the hell?" I yelled.

"It's like an object, but I don't know what it is." Yoruichi said, frowning.

Max yelled in frustration and threw her hands in the air. "You couldn't have said this BEFORE when we were RIGHT IN FRONT OF KESSLER'S?"

I sighed. "Ok. I know what to get you guys. There's a convenience store like 3 blocks away from my house, let's get walking." I checked the time; 4:30 pm. Shit, Mom got home at 5:00 and she would not like me around people like Kisuke and Yoruichi. "Let's hurry!"

* * *

I walked out of the convenience store, the South 'C', holding a bag.

"You're damn lucky I know those people well, or this never would have worked." I said. I reached into the bag and pulled a Playboy magazine, which I threw at Kisuke. His face flushed a deep red, before he starting glowing a little.

Max started laughing her ass off.

I raised an eyebrow. "Ready now?"

He nodded.

I smirked and reached back into the bag, pulling out a little stuffed mouse with a bell on its tail, which I threw at Yoruichi.

She held it up, smiling, before she started to glow too.

Max laughed even harder.

"A Playboy for the pervert and a cat toy for Cat Girl. Makes perfect sense." I grinned.

Max was laughing so hard she was crying, and I was giggling.

Max continued to laugh the entire way back to my house, and I let her go.

When we got back, Kisuke and Yoruichi went straight for the door that led to my basement.

"It's through here." Kisuke said.

"What is?"

He shrugged.

"...okaaaay."

I went and opened the door, letting them lead. They went down the first few steps onto the landing thingy, but instead of turning to go down to the basement, they opened the door straight ahead of them.

I was confused. That door led outside, and since we built the addition on to our house we never used it.

Yoruichi opened it, but instead of leading outside it was a different room. One I sadly recognized.

We walked through, and I groaned while Max cheered.

It was the stupid fucking house of mirrors from the summer fair.

FUCK.

I immediately got a headache from the weird angles.

DAMN I HATE MIRRORS.

"How the hell did this fucking place get here." I deadpanned.

Max giggled. "Hell if I know."

Kisuke walked to the other side of the room, diagonally left while Yoruichi went diagonally right.

They both stopped in front of different mirrors and placed their hand on it. Their respective mirrors starting glowing, just like they were.

Yoruichi turned around first and smiled. "Found it. Thanks guys." Then she walked through the mirror.

Kisuke turned as well. "Good job. You guys will do fine. Thanks." he smiled and disappeared through the mirror.

"Yay!" Max cheered. "We did it!"

"Yeah," I smiled. "So they probably get to go back to the Black Void with Zane, huh?"

"Probably." Max smiled.

We gave each other high fives and both said, "Good luck Zane!"

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked! REVIEW!**

***The YouTube thing? Ha, yeah a lot of that argument was from a video. (I DON'T OWN IT) It's called 'You're A Wizard, Harry.'**

**It's a spoof for people who like Harry Potter. The person who made it used like a simulator thingy to make these people who look nothing like Harry and Hagrid, but it's a spoof of when Hagrid comes to tell Harry he's a wizard. It starts out with just pointless arguing, then it turns into a huge hilarious swear fest XD It's goddamn hilarious, and I nearly pissed myself when I watched the first 5 times. I recommend you watch it!**

**It's been posted more than once, by different people, and one of them will only let you watch it if you're 18 or older, but there's another one that will let anyone watch it. **

**Anyway, review? PLEASE?**

**Tell Zane happy birthday! And yes, my little brother's birthday was actually the 4th :)**


	14. The Black Void

**A/N: HA! I met my goal of at least 2 chapters a week!**

**Thank you to Alechaos Ogigio, MillieEllie, and all my normal reviewers.**

**So, I got a letter in the mail today (which is weird itself, since I never get mail) and I guess I have been nominated to represent South Dakota as a National Scholar at the National Young Leaders Conference in Washington D.C. this summer.**

**Which, if I understand correctly, just means I was invited to Washington D.C. to see how the government works and talk about a bunch of political and governmental crap that I honestly don't give a fuck about.**

**I'm not going, because it's too expensive.**

**Which is good, because honestly, I don't want to go. **

**I read the letter, and it's kind of a big deal. Like, it said that if I go I'm supposed to tell the media in my area so they can put it on the news. I don't like being the center of attention, so that kinda freaked me out. Plus, it said I would talk with a bunch of famous political people, like Al Gore or something. Which also freaked me out, because I really don't understand government all that well. AND, the Representative and Senators from South Dakota would be informed of my attendance.**

**It's just waay too much pressure and stuff I don't like to deal with. Not that I really have much choice, because if we could afford to go, my mom would force me. Which would suck. Not to mention it's like a 9 day thing, so I would be gone for over a week.**

**ANYWAY! This chapter is in Zane's point of view. **

**REVIEW PLEASE!**

* * *

Zane watched as Meridian and Max disappeared through the shimmering portal thingy. He turned around to see everyone doing their own thing and sighed.

This was gonna suck major ass.

He was still on the platform thingy, so he was higher up than everyone. He used this to his advantage, cupping his hands around his mouth and yelling, "YO! Everyone listen up!"

Everyone stopped talking and looked at him.

Zane didn't recognize a whole lot of these people.

Shit.

"Ok, so some weird shit is happening, and my sister and friend are going to fix it. You guys just have to chill here. Oh, and all your weapons have been replaced with rubber and no one can die here. I'm in charge!" he yelled.

"What the hell do you mean rubber?" Zane heard in an all too familiar voice.

"I mean what I said Kenny." Zane said. "No weapons."

Kenpachi growled.

"Aw! That's no fun! Now Kenny's gonna get bored!" Yachiru whined.

"And I don't care," Zane mumbled.

"And why do you get to be in charge?" he saw a man with slicked back hair ask.

Knowing this was Aizen, Zane stuck his tongue out at him. "Because I said so you faggot!"

He heard a little bit of laughter coming from everyone, but Aizen didn't look mad.

"Explain to us why an inexperienced infant like you is in charge of all of us." an old as shit man asked.

"Because, Head Captain, I know what the fuck is going on! And, with two opposing leaders, someone has to be in charge of everyone. And that means me." Zane replied.

Yamamoto narrowed his eyes at him. "Learn some respect for your elders!"

Zane stuck his tongue out at him.

There was a collective gasp from the Soul Reapers.

Zane rolled his eyes. "Oh frigging gasp."

"So why are some people missing?" he heard Rukia ask.

Now Zane chuckled a little nervously. "Well, we kinda fucked up. And some people were sent back to the world me, Meridian, and Max come from. The one were you guys only exist in a anime. So they went to get them back."

"Why only certain people? Who decided who went?" a dude with a creepy smile and blonde hair asked.

"Well, I guess we did something that sent our 16 favorite people back. Those are the people missing. And who the hell are you?" Zane asked.

The creeper raised an eyebrow. "I heard you guys know all of us and everything about us. Was that a lie?"

"No!" Zane protested. "It's just that Max and Meridian know more than me. I hardly know most of you guys."

Creeper Guy sighed. "I'm Shinji Hirako. Who are you?"

"Zane. Are you a Soul Reaper?"

"Don't you know anything kid?" he asked, irritated. "I'm a Vizard."

Zane blinked. "Ok."

_'Shit!'_ he thought._ 'Meridian talked about those guys all the time, but I never listened! Fuck!'_

Everyone had returned to doing their own thing during their conversation, so no one really noticed when Shinji walked up to the platform and jumped up on it.

Which shocked the shit out of Zane because the platform was _really_ high in the air.

"Do you know any of these people?" he asked.

Zane shrugged. "A couple. Soul Reapers mostly, and a couple Arrancars, but no Vizards."

"Right." Shinji said. "Well, you should know everyone here, so I'll introduce you. Come on."

Shinji jumped down from the platform and looked back up at Zane, waiting for him to do the same.

Zane stared at him. "You have got to be shitting me. I can't jump that far without killing myself!"

Shinji sighed in annoyance, then jumped back up, grabbed Zane, and jumped back down with perfect ease.

"Show off," Zane muttered, brushing the invisible dust away from his shirt.

Shinji rolled his eyes and led him through the crowd towards a group of people, none of whom Zane recognized.

The one who had been talking, a muscular guy with short gray-ish hair, stopped when he saw Zane.

"What the hell did ya bring him over here for, dickhead!"

A blur of red and blonde shot straight past Zane into Shinji, knocking him painfully to the ground.

"Ow ow ow ow fuck!" Shinji muttered, holding his bloody nose. "Dammit Hiyori, that fucking hurt!"

"No shit dickhead!" the girl, Hiyori, yelled, smacking Shinji in the head with her sandal.

"Ow!"

Zane started laughing at Shinji's pain.

Which caused everyone in the group to look at him instead of Shinji.

He made a peace sign with his fingers and said, "Yo."

The dude with the gray hair looked at Shinji and asked, "What did you bring him over here for Shinji?"

Shinji stood up, rubbing his head, and said, "Stupid kid didn't know too many people, so I figured I could introduce him. You know, since his sister and friend are trying to get us out of this fucking hell hole, it couldn't hurt to be nice."

The guy shrugged and looked at Zane saying "Kensei Muguruma. And that annoying thing," he pointed to a girl with bright green hair, "is Mashiro Kuna. Nice to meet ya kid."

Zane nodded at both of them, and Shinji continued the introductions. He pointed to the angry little blonde girl that had tackled him. "That's Hiyori Sarugaki. Do NOT piss her off." he muttered the last part so only Zane could hear him.

He chuckled and nodded, sending a smile at Hiyori. She glared at him.

Shinji pointed to a dude with pointy black hair and another guy with wavy blonde hair. "Love Aikawa and Rose Otoribashi."

Both men nodded at Zane, who returned the gesture.

He motioned toward a girl with black hair reading a book and said, "Lisa Yadomaru."

Lastly, a really big guy with pink hair. "Hachi Ushoda. He deals more with kido than actual fighting."

"Cool." Zane said.

"So now you know the Vizards." Shinji said.

He looked around the room briefly before saying "Who else don't you know?"

Zane shrugged. "Mostly just Arrancars, I think."

Shinji nodded. "Well, I can't help you much there, but I think it would be a good idea to get to know everyone."

"Yeah, probably."

Just then, Zane got a weird feeling. He looked over to the platform and a shimmering portal-thingy had opened. He smiled. "Oh good. The first two are back. Shinji, could you help me get back up there?"

Shinji sighed. "Yeah, I guess."

They ran back to the platform and Shinji practically threw Zane up there, before just leaving. Zane watched as Kisuke and Yoruichi walked through.

He smiled. "Have fun?"

They smiled back. "Plenty." Kisuke replied.

Zane turned to face all the other people and yelled, "YO!"

Everyone, once again, shut up and paid attention to Zane.

"The first two are back, Kisuke and Yoruichi!" Zane announced, causing everyone to erupt into cheers.

"Two down, 14 to go!"

* * *

**A/N: I'm sorry it was kind of short. It's kinda hard to write a chapter from Zane's point of view, not sure why. **

**Anyway, review please!**


	15. A Trip to the Mall

**A/N: GOD. DAMNED. FUCKING. VIRUSES.**

**I got a virus on my computer (NOT MY FAULT) on Monday, and just got it back on like Thursday. **

**Hence my lack of updating. **

**So sorry! But to make it up to you, I'm pretty damn sure this is the longest chapter I have ever written.**

*****IMPORTANT! I just want to clarify some things. I know in previous chapters Kisuke said no one would remember us. I'm going to fix that. I want people to remember us, they just don't realize we've been gone. To them, it's like we've always been here. I'm going to go back and edit that in the chapter (eventually). But it's still the same with the Bleach cast. No one remembers anything about Bleach the second they see any of the characters. I tend to over think things AFTER I post them (for whatever fucking reason) so I didn't think of this till after. Thank you for understanding and enjoy the chapter~!**

**I WILL REPEAT: I'M NOT RACIST. ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS IS MEXICAN. You'll understand after you read the chapter. **

**ALSO! I despise stereotyping, but in the chapter that was the only way to describe the group of boys. No, I don't think all guys are like that, but there is a group of guys at my school that are kind of like that. Sadly.**

**And thank you to HeartOfNewcastle and Jazzcat1231.**

* * *

That night, Max slept over at my house so we could get up early and look for the next two people. We went to bed at around 11:00 pm, and it felt _so_ good to snuggle up in my own comfy bed instead of a goddamned pallet on the floor. Max occupied Zane's bed, which was currently in my room.

Don't ask, I don't _even_ want to fucking go there.

Anyway, my family does remember us, but I don't know what the deal was with Zane. I mean, they remembered him, but weren't concerned at all that he wasn't home.

That's what freaked me out the most, because my mom is the most overprotective woman on the planet.

The sad part is, that's not even an exaggeration.

We had trouble falling asleep though. I mean, it's the fucking summer, it's Friday night, and we're going to bed at fucking 11:00 pm.

That's like 5 hours earlier than we usually go to sleep.

So, naturally, we had difficulties.

We talked for a couple hours, about pretty much everything. Then Max got an idea.

"Hey! Why don't we play that one game? The Bleach one, with our kids?"

I laughed. "Sure! Who's first?"

"Let's do me first!" she said excitedly.

"Okay. Which character and boy or girl?" I asked.

"Ulqui-kun. Boy." she replied almost immediately.

I smiled and thought for a minute. "Okay, I got it. Your kid with Ulquiorra would be tall, with pale skin. He would have green eyes and long blonde hair. He would be a lot like Ulqui-kun, really quiet and anti-social. But he would have a more happy side like your personality, but he wouldn't be like that very often. He would wear a lot of black, too."

Max squealed. "He would be so cool! Now do Grimmy!"

We kept doing this for a while, and after we exhausted all possibilities with Max, she started doing me and my kids.

You would be surprised how entertaining this really is.

And yes, I know we're freaks. Thank you.

By the time we finally stopped talking and fell asleep, it was like 4:30 am.

So, naturally, we didn't wake up until like 1:00 pm the next day.

So much for waking up early.

When we realized how late it was, we showered, got dressed, and ate breakfast/lunch as fast as humanly possible.

Which is pretty damn fast.

We were both done and walking around town by 1:30 pm.

That's a new fucking record, bitches.

"Who's next?" Max asked, yawning and stretching her arms high over her head.

"Ichigo and Chad." I replied. "Any idea where the fuck they would be?"

Max dropped her arms and let out a long sigh. "Hell no. They could be anywhere. I mean, Yoruichi and Kisuke were just there."

"Ya...wanna go get smoothies at the mall?"

"Hell yes."

So we went back to my house and got my older brother to give us a ride to the mall.

* * *

At the mall, we got our smoothies and started wandering around aimlessly, trying to think of places Ichigo and Chad could be.

Normally in a mall, I would have been shopping until I couldn't walk anymore, but this is Aberdeen.

Our only mall SUCKS FUCKING ASS.

The only reason I go to the mall is because that's where our only movie theater is.

So we were walking around, and my phone vibrated.

Which scared the living shit out of me.

My phone hadn't vibrated or made a single noise since I woke up in Bleach.

I stopped and pulled it out of my pocket, and when I saw who texted me, I blinked, rubbed my eyes, and blinked again.

"Who is it?" Max asked, looking over my shoulder. She frowned. "Zane? He gets service in the Black Void?"

"I fucking guess," I mumbled, clicking the open button.

_'kisuke & yoruichi r here whos nxt?'_

I hit reply and typed, _'strawberry & chad...u ok?'_

He replied a minute later with, _'yup shinji showing me around'_

_'good tell him thnx from us & piss off aizen plz...good luck!'_ I replied.

He texted back, _'already done :D'_

Max, who had read the whole thing, laughed and I smiled, putting my phone away.

We started walking again, and I heard a bunch of yelling and laughing. This really isn't all that abnormal though; people were always acting like idiots at the mall with their friends.

I looked over to see who it was. No doubt I probably knew them from school.

Damn, I was right. A big group of guys from my school were chilling at the tables by the food court.

But what really caught my attention was the two people in the middle of their group. They were both tall and muscular. One had spiky orange hair and the other was Mexican.

NO I'M NOT RACIST I'M JUST DESCRIBING WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE.

They were laughing and talking with the others.

Max followed my gaze and her mouth flopped open.

"How the _hell_ did they make all those friends in such a short amount of time?" I growled.

Max ignored my question and instead asked, "Do you know those guys?"

I clenched my fists. "Unfortunately. I go to school with them. These are the type of boys who play every goddamned sport, know every single fucking 'cool' kid in town, goes drinking and partying every fucking weekend, has probably knocked up 5 girls each, and every girl fawns over their nonexistent hotness. I personally think they have overinflated fucking egos and deserve a swift kick in their goddamned balls."

Max hid her laughter in a cough.

"Well go get them!" she said, pushing me towards the group.

I glared at her halfheartedly and stuck my tongue out.

She smiled back sweetly.

I cursed under my breath and looked over at the group. There was maybe 15 guys, and I knew every single one of them.

The guy in front was Isaac, which made me feel a little better. I've known him since kindergarten, and he was actually a lot cooler and nicer than the rest of the douche bags.

I forced a smile and walked up to him.

"Hey guys! Hey Isaac!" I said cheerfully with a little half wave.

Everyone glanced at me, and I saw a couple guys roll their eyes at me.

It took all my fucking will power to not start swinging punches. Rolling their eyes was so not fucking necessary!

"Hey Meridian." Isaac said, smiling. "What's up?"

"Not much." I looked past him at Ichigo and Chad, and faked surprise.

"Ichi, Chad?" I said, putting my hand over my chest in that over dramatic way you see on TV. "Wow, I haven't seen you guys in forever! How have you been? Come on, let's talk! Sorry Isaac, I'm going to borrow these two, see ya later!" I babbled fast, grabbing Ichigo and Chad and all but running back around the corner to where Max was.

I knew Isaac wouldn't be mad at me, he was just that cool.

"Hey Strawberry, hey Chad." Max said.

Ichigo's temple throbbed. "My name's not Strawberry!"

"Yes it is now shut the fuck up." I said.

Ichigo actually growled at me.

I laughed. "Come on, let's get away from those ass holes."

I lead the way to the back of the mall where we hid in Herbergers.

"So let me guess. You guys don't _feel_ like you're ready to go back." I said, quirking an eyebrow.

"Not quite." Chad said.

I sighed. "Right. Any ideas Max?"

She smiled. "A strawberry for Strawberry?"

I laughed again. "Good enough for me."

We went back to the smoothie place and got Ichigo a strawberry smoothie.

Which so totally fucking worked.

We all laughed, including Chad, when Ichigo got his smoothie and started glowing.

"Shut the fuck up!" he growled.

When we could breathe again, Max said, "I got Chad's." She pulled a small coin from her pocket and held it up.

"What the fuck is that?" Me and Ichigo asked.

"A Peso." Max and Chad replied.

We looked at each other.

"Fucking weird." Me and Max said, then looked at each other again and yelled "JYNX! Damn! JYNX! Damn! JYNX! Damn!"

"SHUDDUP!" Ichigo roared.

"WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP! FUCKING JYNX! GODDAMNIT!"

"Hey!" Chad yelled.

We shut up.

"We have more important things to discuss right now." he said in that sickeningly calm way he had.

I took a deep breath. "Right. So where the hell did you get a Peso?"

"Daddy got it for me." Max said. "He went to Mexico a week before I got here and he brought this back for me. I remembered I put it in these pant pockets and forgot about it."

She handed it to Chad, and he glowed.

"Fuck yes!" I cheered. "Let's go!"

I called up my older brother, Nicko, for a ride, but he was at work.

APPARENTLY, so was his girlfriend (who was also my friend) my mom, my dad, my cousin, my other cousin, Max's dad, my aunt, my uncle, my frigging grandma, and even my cousin's ex-husband who hates my guts.

FUCK. MY. LIFE.

Which meant I'd have to call a friend.

Right now, I only had 3 friends who could drive.

Monika, who couldn't because she was at archery; Kendra, who couldn't because she was working; and Naomi, who was probably also working but I didn't want to call just in case she recognized Ichigo and Chad. Out of all my friends, only 2 watch Bleach: Naomi and Ezzy. I know Kisuke said they shouldn't recognize them, but knowing my luck something would go horribly wrong and she would.

I finally did call her, and she was fucking working.

GODDAMNIT.

"Fuck. I guess we're just going to have to kill some time until Nicko gets off work." I said.

"We could go to a movie." Max suggested.

I looked at Ichigo and Chad, who shrugged, and said, "Why not." with a shrug of my own.

So we walked to the theater where we literally fought over which movie to see.

Chad and Ichigo wanted to see Unknown, while me and Max wanted to see Beastly.

We got into a huge ass argument over it, and the thing was, I actually wanted to see Unknown. The only reason I argued so heatedly over it was to piss off Ichigo.

Max realized this about halfway through, and continued to argue even more fiercely.

She is such a great friend.

"There is no way in hell I'm watching that movie!" Ichigo yelled, pointing dramatically at the movie poster for Beastly.

"I don't give a fuck!" I screamed back. "I'll drag you in there kicking and screaming if I have to, you xenophobic twat!"

He blinked. "What the fuck does that even mean?"

"Hell if I know! I saw it on a YouTube comment!"

"What the fuck? ARRGHH, you know what, fine! We'll go see fucking Beastly!"

"...No, I'd rather see Unknown."

Ichigo screamed and attempted to kill me, shouting every cuss word he knew in both English and Japanese, but Chad held him back.

Me and Max laughed our asses off, which just pissed him off more.

"HEY!" I yelled through my laughing. "THERE ARE LITTLE EARS IN THIS PLACE! STOP THE GODDAMNED CUSSING YOU FUCKING PUSSY!"

Ichigo screamed again, and I swear I thought he was going to turn into a freaking Hollow right there.

"You got him Chad?" Max asked, still giggling.

"Yeah." he replied, throwing Ichigo over his should like a sack of potatoes.

"WHAT THE HELL CHAD? IF I COULD LEAVE MY BODY RIGHT NOW BOTH OF YOU WOULD SO BE FUCKING DEAD!" Ichigo screamed, his temple throbbing like crazy and I even saw his eye twitch a bit.

We walked into the theater like that: Me and Max laughing hysterically with Chad carrying Ichigo over his shoulder and shouting obscenities to the world.

DAMN, the look on the worker's faces were fucking priceless!

We managed to get Ichigo to shut the fuck up during the movie, and Chad set him down.

On the seat as far away from us as possible.

Smart move, Chad, smart move.

After the movie, however, Ichigo started his rant up again and Chad dragged him out of there over his shoulder once again.

Nicko was finally off work, so he came to pick us up.

When he saw Ichigo and Chad, the first thing he said was "Who the fuck are they and do I have to give them a ride?"

"Yup." I smiled. "Take us all back to the house."

"All of you?" he raised an eyebrow.

"That's what I said."

He shrugged. "Whatever."

We climbed into Nicko's tiny little 2 door car and set off for home, blasting the radio the whole way.

When we got home, my parents were sleeping.

THANK GOD.

They would have fucking freaked if they saw Ichigo and Chad.

I mean, we were at the mall with 2 boys roughly the same age as us and we brought them home.

At night.

Now doesn't that sound innocent?

Sarcasm intended.

We led them through the door that magically led to the Room of Mirrors as we now called it, and watched as the both walked around until they found their respective mirrors.

Chad nodded and said, "Thanks for everything." before disappearing.

Ichigo, however, flipped us off and said "Fuck you and I hope you burn in Hell," before disappearing into his mirror.

Me and Max just laughed.

GOD I love pissing him off.

I pulled out my phone and sent a quick text to Zane: _'chad & ichi on their way. Be careful icihgo is pissed XD'_

Max yawned. "Can I just crash here again?"

"Yeah."

* * *

**A/N: End chapter!**

**Hahaha, I hope you liked it!**

**I had so much fucking fun writing this chapter.**

**By the way, XENOPHOBIC means "having abnormal fear or hatred of the strange or foreign."**

**Yeah, I know it doesn't really apply, but I love that word :) And I actually did find that on a YouTube comment, haha.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! It makes me happy :D**

**OH! Next chapter will be Zane's point of view. I'm switching back and forth between them.**


	16. Yammy vs Zane

**A/N: Ack! I'm so fucking sorry this took so long!**

**You guys would not believe how fucking hard it is to write a chapter in Zane's point of view. **

**That and, I have been having some major family issues at the moment, so I really am sorry. **

**AND! Fanfic dot net has decided to be really fucking stupid, and it wouldn't let me update for a couple weeks. I don't know, it said there was some fucking error or something, I don't know. **

**Anyway, thank you to SaiyokuRiku and TheDarkTulip.**

**Please review! It lets me know you actually like the shit my fucked up mind comes up with :D**

* * *

When the cheers died down and everyone went back to their own thing, Zane turned to Kisuke and Yoruichi. "Did Max and Meridian explain everything?"

"Yup." Kisuke replied.

"Cool. Hey, do you happen to know any of the Arrancar?" he asked.

"Not really, no."

"Aw fuck. Okay."

Kisuke shrugged. "Go introduce yourself. They can't hurt you, right?"

"They can't _kill_ me," Zane corrected. "That doesn't stop someone like Yammy from punching the shit out of me."

Yoruichi rolled her eyes. "Don't be such a pansy."

"I'm not a pansy you damn cat!" Zane yelled, his temple throbbing.

She smirked. "Than go piss off Yammy."

"...You're trying to kill me, aren't you?"

"Yup. Now go, Pansy Boy!"

"I'm not a fucking pansy! Besides, I can't get down. It's not like there's a staircase or... any... thing..." he trailed off as he saw the staircase on the opposite side of the platform that Kisuke had just pointed out.

"God DAMMIT!"

Zane stomped down the staircase and away from Kisuke and Yoruichi, who were rudely laughing their asses off at him.

"Damn bastards," he muttered.

He scanned the crowd for that damn Espada. And, after a few long ass minutes, he found him yelling at some poor Arrancar.

Zane stomped up to him and yelled, "Yo, fat ass!"

Yammy glared down at him. "What the hell did you just say?"

"You fucking heard me!" Zane yelled. He was still a little pissed, which was making him recklessly stupid. "I called you a fat ass you douche bag!"

Yammy literally growled at him. "Are you looking for a fight?"

"What if I am? What are you going to do about it? It's not like you can do much! Even with your sword and powers, you're still a useless fuck!" Zane yelled.

Yammy roared and swung his fist down, aiming for Zane.

"Holy shit!" Zane yelled, as he just barely managed to avoid being crushed to death.

"You damn ant!" Yammy roared.

"I HOPE YOU'RE FUCKING HAPPY YORUICHI!" Zane yelled when he heard the cat woman's evil laughter. He yelled again when Yammy almost hit him.

Zane took off running through the crowd, muttering, "Shit shit shit shit shit shit dammit dammit dammit FUCK MY GODAMN LIFE!"

He easily weaved in and out of the people, and looked back to see Yammy much closer than he had hoped. "Aw FUCK!"

Yammy was just plowing through everyone, swatting people aside and just plain trampling others.

It was a scary as hell sight when you're being chased by that.

Yammy got closer and closer, and when he swung his fist down this time, Zane was close enough that he felt the woosh of air as he just barely dodged it.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" Zane screamed, running faster.

Shinji saw him run past and sighed. "Wow, you are pathetic." he mumbled.

"SHUT THE FUCKUP SHINJI!" Zane yelled at him. "YOU WOULD BE DOING THE EXACT SAME THING IN MY FUCKING POSITION!"

"Nope. I don't think I would." Shinji said.

"SCREW YOU, YOU CREEPY ASS BASTARD!" Zane yelled.

Shinji laughed at him.

Actually, at this point, everyone was enjoying the free entertainment.

No one was really concerned. At all.

Which really pissed the fuck out of Zane.

"YOU ARE ALL EVIL BASTARDS!" he screamed.

Just then, Yammy tripped over Szayel and fell to the ground with a loud thud.

Zane used Yammy's delay and ran faster than he ever had in his life towards the platform, running up the narrow steps, and sliding to a stop in the middle, as far away from Yammy as virtually possible.

"HA!" he screamed, pointing down at Yammy with a glare. "I WIN, YOU PIECE OF CRAP!"

Yammy growled and cursed, before getting back up and walking away.

Zane pumped his fist in the air. "Hell to the yes!"

Some people (mostly Kenpachi) looked a little disappointed that the entertainment was over, but everyone just took it in stride, not really acting a whole lot different.

Zane was baffled.

Yammy had just tried to fucking _kill_ him, and no one cared?

What the fuck?

He growled and saw Shinji running up towards him. He jumped on the platform and smiled.

"Glad to see you're okay," he commented casually.

Zane flipped him off before saying, "The least you could have done was help."

Shinji laughed. "Nah, this was much more fun. Besides, you didn't actually get hurt."

"But I could have!" Zane shouted. "It's freaking YAMMY! Espada number 10 / 0! HE COULD HAVE KILLED ME IN A FREAKING INSTANT!"

"But he didn't," Shinji said calmly. "Now quite being a pansy."

Zane's temple throbbed and his eye twitched menacingly.

"Don't. Call. Me. A. Fucking. Pansy."

* * *

**A/N: And because my creative juices are almost completely dried up right now, we're stopping here. **

**Sorry.**

**Holy crap, this is the shortest chapter I think I've ever written. 0.0**

**But please review! The next chapter should come sooner, since it should be a hell of a lot easier to write. **


	17. Glow Bowling

**A/N: And chapter 17! Yay!**

**Thank you to Mr. Jay black, murderdollsfangirl, and Nnoitraisaspoon (Haha I love that username XD) **

**For anyone who read my other story, 'Intertwined', I put a message up about it on my profile. Basically, I was looking over it the other day and realized it sucks ass. So I'm going to re-write it. I'll post on my profile how far I am, and when I'm done I'm going re-upload it all at once. **

**Back to this story, I don't own Facebook or any of the movies mentioned.**

* * *

As with the night before, me and Max had issues getting to sleep.

Not our fault we're more nocturnal teenagers.

When we woke up at two in the afternoon the next day, I said, "Ah just fuck it. I'm not even going to try to go to bed early. It's not working."

"I agree," Max said with a yawn, which caused me to also yawn.

"Ya want pancakes?" I mumbled, getting up from my bed.

Max's eyes lit up. "Yes please!"

I walked into the kitchen and started getting things ready to make pancakes. Max sat at the table and watched. I pulled a bag of chocolate chips out of the freezer and held them up, raising an eyebrow at her. She smiled and nodded.

I got to work on breakfast/lunch, and Max asked, "Who do we have to find next?"

"Um, Uryu and Orihime," I said, looking up in thought.

"Sweet," she mumbled, yawning again.

"Stop yawning!" I complained, also yawning yet again.

Max giggled. "Sorry!"

I rolled my eyes, smiling, and set down a plate of pancakes on the table. Max started eating as I used up the last of the batter.

"Any idea where they could be?" I asked.

Max blinked, then shrugged.

"Aren't you helpful?" I muttered.

She laughed. "Anytime bud."

It was silent for a few minutes then, which was unnatural in my house. There was always someone shouting, fighting, or cussing. Usually all three.

I finished the rest of the pancakes and sat at the table, helping myself to some of the deliciously fluffy cakes of the pan variety.

Haha, get it? Cause, like, pans... and cakes and... oh fuck it, never mind.

Afterward, I put the dishes in the sink and left them, too lazy to actually wash them.

Me and Max showered and got dressed, and while Max was taking her turn in the shower I decided to go on Facebook. I had no idea what kind of pointless shit had been happening here while I was in the Bleach world, so why not check, right?

I logged on, and found that I had 0 notifications. As usual.

On the homepage, I checked the birthdays. I always said happy birthday to anyone, unless I severely disliked them.

...God DAMMIT!

I forgot today was Cheyenne's birthday!

I went to her wall and wrote, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLYY!"

Then I checked to see if she was on chat, which she was. I chatted to her, "wat r u doing for ur birthday?"

She chatted back, "glow bowling 2nite...yew coming?"

I frowned. "sorry but max is only in town for a lil while longer & I was gonna hang with her 2nite"

"bring her with! The more the merrier! :)" she chatted back.

I smiled, and considered it. We were supposed to be looking for Uryu and Orihime, but it was Cheyenne's birthday, and I loved glow bowling...I chatted back, "kk :) wat time r we meeting?"

"umm...9:45?" she typed.

"cool, who all did you invite?" I asked.

"monika, kendra (doubt shes coming), christine, and now yew and max :)" she typed back.

I winced a little when I read that she invited Christine. I knew she would, but I was hoping she wouldn't for some crazy ass reason. I didn't like Christine all that much. Sometimes, Christine was all nice to me and acting all buddy buddy, and the next she would be a complete bitch and just hate me. But she was Cheyenne's best friend, so I would have to be nice.

Dammit.

"alright cool see ya then!" I typed.

"byee! :D"

I logged out and checked the time. It was about 3:00 pm. Damn, we had a lot of time to kill.

Max came out of the shower then. "Hey."

"Sup. Hey, you want to go glow bowling tonight with a couple of my friends? It's Cheyenne's birthday and she invited you along," I said.

Max smiled. "Sure!"

"Sweet. We aren't going until 9:45, so we have a shit load of time to waste. What do you want to do?"

She shrugged. "What do you do around town for fun?"

I laughed. Hysterically, almost. "There is jack shit to do in this town for fun. The most is either a movie or bowling. Or Storybook land, if you're 6 years old."

"There has to be something." Max said.

"You would think." I replied.

She plopped down on the chair beside me and starting brushing through her hair. "Then should we just go to a movie?" she asked. "Kill some time?"

I shrugged. "Why not?"

I spun around on the chair and went to the movie theater website to check what was playing. "Okay, we can go see Diary of a Wimpy Kid 2, Sucker Punch, Paul, Lincoln Lawyer, Limitless, Lord of the Dance, Mars Needs Moms, Battle: Los Angeles, Red Riding Hood, and Rango. Which one?"

Max blinked. "I dunno. Have you already seen any of them?"

"Just Red Riding Hood. It was really good though." I replied. "And I am NOT going to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid or Mars Needs Moms. Those look so stupid."

"Yeah," she agreed. "How about Sucker Punch? I kinda want to see that one."

"Oh hell yeah. I really want to see that." I grinned. "So, we can go at 4:00 or 7:15, your choice."

"Let's go at 4:00."

"Deal."

We finished getting ready and blackmailed Nicko into giving us a ride to the mall where we wandered around aimlessly until the movie started.

It was a really good movie.

Afterward, we were bored again so we just messed around at my house.

Haha, good times, good times...

When 9:45 finally rolled around, we made Nicko give us another ride, but to the bowling alley this time. We each had a caffeinated drink that we smuggled in, plus a big bag of candy for Cheyenne's birthday.

We walked in, and I saw them immediately. They were standing in a little circle by the pop machines. Cheyenne was laughing at Christine, who was holding an energy drink and shouting obnoxiously at someone. Monika had a look on her face like 'Wow, that's real mature, you idiot,', and I saw another guy from my school with them, Mike, laughing too.

Me and Max walked up and we both yelled, "Hey!"

Christine held her energy drink up and yelled, "Sup!"

"HI!" Cheyenne yelled.

"Hey," Monika was calm as ever.

"Oh my gosh, hi~!" Mike said, hugging both me and Max at the same time.

I laughed. "You guys ready to bowl?"

"Hell ya!" Christine yelled, leading the way to the counter to pay and get our shoes.

We all followed, got our shoes, and went to lane 16. Glow bowling had just started, and already the place was packed full. The lights were all down except for the disco lights, and music was blaring from the speakers.

We entered our names, and I heard someone behind us shout, "Yo, what's up!"

I turned and smiled. A senior friend of ours, Austin, was there.

"Sup dude!" I yelled, giving him a high five.

"Oh my God, Austin!" Christine yelled, running over and hugging him.

Cheyenne turned to see him, and yelled, "Austin!" before attacking both of them in a hug.

"Group hug~!" Mike yelled, and me and Max were suddenly squished in a big hug with Austin, Christine, Cheyenne, Mike, and Monika.

"Oh, fuck!" I yelled, but with a smile.

Cheyenne laughed, and Christine yelled, "What?"

"Stupid freaking hugs!" I squirmed.

Cheyenne laughed harder, and so did Monika.

Mike blinked. "What?"

The hug broke apart, and I said, "I'm not a huggy person."

"Oh really?" Austin said with a smile.

"Yeah..." I drew the word out, wondering what was with Austin's creepy ass smile.

He laughed and hugged me again, causing me to scream at him, "Oh, you fucking bastard!"

He just laughed harder, and held me tighter.

I squirmed. He wasn't fucking letting go!

"Mike!" I wailed. "HELP ME!"

He laughed. "Oh, would you look at that, it's my turn to bowl!"

"Faggot!" I yelled.

He pretended to look offended. "Of all the people here, you call _me_ that?"

I rolled my eyes. Mike's bi. Get over it.

He laughed, not really offended, and went to bowl. I looked at Max pleadingly, but she was looking the other way.

"Hey Max!" I yelled. "A little help?"

Austin laughed maniacally.

"IMMA KILL YOU WHEN I'M FREE YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" I screamed at him, my temple throbbing.

Max looked back at me, giggled slightly, then pointed and said, "Quincy Girl!"

I widened my eyes a little. That was our code for "HOLY SHIT THERE'S URYU AND ORIHIME!"

I looked where she was pointing, and sure enough, there was Uryu and Orihime bowling.

And damn, Uryu looked hot.

He was wearing a black button up shirt that was only part way buttoned so his chest showed and blue jeans. It was plain and simple, but it was something other than white and surprisingly hot.

Orihime, on the other hand, was wearing something she obviously didn't pick out because it was so not her style.

She had a low cut, long sleeve, off the shoulder black shirt matched with a short red plaid skirt that was frayed and ripped on the bottom. She had black fishnet stockings, and I saw a pair of black boots off to the side I assumed were her's. She had long black earrings and a black choker with a cross on it.

I raised an eyebrow. Who the hell made her wear that?

Austin followed my gaze. "Holy shit she's hot. Do you know her?"

I rolled my eyes, but I noticed his grip on me loosened with the distraction. I ripped free from his death grip hug and kneed him solidly between the knees.

He went down, cussing me out.

I smiled sweetly. "And that, my dear Mexican friend, is why you don't hug me."

He flipped me off, calling me something in Spanish that I assumed was 'bitch'.

I walked over to Max and said, "Should we drag them out of here now, or after we glow bowl?"

We watched Orihime bowl a strike, and she cheered while Uryu smiled. They were having fun.

"Let's wait. I don't want to ruin it for them, and I don't really want to leave yet." she said.

"Me either."

"Meridian, get your ass over here! It's your turn!"

I rolled my eyes at Christine's obnoxious yelling, but went to bowl my turn anyway.

The rest of the night was really fun. Cheyenne and Christine had way too many energy drinks, and no one dared to hug me. We took a lot of random pictures, which went on Facebook the same night. The bowling lane hated us, and the people next to us on both sides got drunk off their asses.

All in all, a fun as hell night.

When midnight came, all too quickly, the music disappeared and the lights came back on. A lot of people groaned, not wanting the night to be over. We put our bowling balls back and took our shoes back to the counter.

I swear Cheyenne was drunk from her energy drink.

I didn't think that was possible.

We all said our good byes, and me and Max went to corner Uryu and Orihime before they left. We found them by the stupid crane game. It looked like Orihime was trying to get Uryu to win her something.

We ran over to them, and Orihime saw us first.

Her pleading look turned to one of happiness. "Meridian, Max!" she yelled, waving at us.

Uryu turned, and also smiled slightly. "Good. Now we can go home."

"Not quite." I frowned. "We have to find your guys' objects first."

Max waved me off. "I've got it covered. I found the perfect things earlier today when we were messing around."

"Oh. Sweet!"

I called up Nicko, who came to pick us up.

Yes, I did blackmail my 19 year old brother to be my personal chauffeur.

When he saw Uryu and Orihime, he raised his eyebrows and continued to stare at Orihime. "Who are you?"

"Haley and Quincy." I said. Max giggled at my completely original name for Uryu. I had to give them more American names because Japanese names would sound weird, especially since they didn't really look Asian.

Which didn't make any fucking sense at all, but whatever.

"They're coming to our house." I said.

"Why the hell are you always bringing strangers home? What, are you guys going to have a foursome or something? Because if that's the case, then I want in!" Nicko said.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DUMBASS!" I roared.

We all piled into his tiny car and I said, "Just drive!"

He made a 'Tch' noise before pulling out of the parking lot and heading for home.

* * *

It was 12:30 when we got home, and my parents were once again sleeping.

Thank God.

Max disappeared into my room and came back a minute later with two objects.

My mom's sewing kit and a little bottle of bubbles.

She then handed the sewing kit to Uryu, who glowed.

I giggled a little, and Max gave the bottle of bubbles to Orihime, who also glowed.

"Bubbles?" I asked her. "What gave you that idea?"

"Well, Orihime just has a really bubbly personality." Max said. Then she leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Plus she's weak and her only real use is to look pretty for the guys,"

I laughed loudly at that, seeing the truth in it.

"What's so funny?" Orihime asked.

"Those are stolen bubbles," I lied. "A joke on a friend of ours."

Orihime made an "Oh" noise, then asked, "Your friend won't be upset will they? If the bubbles belong to someone else, you should give them back! Your friend is probably looking everywhere for them!"

Uryu pushed up his glasses. "Orihime, they're just bubbles. I don't think anyone will be too upset at losing something so easily replaceable."

I shrugged. "Don't worry about it, I'll buy some new bubbles. Now come on, it's time for you guys to go home."

Me and Max led them down to the Room of Mirrors, where we waited patiently for them to find the right mirror.

And by patiently, I mean swearing under my breath every other minute and Max tapping her foot and looking annoyed.

When they finally got it right, Uryu gave us a small nod and Orihime decided to hug the shit out of us and yell, "Thanks guys!" before finally going through her mirror.

I almost fucking pushed her through it.

"She's one of your favorite characters, isn't she?" I asked Max, rubbing my tired eyes.

Max giggled. "Yeahhh..."

"I hate her. She's so fucking annoying." I growled.

Max stuck her tongue out at me. "I like her! Besides, she's destined to be with Ulqui-kun!"

I smiled, just a little. "That's the only time I like Orihime. When she's doing Ulquiorra."

Max hit my shoulder, and her phone beeped. She yelped a little, then took out her phone. "Text message!" she announced.

"Thanks for sharing," I replied.

"Anytime!" she laughed. "Aww!"

"What?"

"Daddy wants me to come home tonight," Max pouted.

"That sucks." I said with a frown. "I can get Nicko to give you a ride, if you need one."

Max sighed. "Yeah, I do. Thanks."

"No problem."

So Nicko was forced into giving Max a ride back to my cousin's house, where she was staying. We said our good nights, and agreed to meet at my house at 3:00 pm tomorrow.

When I got home, I crashed on the couch. It was only 1:30 am, but I was really tired for some reason. My day hadn't been all that busy, but whatever.

I grabbed the remote and turned the TV off before letting the remote slip from my hands as I closed my eyes and fell asleep.


	18. Bouncy Swords

**A/N: Woo hoo! I got it done!**

**Thank you to MyRealNameIsHiding and Renji's-Chicka.**

**So, from the 15th to the 18th, don't expect an update. I'm going on a trip with my orchestra to fucking CHICAGO! I'm so goddamned excited for this! Anyway, I'm going to try to write out a chapter on the 11 hour bus ride to get there. Plus another 11 hours to get home, so I'm hoping to have a good long chapter ready for you guys! I'll update possibly when I get back on the 18th, but I'm gonna be super fucking tired so probably not until the 19th. **

**Anyway, enjoy another chapter of Zane's misfortune!**

* * *

Zane sighed. This Black Void shit was getting really old, really fast. And his time here wasn't even close to done. Only Kisuke and Yoruichi were back, plus Ichigo and Chad who got there just a little bit ago. And for some reason, Ichigo was severely pissed off.

Like, so pissed off he kill Nnoitra.

Well, he would have, if Nnoitra had been able to die.

No one dies here.

This only pissed off Ichigo even more, and he went on some ape shit rampage on everyone.

Which was actually pretty fucking hilarious.

But then Rukia calmed him down, and ruined Zane's only source of entertainment. Damn midget.

So now Zane was bored. Again. The only person he liked that was actually here was Chad. And Chad didn't talk a lot. Chad didn't do anything, really. Except follow Ichigo around like an oversized Mexican puppy.

And Shinji was just fucking annoying.

Zane wasn't sure why, there was just something about the Creeper and his creepy smile that annoyed the fuck out of him. Besides, he was usually talking to the other Vizards about stuff that he really didn't give a fuck about.

_'Maybe I should piss off Ichigo again,'_ Zane thought. _'That was fun. Maybe this time I can get him to try and kill a Soul Reaper.'_

Zane surveyed the crowd from his spot on the platform.

"Oh fuck, Renji's not here." he muttered. "Watching Ichigo try to kill him would be fun."

He kept looking, and frowned when he noticed Byakuya was gone to. "Dammit! No one fun to mess with is here!" he growled.

Then he saw the perfect person.

Ikkaku Whatever-the-fuck-his-last-name-is.

He ran down from the platform and over to the angry, shiny headed man. "Ikkaku!"

Ikkaku turned to look at Zane, his now rubber sword leaning on his shoulder. "Hm? Oh, it's you. What do you want kid?"

Zane smiled. "I'm bored, so I was thinking I would piss off Ichigo and cause him to fight you. You game?"

Ikkaku smiled. "Oh hell yeah. Piss him off good, I'm in the mood for a real fight."

"Deal." Zane replied, and ran off to find the Strawberry.

He found him by Rukia (surprise surprise). They were talking about something, Zane wasn't sure what, but Ichigo was talking heatedly and looked pissed.

Good.

"Yo Strawberry, what's up?" Zane yelled.

Ichigo turned, a very angry expression on his face. "What the fuck do you want?" he yelled back.

Zane just shrugged nonchalantly. "Just thought I'd tell you, Ikkaku was talking some shit about you over there," He pointed to the general direction of Ikkaku.

Ichigo growled. Like he literally fucking _growled_. "What kind of shit?"

Zane shrugged again. He was having way to much fun with this. "Just that you're a fucking pansy bastard with no balls who can't fight worth shit."

Ichigo's eyes widened and he yelled, "I'LL KILL THAT WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!"

Then he ran off like a goddamned madman towards Ikkaku, Rukia shaking her head at his dumb ass-ness.

Then she turned on Zane, her violet eyes narrowed. "Why the hell would you piss him off again?" she asked. "He was just starting to calm down!"

Zane smiled. "I was bored. But come on!" he added hastily, seeing her murderous look. "A fight between Ichigo and Ikkaku using rubber swords in which no one can die? That's quality fucking entertainment right there! And besides, it's not like they're gonna get hurt. They have rubber swords for fuck's sake!" He laughed at how awesome he knew this was going to be.

Rukia blinked. "You're a dumb ass."

Zane waved her off. "Oh, you know you want to watch it too!"

"So?"

"So come on already!" Zane yelled, grabbing her arm and dragging her towards Ikkaku and Ichigo.

Rukia rolled her eyes, but Zane saw her smile.

Oh yeah. This was gonna kick ass.

By the time they got waaay the fuck back over to the fight area, it had already started.

Everyone in the Void had gathered around the two, giving them enough space to fight. People were cheering and yelling, and everyone was excited.

Zane and Rukia pushed their way to the front of the crowd so they had front row seats.

Ichigo was panting heavily, mostly from rage, and his eyes were wide as he held Zangetsu in his fighting stance.

Ikkaku, on the other side of the clearing, was grinning madly, his body turned sideways, knees bent, holding Hozukimaru sideways in front of his stomach and it's sheath sideways behind his head.

"Bring it on ya pansy!" Ikkaku yelled.

Ichigo yelled in rage and ran at him, swinging his zanpakuto.

Ikkaku easily jumped up and avoided it, then proceeded to roundhouse kick him, Chuck Norris style.

Though not nearly as good as Chuck Norris. No one beats the fucking master at his own move.

Ichigo fell back. "Aw fuck!" he yelled, holding his face where it had been kicked. "You just went fucking Chuck Norris on me!"

"You're damn straight!" Ikkaku yelled, swinging his sword down at him.

"You guys know who Chuck Norris is?" Zane whispered to Rukia, as Ichigo rolled out of the way.

"Well duh." she replied. "We're dead, not mentally challenged."

"Point taken."

Ichigo was back on his feet, and Ikkaku was swinging wildly at him. Ichigo was blocking his attacks fairly easily; the broad surface of his sword helped.

Ikkaku noticed this. "Hey!" he yelled with a sick smile. "That's hardly fair! Your rubber thing is bigger than mine! Though, it's probably just to compensate for something."

"FUCK YOU!" Ichigo roared, swinging at him.

Ikkaku laughed, and landed a blow to Ichigo's shoulder.

Which just kinda bounced off him.

"What the fuck?" Ikkaku said, staring at his sword.

"They're rubber, remember dumb ass?" Zane called from the crowd.

Ikkaku glared at him. "I know that! I just didn't think they would be fucking _bouncy_!"

"They bounce?" Ichigo asked. He then proceeded to throw his zanpakuto on the ground as hard as he could.

The damn thing bounced back up 20 feet in the air.

Ichigo caught it, and burst out laughing.

"That's fucking awesome!" He yelled. Then he bounced his sword again.

Ikkaku blinked, then mimicked Ichigo and laughed as he caught his apparently bouncy zanpakuto.

"What the hell?" Zane yelled. "What-"

He turned to talk to Rukia, to find her bouncing her sword and giggling too.

"It's so much fun!" she squealed. She sounded like a little kid.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Zane said. "This was supposed to be a goddamned fight! Not some fucking bounce fest!"

He looked around to see that everyone who had a sword was now bouncing it as high as they could in the air. People were even having contests to see who could bounce the highest.

Kenpachi was winning.

Which apparently pissed off Aizen, because he's "a fucking immortal god who should be able to bounce a damn sword higher than some goddamned Soul Reaper!"

Zane repeatedly hit his head on a wall that conveniently appeared out of fucking no where.

_'FUCK. MY. LIFE.'_

* * *

**A/N: Haha, poor Zane. **

**I'm so mean to my own little brother. XD**

**REVIEW! **

**It makes me happy :)**


	19. The Circus

**A/N: Thank you to Bloody-kick-ass, jpbrat10, audiochick, Charlieey Orihara, Evil Pinapple, Lucaila, AkiraUchihaHitsugaya16, Sugarpunch18, ChocoCosplayer and everyone else who reviewed/faved/alerted my story :)**

**You guys have no idea how happy it makes me to see all those names!**

**MyRealNameIsHiding: If Chuck Norris were to become a Soul Reaper, he would be the new Head Captain because no one would be better than him. Not even Ichigo, the cheap ass all fucking powerful main character XD**

**And MaxRide14: I LOVE YOU TOOO! My and Zane miss you!**

**If you've actually been paying attention to the days in the story, it's now Monday. And yes, I realize it makes absolutely no fucking sense for there to be a circus on a Monday, but I went to the circus a couple weeks ago and wanted to write about it so NI! **

**So, I got back from Chicago. IT. WAS. FUCKING. AMAZING. I'm from a small-ish town, so going to a huge ass place like that was fucking amazing! And I absolutely loved how everyone there had no idea where the hell Aberdeen, SD was. The closest anyone got was Sturgis. That's 6 hours away. -.-'**

**To avoid the monotony of Max and Meridian chapters being the same, I'm gonna mix it up a bit and this one will take more than one chapter.**

**Enjoy and Review! **

* * *

In the morning I was rudely awakened by my mother. She turned the living room light on, and I groggily opened my eyes.

Only to scream my fucking head off at the bright light.

"What the hell?" I heard Mom scream.

I groaned loudly and flipped on my stomach, burying my face in the arm of the couch. "Too much light." I complained.

Mom rolled her eyes. "Oh deal with it, I have to go to work."

"But you don't even need this light on!"

"I do now."

"What for?"

"To wake you up."

If she hadn't been my mother, I would have flipped her off.

I rolled off the couch and stumbled into my bedroom. The time on my digital clock on my headboard said 6 fucking 30 am.

I groaned loudly again and flopped onto my bed. My bed always felt so nice and comfy early in the morning.

Despite how tired I was, I couldn't fall back asleep. Mostly because my dear mother decided it was necessary to turn on every single fucking light in the house, all of which indirectly shine into my room, and blast the radio in the bathroom really loud.

When she finally left at 7:50 and it was quiet again, I fell asleep instantly.

Mom was a bitch in the morning.

* * *

I woke up again in the afternoon to my phone vibrating like crazy on my wooden headboard. I blindly reached up and grabbed it, cracking an eye open to see who the hell decided it would be fun to wake me up.

Monika.

She was calling me.

Of fucking course.

I hit the green button and mumbled, "Sup."

"Hey," I heard her say. "Were you sleeping?"

I yawned before replying with, "What kind of stupid question is that?"

Monika laughed. "Wow. It's 2:00 pm. That's sad."

"No it's not," I argued. "Besides, I do this every freaking day. What makes you think it's going to be any different today?"

"That's still sad."

"The hell it is."

"Sad."

"So why did you call me?"

"Wanna go to the circus tonight?"

I blinked. Oh fuck. That's right. The circus is in town.

"Sure, why the hell not. Can Max come too?"

"Sure. I'm going to text Naomi, Cheyenne, and Jenna too. I'll probably have to call Bryan and Kyle, and Star." I heard her sigh. "Although I think _you_ should call Bryan."

I rolled my eyes and blushed, just a little. "Nah, I think I'll leave that for you." I replied.

Monika laughed. "Oh no, _you_ like him, _you're_ calling him."

"Just because I kinda like him doesn't mean I should call him! Besides, it's your fucking idea!" I almost yelled.

"'Kinda like' my ass. You _really_ like him." Monika said.

I could hear the damn smile in her voice.

"Shut the fuck up!" I said.

Monika laughed. "Call him."

"I don't have his number."

"Bull shit."

"...So?"

"Just freaking call him!"

"OH SORRY WE'RE BREAKING UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OK BYE!" I yelled in a rush before hanging up on her.

I threw my phone down on my bed and yawned again.

Geez Monika. What the fuck did she want to invite them for anyway? I mean, yeah, we hung out with Kyle and Bryan in school a lot, and we were friends, but we usually didn't hang out outside of school.

I shook my head and went to take a shower. I had to meet up with Max and tell her about our plans for the circus, and then we still had people to find.

Dammit.

Let's see, the next two people were...oh hell yes.

Juushiro Ukitake and Shunsui Kyoraku.

Two of my most favorite characters.

Fuck yes!

After my nice 45 minute long shower, I checked my phone to find 3 text messages from Monika. The first one read: _'naomi can go jenna cant & cheyenne is already goin but idk w/who'_

The second said: _'star can kyle cant bryan not answering'_

The third: _'carpool thingy?'_

The "carpool thingy" was a thing we had worked out. One of our parents gives both of us a ride to where we're going, and the other person's parent gives both of us a ride back home after.

I replied, _'kk & sure'_

I got dressed and decided to walk over to my cousin's house where Max was staying. It was only like 5 blocks away.

When I got there, I walked right in and yelled, "Hey guys! Anyone home?"

I'm really close with my cousins, and their house is like my second home.

"Meridian!" Max came in and glomped me.

"Hey Meridian!" I heard my cousin, Tammy, yell.

"Where's your Dad?" I asked Max.

"He had some stuff to do." she shrugged. "So what's up?"

"Not much. Wanna go to the circus tonight? A bunch of my friends are going, and they invited us." I said.

"Sure!" Max said.

"Awesome. Starts at 8:00, but we're going to leave at around 7:15-ish."

* * *

At 7:15, Monika came to pick up me and Max to go to the circus. When we got there, the place was fucking packed. And we had to find Naomi and Star.

Fuck.

So we started walking. The circus didn't start for another 45 minutes, and almost every single fucking seat was filled.

We finally met up with the other two, and we were walking down one of the crowded, narrow hallways when I saw two familiar people walk past, going the opposite direction.

I randomly said, "I have to go to the bathroom!"

My friends gave me one of those "Are you fucking shitting me?" looks, and I grabbed Max's arm.

"Go find seats, I'll text you when I'm done and we can meet up, okay bye!" I ran off, dragging Max behind me.

"Why do I have to come?" she complained.

"Really? Did you not see them?" I asked.

"See who?" Max twanged in her southern accent, tilting her head to the side and blinking.

"Shunsui and Ukitake!" I yelled. I could still barely see them through the crowd. "They're the next two people!"

"Oh crap! They're here?"

"Yes! Do you really think I'd go to the bathroom at the circus? The lines are ridiculous, I'd rather piss myself first."

Max laughed and followed me through the crowd. I squinted, trying to keep Ukitake's white hair in sight.

Which was unfuckingbelievably hard.

I mean, you don't see a lot of white hair there because the elderly don't usually go to the circus. But whate- oh FUCK MY LIFE.

They're gone.

SHIIIIIIIT.

I stopped in the middle of the hallway and Max rammed into my back. "Ow! Why did you freaking stop?" she demanded.

"God DAMNIT!" I yelled, stomping my foot and causing several people to give me only sightly weird stares.

I say only slightly because this is the goddamned circus and it's probably not all that weird.

"What?" Max yelled.

"They're gone. They're fucking gone!" I yelled. I screamed and pulled at my hair.

Do you have any idea how fucking hard it was going to be find them in the goddamned circus? Half the fucking town was there! Granted, it's not a huge town, but that doesn't make it any less hard!

FUCK!

"You lost them? Craaaap!" Max said. "What do we do now?"

I sighed. "We chose a random direction and go." I said.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Nope."

"Left?"

"That works."

So we took a left and started looking.

We squirmed past all the people, and we weren't seeing them anywhere.

Then we started going through hallways I didn't recognize too well.

Which was very bad, because I know that place like the back of my hand, so if it was a hallway I didn't know, we probably shouldn't be there.

"Max, come on, let's go a different way. I don't know this area too well." I said.

"No! What if they're over here?" she replied, still walking.

"I highly doubt that." I mumbled, but we kept walking.

"There you two are!"

Me and Max both turned around at the random voice to see some guy we didn't know running towards us, looking slightly angry.

He stopped in front of us and frowned. "I've been looking everywhere for you two! The show starts in 10 minutes, and you're not even dressed! Get back stage, now!"

I blinked. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Don't give me that shit, Marie!" the guy said, pushing me and Max towards where I assumed back stage was. "I don't care if you're wasted off your ass, you have a show to do and, damnit, you're gonna do it!"

"Who's Marie?" Max asked.

"Damnit, are you wasted too, Chelsea?" The guy sounded really pissed. "Whatever. Just get the fuck backstage! You have a show to do!"

"Hey man!" I yelled, shoving his hand off my shoulder. I noticed he smelled heavily of alcohol. Shit. "I don't know who the hell you are, or who Marie and Chelsea are, but they're not us! We're looking for two men, so just leave us the fuck alone!"

The guy rolled his eyes. "Yeah right. If you're looking for guys, then you're Chelsea and Marie. Now go!"

He pushed us into a room I'd never been in before, and immediately a guy threw two costumes at us. "Go get changed!" he yelled, shoving us into a dressing room.

"But we're not in the fucking show!" I yelled.

"You are now!"

"WHAT?"

"Change! Now!"

He slammed the door behind us.

Max looked at me with wide eyes. "What. The. Hell. Did he just say!"

"There is no way in hell we're gonna be in this show!" I yelled. I ran to the door, but just then some lady smoking a cigarette burst through.

"Who the hell are you?" I demanded.

"Why aren't you in uniform yet?" she demanded in a voice that was scarily deep and scratchy.

"Because we aren't in the freaking show!" Max yelled, throwing her arms to the side.

"Ya, you are. Now get dressed." the lady said.

"Hell no!" I screamed.

The lady sighed. "Fine. We'll do this the hard way. Hey, Chuck!"

A really big, muscular guy came into the room wearing a security shirt. "Ya?"

"They don't wanna get dressed." The lady pointed at us.

The big guy looked at us and cracked his knuckles.

I nearly pissed myself.

"WE'RE GETTING DRESSED!" Me and Max yelled at the same time. We scrambled into the clothes as the people left.

"Holy shit circus people scare me!" I said.

Max just nodded.

"So what? Do we have to do this fucking show?" I asked.

"I guess. They think we're Marie and Chelsea, and we can't convince them otherwise!" Max said.

I groaned. Just fucking great. And we still had to find Ukitake and Shunsui.

Damnit!

We finished dressing, and looked in the mirror at the ridiculous outfits we were wearing.

They were identical, and a deep red color. The neck was deep and V shaped, with two lines of silver glitter running diagonal across our abdomens. The sleeves were quarter length, with silver glitter trim on the ends. The bottoms were white tights, with glitter trims, and we wore those shoes you always see the acrobats wearing. Lastly, there was a skirt like thing that was basically a piece of thin red material. We wrapped it around our waists and tied it on the side, and I noticed sparkly sequins were sewed into the material all over it so it glittered when the light hit it.

"Jeez, it's like dance class all over again," I muttered. "Except now there's more glitter."

"I don't like it." Max said.

"Me either." I replied.

Then the lady poked her head back into the room. "Good, you're ready." she said. She grabbed our arms and threw us into a different room, where we were thrown onto chairs in front of mirrors.

"Aw, fucking damnit!" I groaned, noticing the piles of make up sitting on the tables in front of the mirrors.

"Okay girls, make up time!" A very gay male voice sounded behind us.

We turned in our seats and saw a guy (who was so totally gay) and he started applying the goddamned make up.

Which pissed me off.

I. Do. Not. Like. Make. Up.

So I punched the guy in the stomach.

Then Chuck the Buff Security Guard came up and cracked his knuckles again, and when the next make up guy came over I let him do his thing.

The stupid guy destroyed our faces with red make up and goddamned glitter.

Then he threw our hair into buns on the top of our heads, and stuck a red flower in our hair.

Smoker Lady came back and dragged us up some stairs and onto a landing, where we were supposed to do our fucking act.

She pushed us through the curtain and said, "You're male partners are already out there."

We stumbled onto the high landing, and when me and Max saw who are male partners were, we both gasped and our jaws hit the floor.

"SHUNSUI AND UKITAKE?"

* * *

**A/N: HAHAHA! Yes, I'm going to stop it there. You're just going to have to wait until the next Meridian and Max chapter to see how the hell that works out.**

**And don't ask me, because I still have no fucking clue myself.**

**Anyway, next chapter is Zane, and I already have part of it written out. I'm going to work on that right after I post this, so I'm going to shut up now and go do that.**

**REVIEW!**


	20. Soi Fon is Scary Shit

**A/N: Thank you to BreakX. You get a cookie because you're the only person who I have to thank this time :)**

**HAPPY EASTER Y'ALL!**

**So, not a whole lot to say...except that I got attacked by the goddamned Plot Bunnies instead of the Easter Bunny, and now I'm trying to write out all my ideas at once so I'm writing like 10 different stories. **

**Yay...**

**Well, please review? I might make these freaking bunnies go away! DAMN FUCKING BUNNIES.**

* * *

Zane was sitting in the corner, watching Rukia bounce her goddamned sword.

_'I can't believe she's still at it!'_ he thought, and then instantly regretted it as he thought, _'That's what she said.'_

He wasn't sure how long it had been, but it was seriously getting fucking annoying. Everybody else had stopped just standing around and bouncing them, now they bounced as they walked around and did other things.

And _damn_ did they look like complete fucking morons.

Zane decided to voice his opinion, so he stood up and shouted, "YOU ALL LOOK LIKE COMPLETE FUCKING MORONS!"

Every single person in the Black Void, good or bad, stopped and glared at him.

"You are merely jealous." Szayel said, flipping his girly pink hair in a very gay way.

"Jealous of what? Being a dumb ass?" Zane yelled, his temple throbbing.

"No. Of the fact that we have swords to bounce, and you do not." Szayel said, bouncing his sword extra high as if to prove his point or something.

And you know what?

People started fucking agreeing with that damn bastard.

"Why the fuck would I want a rubber sword?" he yelled. "They have absolutely no damn purpose, _and bouncing doesn't count!"_ he added, seeing Szayel open his mouth to say something. Szayel closed his mouth and just bounced his sword again.

"You all suck monkey ass!" Zane yelled flipping them off.

He didn't know why he was pissed. Honestly, he didn't have a reason. He was just being difficult.

"What crawled up your ass and died?"

Zane turned to see who had talked to him, and saw a girl with glasses, black hair in a braid, and wearing a sailor uniform.

_'Aw shit, she's a Vizard,'_ Zane thought. _'I don't know her name.'_

"Who're you?" Zane asked, blinking.

The girl sighed. "Lisa Yadomaru. We've been over this."

"Oh right! Sorry." Zane said, not sounding sorry. At all.

"So you are you so pissed?" Lisa asked.

"Why do you care?" Zane retorted.

"Because I'm curious. No one gets that pissed for no reason." Lisa said.

"Well, I do."

"There has to be a reason."

"Not really, no."

"Now you're just being difficult."

"Damn straight."

Lisa crossed her arms in front of her and frowned. "Ya know, I'm not going to leave you alone until you tell me."

Zane shrugged. "Whatever."

Lisa sat down on the ground across from Zane. "So, you're from a different world, right? What's it like there?"

"It's just like this one, except Soul Reapers, Hollows, Vizards, Espada, all that shit, doesn't exist." Zane replied.

Lisa raised an eyebrow. "How do you know?"

Zane looked at her. "Because I do."

"That's not a legit reason." Lisa pointed out.

"Yes, it fucking is." Zane said, slightly annoyed.

Why did she want to bother him?

"No it isn't. Most people can't see those things anyway, so how do you know you're not just a normal person who can't see?" Lisa asked.

"I can see just damn fine." Zane growled.

Lisa shrugged. "If that's what you want to think."

"Why are bothering me?"

"Because I was bored, and I didn't feel like listening to Shinji and Hiyori flirt." she replied.

Zane looked past her and saw Hiyori smack the crap out of Shinji, and raised an eyebrow. "_That's_ flirting?"

Lisa didn't even look back. "Oh yeah. They're so in love, they just refuse to admit it."

"...Why?"

"Because they're stubborn jack asses."

"Ah."

Just then, Zane got a weird feeling, and turned to look at the platform to see the gold portal shimmering into view.

He smiled. "The next two are here!" he said, getting up and running towards the platform, Lisa following.

"Who's coming this time?" Lisa asked.

"What is with you and questions?" Zane demanded. "I have no idea. Meridian has the list, and I didn't memorize it before they left."

"You should have."

"Shut the fuck up."

The ran up the stairs just as two people stepped out.

When he saw who it was, he was slightly disappointed.

Uryu and Orihime.

"Zane! It's so good to see you!" Orihime cried, trapping him in a hug.

And honestly, Zane enjoyed that hug. Very much so.

"Hey Orihime." Zane replied. "Sup Uryu."

Uryu gave him a nod, then looked at Lisa. "Who are you?"

"Lisa Yadomaru. I'm a Vizard. Who are you?" Lisa replied, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Uryu Ishida. Quincy." Uryu said, pushing up his glasses.

Orihime let go of Zane and she turned to Lisa. "I'm Orihime Inoue. Nice to meet you!"

"Awesome. We'll now you all know each other, Lisa you can bug them now. I'm leaving." Zane said, and he started walking down the stairs.

"Okay. Bye Zane!" Orihime called, waving at him.

Zane gave a half wave, without turning around, and continued on his way.

When he got to the floor, he was immediately hit by something really fucking huge.

"Ow fuck!" he yelled, now on the ground. "What the hell?"

Omaeda sat on the ground by him, a foot print on his face.

"Owwww, shit that hurt," Omaeda muttered, rubbing his face. "What the hell was that for Captain?" he yelled.

Soi Fon flash stepped in front of them, a frown on her face. "For being a dumb ass." she said.

"What are you talking about?" Omaeda yelled, now on his feet. "I wasn't doing anything!"

"You were talking to an Espada." Soi Fon said. "They are our enemies. I didn't want you leaking any important information, so I stopped the conversation."

"Captain!" Omaeda whined. "I wouldn't leak information! I'm smarter than that, geez!"

Soi Fon narrowed her eyes. "I highly doubt that."

Zane, who was still on the ground, finally got up, his temple throbbing. "Well did you have to knock him into me? Geezus, the guy weighs a fucking ton!"

Soi Fon just looked at him. "You should have been paying attention."

"Well I'm sorry I wasn't looking out for fucking flying mammoths!" Zane yelled.

"Shut up." Soi Fon said. "I don't care. Now go away."

"Fuck you!" Zane said, stomping off anyway.

Truthfully, Soi Fon was scary shit and he didn't really want her to beat the fuck out of him.

And he knew she could.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, I just really wanted to get this posted. **

**Happy Easter! (AGAIN!)**

**Review! Please?**

**P.S. I know officially hate bunnies. **


	21. I Really Hate the Fucking Circus

**A/N: Hello people! Thank you to H1me-sama :)**

**One quick note: I DO NOT ENCOURAGE UNDERAGE DRINKING. AT ALL. OR ANY DRINKING, REALLY.**

**You'll understand after you read the chapter. And no, the place in the chapter were I bought the alcohol isn't real, I made that up because I needed to.**

**Well, not a lot to say, soooo...**

**Read the chapter and review dammit!**

* * *

Max and I stared, eyes wide, jaws dropped, at the two people standing in front of us.

Shunsui and Ukitake stood there, just as dumbfounded as us, dressed in circus attire. They had tight white pants and acrobat shoes, and their shirts were the same red as ours. The fronts were half open, revealing much of their muscular chests, and the sleeves had frills on the ends. Ukitake's hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and he looked startlingly young.

We blinked, then with our super ninja reflexes we were glomping them before they had time to see what was happening.

"Juushiro~!" Max squealed, hugging him tightly.

"Shunsui! We found you guys!" I yelled, hugging Shunsui.

I grinned wildly, savoring the moment that _I hugged Shunsui Kyoraku._

I absolutely fucking love him! He's my favorite captain.

I glanced at Max to see her smiling in complete fan-girl love. Yeah, she loves Ukitake.

"Meridian, Max!" Ukitake said, obviously surprised.

"What are you two doing here?" Shunsui asked.

"The damn circus guy thought we were performers, and they didn't listen when we tried to explain that we weren't." I said. "And when we refused, they threatened us with Chuck."

"Chuck?" Ukitake asked.

Max and I shivered.

"Never mind." Max said. "But we found you guys~!" She screamed like the fan girl she was, and Ukitake winced from the pitch.

Ha, bitching.

Shunsui tried unsuccessfully to pry me away from him, and when he gave up he said, "There's just one problem."

"The hell there is."

I refused to believe there was a problem that could ruin my fan girl bliss.

"We still have to do this show."

Aaaand...it's gone.

God DAMMIT!

I groaned.

"But I can't do freaking acrobatics!" Max said, her eyes wide. "I'll die!"

"Yeah!" I agreed. "And isn't it dangerous? What the hell are we supposed to do?"

"Calm down ladies," Shunsui said. "Don't forget, we're Captains of the 13 Court Guard Squads. We can handle this."

"That's right." Ukitake said. "And I think I have an idea."

"Really? Yay!" Max squealed.

"Shunsui," Ukitake looked at his friend. "Do you still have your Soul Candy?"

"Hm? Yeah, I do." Shunsui replied.

Ukitake smiled. "Good."

He detached himself from Max, who let go very, very reluctantly, and pulled out his own Soul Candy. He popped the pill into his mouth and left his body.

Even with being able to see him stand right there, I could tell the moment Ukitake left his body. I was sure Max could too, it was so obvious.

Shunsui, who had caught onto his friend's idea, also popped a pill into his mouth.

"And you left your bodies because...?" I asked.

"You four will perform the act-" Ukitake started.

"THE FUCKING HELL WE WILL!" I interrupted. "ARE YOU HIGH OR SOMETHING? THERE'S NO WAY IN SATAN'S UNDERPANTS WE'RE DOING THAT!"

"_Would you let me finish speaking?" _Ukitake said. "You four will perform the act but Shunsui and I will stand on the sides to help you and catch you if you fall. Alright?"

I blinked. "Oh. Yeah, I'm cool with that."

"Me too," Max shrugged.

"Good. Let's go Shun," Ukitake said.

Shunsui nodded and they went out to stand in the middle of the arena, in midair.

The lights went down then, and the announcer chick did her thing, announcing us as the first act.

I peered over the edge of the platform, seeing how far up we were.

For the second time that day, I nearly pissed myself.

No fucking lie.

We were really fucking high up.

Oh fuck.

I was still staring over the edge, trying not to piss myself, when Shunsui grabbed my arm and said, "Come on, it's time!"

He sounded way to fucking happy about this.

He pulled me to the other side and shoved one of those acrobat swings at me. "Just swing to the other side, do something fancy, turn around, and swing back." he said. "When you come back over, I'll grab onto your legs and we'll both swing. Alright?"

"But you're bigger!" I protested, clutching the swing. "Wouldn't it make more sense for you to go first?"

"Yup!" he smiled and pushed me off the platform.

….damn him.

I held onto the swing for dear life, feeling myself fly forward from the force of his push.

I screamed.

I screamed my fucking head off.

I saw the real Shunsui flying right next to me, and he rolled his eyes. "This is completely safe!" he called.

I stopped screaming to take a breath, and said, "The fucking hell it is!" before starting my screaming again.

I heard the audience laughing.

Does anyone have something I can use to kill whoever thought this would be funny? Anyone? Please?

I heard another, slightly higher pitched scream join mine.

That would be Max.

I was reaching the other end of the arena, and Shunsui grabbed me around my waist. "When you reach the end, let go of the swing. I have a good grip on you, don't worry. We're just gonna twirl and flip, then grab the swing again and I'll push you back."

I nodded. Did I want to do that?

Hell to the fucking no.

Did I have much choice?

Not entirely, no.

When I reached the end, I finally stopped screaming (because, ya know, I was doing that the entire time) and I ignored the little voice in the back of my head telling me to not let go of the fucking swing.

And I let go.

I felt Shunsui fly in a perfect arc, holding me tight. He flew up and around, in a flip, and twirled around at the same time, before he came back towards the swing.

All this took only a few seconds, so the swing was still there, and I grabbed on and held for dear life (again) as Shunsui let go of me with a slight push, enough to make me go.

I screamed my fucking head off.

Again.

This was scary shit!

I flew back across the arena, and in my peripheral vision I saw Shunsui flying right next to me.

And you know what he was doing?

The bastard was laughing at me.

I turned my head away from him, damn bastard, and to my left I saw Max flying on her acrobat swing, screaming, looking just as terrified as I was, with Ukitake on her other side.

Ukitake wasn't laughing at her.

She turned to look at me, and I saw my own terror reflected in her gray-green eyes.

I was so scared, I couldn't move a muscle. Not even if I wanted to, considering my body was numb due to me being scared so damn shitless.

Max and I swung right next to each other, and when we reached the other side, we threw our legs up and our male partners grabbed our ankles.

Then they jumped off the platform, suspended entirely by us.

I felt my grip slip, just a miniscule amount, and I screamed louder.

I never really had a fear of heights.

Until now, of course.

We continued with the goddamned circus act, adding all kinds of different stunts, until Announcer Lady finally introduced the next act.

ABOUT DAMN FUCKING TIME.

We landed on the platform, hardly graceful, and immediately Max and I hugged each other, still scared out of our fucking minds.

Shunsui and Ukitake returned to their bodies, and, looking way more happy than he should be, Shunsui said, "Great job girls."

"That..." I breathed.

"Was..." Max breathed.

"Scary freaking shit," we said at the same time.

"Let's get the fuck out of here," I said.

"Before they decide we're someone else and need to do another act." Max added.

"Yes," Ukitake agreed. "You two know how to get us home, right?"

I groaned.

We needed to find their objects.

FUCK.

"Yeah, we do," Max said. "But we gotta find your objects, which is probably why Meridian isn't very happy,"

"Pretty freaking much," I muttered. "Anyway, come on let's go."

Ukitake led the way down the stairs and back to the dressing rooms, where we split up (boys and girls) and changed back into our normal clothes.

And I got all that damn paint off my face.

Damn I hate make up.

We met back up with the guys and started heading for the door.

I've had enough of this stupid fucking circus.

Right before we got to the doors leading out, we passed through the little area where they sell toys and candy and shit.

I saw something that caught me eye.

"Hold up guys," I said, running off.

"Meridian, you come here every year. Do you really need a toy from the freaking circus?" Max asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"No!" I called, still plowing through the crowd.

I saw the perfect thing for our two Captains, and I was going to buy them dammit!

I reached out and plucked a giant lollipop off a stand as I ran by, and stopped in front of a little window in the wall that was tucked into the corner.

It was kinda secluded and hidden in the shadows, and for a damn good reason too.

This was the stand were they sold alcohol to quite literally anyone.

And before you ask, NO, I don't buy alcohol from here. I don't drink, dumb asses.

The only reason I knew about it is because people at my high school were always buying alcohol from here. Every high school student knew about this place.

You'd think the adults would catch on, but noooo.

Anyway, I ran up to the window and was a little pleased when I recognized the guy. He was dating one of my friends, though I haven't talked to her for a while.

"Hey Dylan," I said, greeting the taller guy.

He nodded. "What can I get ya?"

"Do you have a bottle of Captain Morgan?" I asked.

He reached down into the cupboard and pulled out a shiny new bottle of Captain Morgan. "Yup. $50."

"$50?" I repeated angrily. "That's ridiculous! It's one fucking bottle!"

A brown haired girl came and pushed Dylan away, rolling her brown eyes at him. "He's just being a dick. It's $5 for you, Meridian." she smiled.

"Thanks, Sarah," I replied, handing her the money and grabbing the bottle.

"Anytime. See ya around." she waved as I ran back to the others.

As I passed the stand where I got the lollipop from, I threw down the money on the counter, showing the guy my lollipop, and kept running.

Max raised an eyebrow when she saw me running back at them with a giant lollipop and a bottle of Captain Morgan.

"A lollipop for Ukitake," I said, handing him the lollipop. His face lit up and he stuck the whole thing in his mouth.

Not to sound dirty, or anything.

"And for Shunsui, a bottle of American alcohol." I handed the bottle of Captain Morgan to him.

Ha, it's funny, cause he's a Captain, and it's _Captain_ Morgan haha...

Oh, I need to get a life.

Shunsui looked happy and took a big swig of it.

Both men started to glow.

Max laughed. "Nice!" she said, giving me a high five.

"Oh yeah," I said.

"But how did you buy the alcohol?" Ukitake asked. "I thought you had to be 21 in America, and you barely look 17."

I grinned wildly. "You don't really want to know the answer to that."

Ukitake blinked, slowly stuck his lollipop back in his mouth, and turned around, not paying any attention to me at all.

I laughed so hard I nearly cried.

* * *

**A/N: MaxRide14: Haha, do you get why I used Captain Morgan? Not just because of the captain part, but it's Morgan, and all? Haha, I really need to stop doing that...I MISS YOU LOTS GIRLY!**


	22. Soi Fon is STILL Scary Shit

**A/N: Thank you to AbsoluteMadness29, Marshmellowtime, and narutofreak10.**

**MyRealNameIsHiding: Damn, that's a really good idea. That sparks ideas...**

**I'm so terribly sorry for the lack of updating! I only have about 2 weeks left of school, so I guess my teachers decided it would be fun to pile a shit load of homework on me.**

**I've been busy.**

**But here's the chappy, so it's all good!**

**Read, enjoy, and review!**

* * *

Zane was fairly happy for once. He was actually laughing, almost hysterically, at the new entertainment.

Soi Fon was chasing that stupid fuck Omaeda around the Black Void.

Why?

Because he pissed her off. Again.

But this time, what he did was unforgivable.

He called her an angry little midget.

Now, as true as it is, Soi Fon didn't like that. Understandably.

But instead of kicking Omaeda in the face, she chased him around the Void, shouting terrifying death threats.

Omaeda looked scared enough to piss himself.

But _damn_ he can run fast.

Of course, he was literally running for his life, so it did make more sense, but still!

Soi Fon was actually trying to catch him and couldn't!

Yup, I'm pretty sure hell just froze over. _Twice_.

Zane was perched on the platform, where it was safe, along with half of the other people in the Void. Everyone who couldn't fit on the platform was crowded underneath it.

Because, ya know, the damn thing just kinda floats there.

Unattached to anything.

Which makes absolutely no fucking sense what so ever, but what the hell.

Zane was crouched on the front, and he found himself sitting next to that one tall chick whose name he can never fucking remember.

What was it, what was it, what the fuck was it...ISANE!

That's it!

_'She's from that one squad,'_ Zane thought. _'That one that I still don't fucking remember...the 4__th__! YES! I so rock!'_

Zane smiled, pleased with himself for remembering that.

He watched as Soi Fon got close enough to Omaeda to smack his head, and everyone cheered.

Everyone was on Soi Fon's side, not only because she would beat the shit out of anyone on Omaeda's side, but also because everyone just plain hated Omaeda.

The absolute loudest person cheering was Yoruichi, which just encouraged Soi Fon even more.

Zane was surprised to find Isane among the ones cheering the loudest.

"You're from the 4th Squad," he said to her, pointing out the damn obvious. "Aren't you supposed to hate violence and shit?"

Isane didn't even look at him as she replied, "Yes, and I do. I just hate Lieutenant Omaeda more."

Zane was mildly shocked. "Isn't the 4th Squad all about loving everyone and always being nice and all that other shit that makes me want to puke?"

Isane frowned. "No. Where did you get that ridiculous idea? Have you _not_ met Captain Unohana?"

"No, actually, I haven't." Zane replied, laughing as Omaeda tripped and Soi Fon _almost_ got him. Almost.

He could have sworn he heard Isane mutter, "Lucky bastard," under her breath.

_Wow,_ Soi Fon was close. Omaeda was looking more worried now, as he should be.

She was going to fucking murder him.

She'd had her sword drawn for pretty much the entire time, and now she yelled, "Sting all enemies to death, Suzumebachi!"

Omaeda screamed like that pansy ass that he was.

Soi Fon's zanpakuto did nothing.

She stared at in angrily. "WHAT?"

Zane laughed loudly. "Captain Soi Fon, I've already explained this!" he yelled down at her. "No one can die here, and your swords are now rubber. That means no Shikai or Bankai!"

Soi Fon glared at him and made a very rude gesture.

"Hey, I don't make the rules, I just enjoy them!" he yelled, laughing.

Soi Fon raced after Omaeda, newly pissed off.

Omaeda continued screaming like that pansy ass he was.

"That reminds me," Isane said. "Why are our swords rubber? And how can no one die? That doesn't really make much sense."

"It doesn't fucking have to." Zane replied.

"So you don't know?"

"No fucking clue."

"Right."

They continued watching, and everyone nearly died of shock at what Soi Fon did next.

_She tackled Omaeda to the ground._

She seriously jumped at him and drove him painfully into the ground.

She sat on top of him, beating him mercilessly with her rubber sword as he screamed and attempted to cover his face.

Zane winced. That looked hellish painful.

"You! Fucking! Piece! Of! Shit!" she screamed, hitting him forcefully with each word she spoke. "You! Are! So! Fucking! Dead!"

She let out a terrifying Amazon style battle cry and continued her abuse.

When she had tackled him, everyone had gone silent in shock. Now Yoruichi started cheering her on loudly, and everyone joined her.

"We're such terrible people!" Zane said happily, laughing.

"I'll say."

Zane screamed and nearly fell off the platform when he heard that deep, very amused voice. He hadn't realized Kenpachi was on his other side.

Damn.

"Shit Kenpachi!" he said. "You fucking scared the hell out of me!"

Kenpachi chuckled, and Yachiru popped up OUT OF FUCKING NO WHERE on his shoulder and laughed too. "That's not my problem," he said, smiling that sick smiled he got during a particularly good fight.

"Yeah!" Yachiru giggled. "You shouldn't be such a pansy!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Zane roared. "AND WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD? YOU'RE LIKE 8 FUCKING YEARS OLD!"

Yachiru laughed again. "Kenny taught me a lot of words!" She smiled brightly.

Zane looked at Kenpachi. "What the hell dude? She's like, 8!"

Kenpachi just shrugged. "She asked."

"_She asked?_" Zane repeated. "Where the hell did she hear it in the first place?"

"How the hell should I know?" Kenpachi said, sounding bored. "Probably Ikkaku or something."

Zane stared at him in bewilderment. He knew Kenpachi was like this, but really? That poor child was going to be so fucked up in the head when she grew up...

_'Just never fucking mind.'_ he thought. _'Trying to understand it will just make things worse.'_

He turned his attention back to Soi Fon and Omaeda.

….She was still beating the shit out of him.

And he's unconscious...

_'I don't think she even noticed...' _he thought dully.

"Yo, Soi Fon," he called down. "You know he's unconscious, right?"

She didn't even look at him. "Shut up! I'm not stupid, I'm aware of that!"

"Than why still beat on him? His cries of pain can't be satisfactory." he said slightly sarcastic. Mostly because he wasn't crying out in pain on account of the whole unconscious thing...

"Shut up!" Soi Fon yelled. "He'll feel it when he wakes up, and then I'm going to kill him!"

"Not here you won't." Zane said. "No one dies."

"Just shut the hell up!" Soi Fon yelled, pissed off. "I'll kill him the second I can!"

Zane shrugged. "Whatever. How long you gonna go?"

"For as long as I feel like it!" She screamed.

Zane smirked. He couldn't help it, it sounded wrong!

Actually, the whole picture looked wrong. Soi Fon was on top of Omaeda, basically straddling him, and she was beating him repetitively with a long rubber thing, yelling that she's going to keep going until she doesn't feel like it anymore...

HAHAHAHA!

Oh, the wrongness...

"What's so funny?" Yachiru asked, looking at him curiously.

"ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!" he said. That poor little girl did not need to know what he was thinking.

Kenpachi grinned, a grin that made shivers run down Zane's spine. "He's laughing because it looks like-"

"LIKE CAPTAIN SOI FON AND LIEUTENANT OMAEDA ARE HAVING A GODDAMNED TEA PARTY." Zane cut it.

Yachiru _really_ did not need to know the real reason.

Kenpachi chuckled. "You're wasting your efforts, ya know. Her mind is already about as bad as Ikkaku's."

"No need to make it worse." Zane replied.

Yachiru looked at Soi Fon and Omaeda, her head tilted. Then she broke out into a huge grin and she laughed.

"I get it!" she yelled happily. "It's funny because they look like-"

"LIKE CAPTAIN SOI FON AND LIEUTENANT OMAEDA ARE HAVING A GODDAMNED TEA PARTY." Zane cut it again.

Yachiru pouted. "That's not it, stupid!"

"OH YES IT IS." Zane said.

"But-"

"END OF DISCUSSION, YACHIRU."

* * *

**A/N: HAHA! Poor Yachiru XD**

**Review? Please? It makes me so happy :)**


	23. A Party

**A/N: Thank you to Infernal Blossom, thablueGRRL, BlondeEmo.**

**I. AM. SO. FUCKING. SORRY.**

**I know it's been a long ass time since I updated, and I'm really sorry!**

**The last week of school was incredibly stressful for me, but it's over now, and summer is here!**

**That means I'll have more time to write.**

**School's been out for a week, but I haven't been able to write because I was struck ill with stupid fucking writer's block!**

**So you had all better be pretty damn fucking grateful to my bestie MaxRide14 for giving me an idea and curing my writer's block.**

**This whole chapter was Max's idea. (In case you're fucking retarded, MaxRide14 is the character Max in my story and best friend from Alabama.)**

**It's a pretty long chapter, so BE FUCKING HAPPY DAMMIT.**

* * *

After getting Ukitake and Shunsui safely back to the Black Void, Max and I sat around my house.

"Alright, next we need to find Byakuya and Toshiro." I said. We were sitting in my living room, rocking out to Skillet.

"Yay~!" Max yelled. "Bya-kun!"

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be just thrilled to see you again." I commented with a smile.

Max laughed.

"Now, to find them..." I trailed off, looking up in thought.

Where the fuck were we supposed to find them? It seemed we just found people when it was convenient for us, like wherever we happened to be. But we had no plans for today.

So, what, are they just going to break into my house and be all like "Wassup!" ?

Because that would be admittedly awesome.

I mean, my first reflex would probably be to beat them with a baseball bat since they broke in, but that's besides the point.

My crazy little puppy, Elvis, started barking like crazy then, and ran to the front door.

"Hey, be quiet!" I called, not unkindly.

I went over and peered out the window to see the mailman just walking away. "Hey puppy, who's that?" I said with fake enthusiasm, pointing to Max.

Elvis ran straight for her, wagging his tail, completely forgetting the mailman.

I snuck out the door and retrieved the mail. Let's see...junk, junk, junk, not mine, I don't really give a fuck...hello, what's this?

It was a pretty blue envelope addressed to me and my mom. I recognized the elegant scrawl, but I checked the return address just to be sure. Yup, just who I thought. Misti.

Misti was my mom's best friend's daughter. I didn't know her that well, considering she was a senior while I was a freshman. I opened the envelope and pulled out an invite to her graduation party. Wow, had school really just ended a couple weeks ago? With this whole being thrown into Bleach shit, it seemed like a helluva lot more time had passed.

I quickly scanned it for details. It was one hell of a huge ass party, tomorrow night at 7:00 pm. Wait, did that say formal dress? Aw fuck it, I don't want to go anymore.

Apparently, it was more of a formal party, where everybody dressed up all fancy and shit. And, APPARENTLY, it was one of those parties where everyone wears masks.

Who the hell has that kind of party in 2011?

A note at the bottom caught my eye. _'Bring your friends! The more the merrier!'_

"What's that?" Max asked. I handed the invitation over to her and let her read it.

"We should go!" Max yelled after reading it. "That would be so much fun!"

"But I'd have to wear a dress, and I don't wanna!" I whined.

In case you hadn't noticed, I am NOT, in any way whatsoever, a girly girl. At all.

Ya know, in case you're too fucking stupid to have figured that out from previous chapters.

Max planted her fists on her hips and gave me a look. "Well, I don't care." She said. "I do. It's says bring your friends, and besides you should celebrate your friend's graduation!"

"I barely fucking know her!" I argued.

"It's settled then!" Max said with a bright smile. "We're going!"

Max is the only person who could have won that argument.

* * *

The Next Day...

"Ugh, stupid fucking dresses." I muttered.

It was about 6:40 pm the night of Misti's party. I was in my living room waiting for Max to finish getting ready so we could go.

I was wearing the dress I had gotten yesterday. It was knee length, with the kind of sleeves that were really short and puffy around the shoulders. It was a deep emerald color, and there was nothing really amazing about it. I wore black heels and black lace gloves, and my black hair fell down my back in curls. My mask was also black, and its shape resembled butterfly wings with green markings on them. Against my will, my lips had been painted a bright red.

"Max, hurry the fuck up!" I yelled.

"Calm down, I just finished." Max said, emerging from my bathroom.

Her dress was much more elegant than mine. It was black and floor length, with a low neck and no back. There was a small cut up the side of it, showing part of her leg and black heels. The dress fit her perfectly. She also wore long, white gloves that reached up a little past her elbows. Her long blonde hair was pinned on top of her head, with a few strands coming down to frame her face. Her mask was black as well with silver paint splatters and its shape resembled bird wings. She wore more make up than I did, with deep red lipstick and blush.

"Alright." I sighed. "Let's do this."

Max giggled. "You sound like you're going into battle ready to die."

"Pretty much." I muttered. "Let's go."

And with that, we left my house and started walking to the party.

It took us about 15 minutes to get there, arriving right on time.

The party was being held at a huge ball room type place with a flower garden in back that Misti had rented out.

And _damn_, this place was fucking huge!

It looked like something out of a fairytale. The dance floor was full of couples dancing to the music provided by the live orchestra in the corner. There were tables of food and punch, with ice sculptures for decoration. On the other side of the dance floor, I saw a set of glass double doors leading out to the garden.

We walked in through the huge front doors and I looked up; the ceiling was really high up.

Daaaaaaammmmnn.

"Meridian, I'm so glad you could make it!"

I turned to see a girl with super curly short blonde hair wearing a bright blue dress and yellow mask. A lot of people had worn blue and yellow; those being our high school's colors and the only public high school in town. The one other was a private Catholic school.

"Hey Misti!" I said. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks. Hi, I'm Misti." She said, introducing herself to Max.

"Hiya! I'm Max." She replied with a smile.

"Thanks so much for coming, both of you." Misti said. "Have fun!"

"We will." I assured her. She nodded and went off to talk to some other people who had just arrived.

Everyone had pretty much already arrived. I scanned the crowd, looking for anyone I knew.

I heard Max gasp. "Oh. My. Gosh. Meridian, look!" She said excitedly.

I looked where she was pointing and I could help but burst out laughing, I was so happy. She was pointing at a tall, handsome man with long black hair standing by the orchestra. He wore a fancy black suit and a plain white mask.

And I so totally recognized him right away, even with that fucking mask.

It would be impossible for either one of us not to.

Byakuya fucking Kuchiki.

Wow, did he look hot.

"We have such good fucking luck." I said.

Max nodded. "I'm going to dance with him."

"Go get him girl." I said with an encouraging thumbs up.

She gave me a bright (and somewhat mischievous) smile and took off through the crowd.

* * *

Max easily maneuvered her way through the crowd and within moments she was standing in front of none other than Byakuya Kuchiki.

"You are Byakuya Kuchiki." She said. It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

He was silent a moment. "How do you know my name?" he asked.

Max grinned wildly and lifted her mask, showing him her face.

His cold gray eyes widened a fraction of an inch before they narrowed. "Max." he said. "What do you want?"

"A dance." She said, holding out her hand.

"And why should I dance with you?" he asked.

"Because me and Meridian are the only ones who can get you back home. If you don't dance with me, I'm not taking you back, and Meridian sure as hell won't if I ask her not to." Max smiled again. "So unless you want to spend the rest of your life here with me and Meri-"

He reached out and took her hand, leading her out onto the dance floor and cutting off her sentence. Max laughed.

They found an empty space and he held one of her hands, putting the other on her waist while she put her other hand on his shoulder. The music suggested a simple waltz, and Byakuya led the dance.

He was a really great dancer. They glided across the floor effortlessly, and Max was in pure fan girl bliss.

"You're a great dancer." Max commented. Byakuya said nothing.

She frowned. "You're not going to say anything, are you?"

Silence.

"Will you smile for me?"

More silence.

"How about a laugh?"

A glare this time.

"I'm going to make you say something." Max muttered. Without warning, her hand left his shoulder and shot out to jab his side. You know, in that really sensitive spot right by the kidneys? Yeah, right about there.

Byakuya was really not expecting that. He cringed and let go of her, a giggle escaping his mouth.

Wait. What?

Max stopped dead and stared at him.

Did Byakuya Kuchiki just..._giggle?_

He giggled?

What the fuck?

Max blinked, not understanding what the fuck just happened, while Byakuya's face flushed red.

"Damn woman." he muttered, turning and heading for the doors leading to the garden.

Max burst out laughing her ass off. "Byakuya Kuchiki is...fucking ticklish!" she squealed.

Still laughing, she took off after him.

* * *

I watched Max disappear in the crowd. I looked around the area, not recognizing anyone really.

Until my eyes landed on a certain short person slouching in the corner.

I smiled. Oh, this was too damn perfect.

I headed towards him. I can't believe I didn't see him before. It's not like he really blended into the crowd, really.

He was wearing a fancy white tuxedo with an ice blue tie that matched the blue mask he was wearing.

It wasn't the white tux that caught my eye, or the bright tie and mask, or even his height.

It was his hair.

I only knew one person with tall, spiky, white hair like that.

Toshiro Hitsugaya.

I stopped in front of him. "Hiya Captain." I said.

"Meridian." he said, surprised. "I wasn't expecting to see you, of all people, here."

"Ya know, I could say the same." I replied. "Why the hell are you and Byakuya at a senior graduation party?"

Toshiro sighed. "It's actually a really long, and somewhat painful, story that I'd _really_ rather not talk about."

I laughed. Now I was really curious.

We stood there for a while, watching the dancers. I saw Max and Byakuya glide past, and smiled.

I knew she'd get him to dance with her. I fucking knew it.

I glanced at Toshiro.

"Yo, Captain," I said.

"Hm?"

"...Wanna dance?"

* * *

**A/N: That seems like a good place to stop, don't you agree? *smiles widely***

**Please review! This story already has 95 reviews, which is fucking amazing :)**

**I want to try and get 100 before the next chapter. **

**If you're the 100th reviewer, I'll make you a guest star in one chapter of my story. **

**Except for you, Max. You're already a main character. Sorry, bud.**

**And if Max does happen to be the 100****th**** reviewer, I'll take the 101****th**** reviewer.**

**SO REVIEW!**


	24. Breaking the Fourth Wall

**Thank you to Marshmellowwastolazytologin, Puppypaws4, karin taicho, xlilslayerx and every else who reviewed/favorited :)**

**Infernal Blossom: Your review made me laugh so hard I couldn't breathe. And I completely agree, on both points XD**

**TheOrihimeLuver: HOLY SHIT IS YOUR BROTHER OKAY! ? And damn! I'm glad you love my story so much! I feel kinda bad for being your reason for detention though :/**

**Congratulations to vampire13princess for being the 100th reviewer~!**

**And before I forget, my older brother (not Zane. I called him Nicko in this story) created a fanfic account. He writes mostly Yu-Gi-Oh stuff, and currently has 3 stories. His user name is ****mulk****. Go check him out!**

**And now, on to the story!**

* * *

Zane was sitting on the platform in the Black Void, pretzel style, with his chin in his hand looking painfully bored.

Soi Fon had finally gotten tired of beating Omaeda senseless, so the crowd has dispersed and now he was fucking bored out of his goddamned mind.

AGAIN.

"What the hell is taking them so long?" he muttered. It felt like forever since Ukitake and Shunsui had showed up, and Max and Meridian still hadn't sent back the next two people.

_'They need to hurry the hell up. I can't stand this place too much longer.'_ he thought. He was always so damn bored.

He sighed. He was just about to go and annoy Shinji when he got a really weird feeling. It was kind of like the feeling he got when the gold portal thingy appeared for the next two people, but this was different. It felt unfamiliar and familiar at the same damn time.

Which confused the fuck out of him.

He stood up and looked to see the gold portal shimmering into view. That's what felt familiar.

But then a person he didn't recognize walked out of it. That's what felt unfamiliar.

She was a girl, a couple inches taller than Zane's own 5'4" (about 5'6") with straight black hair reaching right below her shoulders and slanting bangs and green eyes. She wore black skinny jeans and black flats, along with a white tank top and a pink jacket. Her eyes were lit up with excitement, and she had a huge smile on her face.

Zane blinked. "Who the _hell_ are you?"

"I'm Erika!" she yelled, running over and trapping Zane in a death hug, making it hard to breathe. "You're Zane, right? It's so nice to meet you!"

"Why the hell are you here?" Zane choked out, trying to squirm out of her hug.

And it wasn't working!

"Because, I was the 100th reviewer for the story and the author said I could be in it!" Erika said, letting go of him and taking a step back so he could breathe.

"Dude!" Zane yelled, gulping in deep breathes of air.

"What?" Erika said, blinking her eyes and tilting her head in confusion.

"You just broke the fourth wall! What the hell?" Zane yelled at her.

Erika grinned and laughed loudly.

_'And somewhat crazily,'_ Zane thought.

"Does that bother you?" Erika said.

"Yeah! Very much so!" Zane said, crossing his arms in front of him.

Erika laughed again. Then she turned toward the imaginary audience and waved her arms around. "Hey readers!" she yelled. "Don't forget to review the story!"

Zane smacked her upside the head. "Stop breaking the fourth wall, dammit!"

"OW! SHNITZE BUNNIES THAT HURT!" Erika yelled, holding her head.

Zane stared at her. "Shnitze bunnies? What the hell does that mean?"

"I don't like to cuss, so I make up my own words!" Erika replied. She grabbed Zane's hand and dragged him to the staircase. "Come on! I want to go see people!"

Zane sighed. "Who do you want to see?"

"Everyone! But mostly Stark, Szayel Aporro, Ukitake, Kyoraku, Hisagi, and Kira!" Erika replied.

Zane scratched the back of his head. "Hisagi's not here."

Erika stopped dead in her tracks, Zane running into her back. "DARN RABBITS!" she screamed. Then she continued on her way.

Zane let Erika drag him around (for whatever fucking reason) until she abruptly stopped again. He heard her gasp, and peeked around her shoulder to see why.

For some reason that Zane would never understand, all the people she mentioned before (except Hisagi) were all standing in a loose circle, talking to each other.

"Why the fuck would those people be talking to each other?" he wondered aloud. The Soul Reapers talking to each other he could understand, but with the Espada? That...didn't make a shitpot's worth of sense at all.

"I DON'T CARE WHY!" Erika screamed happily. She let go of Zane and flew towards them, glomping the closest person to her.

Which just happened to be Stark.

Who was in the middle of talking.

"Then I was like- what the hell? !" Stark exclaimed, seeing the girl clutching on to him for dear life with a crazed expression on her face.

"HOLY CUCUMBER ON A MOTORCYCLE! STARK!" she screamed.

Stark stared at her, as did the rest of the people in the little group. "And you are...?"

"Erika!" She squealed, hugging him tighter.

"...Why are you attached to me?"

"BECAUSE! YOU'RE MAJORLY SMEXY!"

Stark blinked. "Um...thank you?"

"YOU'RE WELCOME!" Erika said loudly, smiling brightly.

Zane walked up to them, standing in the circle next to Kira. Kira looked at him. "Why is she here?"

Zane sighed. "Can't say. I'd have to break the fourth wall."

Kira gave him a questioning look, and Erika decided to explain for him. "Because I was the 100th reviewer for the story so the author said I could be in it!"

"Dammit Erika, shut the hell up!" Zane yelled, his temple throbbing. "And quite breaking the damn fourth wall!"

Erika laughed crazily, then detached herself from Stark and glomped Szayel Aporro instead.

"Dammit, you annoying little brat!" Szayel yelled. "You're going to mess up my hair!"

"Would that bother you?" Erika asked.

"YES."

So Erika reached a hand up to his head and ruffled his hair, messing it up.

"My hair!" Szayel cried while Erika laughed.

Zane quirked an eyebrow. "I thought you were supposed to be the mad scientist, not the pretty boy. That's Yumichika."

Szayel glared at him. "Just because I'm a mad scientist doesn't mean I don't care about how I look! I left in the middle of a battle to change my clothes because they were dirty for god's sake!"

Zane laughed. "Wow. You're a pathetic excuse of a man."

Erika detached herself from Szayel then, and went to glomp the rest of the people in the little circle.

With mixed results.

Shunsui looked pretty damn happy to be hugged by a pretty young girl, Ukitake actually hugged her back and gave her a lollipop, and Kira just kinda stood there, looking awkward and emo. As usual.

"Are you done here?" Zane asked impatiently, arms crossed and his foot tapping.

Erika stuck her tongue out at him. "For now! But now there's a couple more people I have to see!"

"Who?" Zane asked.

"Nnoitra, Barragan, Yammy, Zommari, and Aaroniero." she listed off. Then she grabbed his arm and dragged him around until she found her first victim.

Nnoitra.

She ran up to him with a glare on her face. "I DON'T LIKE YOU!" she screamed, kicking him in the nuts.

Nnoitra doubled over in pain, cussing her out.

Erika simply laughed and repeated the process with Barragan, Yammy, Zommari, and Aaroniero.

Zane was shocked shitless when she actually hit Yammy in the designated area. He thought for sure that she would miss and he would go ape shit on her.

Zane was surprised she was getting away with any of this shit she was pulling.

Then again, he was in charge, so it was his own fault she was getting away with it.

He sighed. Right.

Along the way, Erika would randomly hug anyone she saw that she liked (which was basically everyone except the people she kicked) and their reactions were pretty funny.

Especially the Head Captain's.

The complete look of WTF on his face when she hugged him was fucking hilarious.

When she hugged Aizen, he screamed something along the lines of "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH A FUCKING IMMORTAL GOD LIKE ME! I WILL CHOP YOU TO PIECES AND FEED YOU TO MY PET SHARKS!"

_'Psh, as if he had pet sharks!'_ Zane thought. _'He could never tame one!'_

Then he looked at Tia, and realized Aizen actually _could_ tame a shark.

And his eyes stayed on Tia, much longer than necessary.

Before Erika pulled him off in another direction, away from Tia.

_'Awwww.'_

After Erika had literally hugged every person there (excluding the people she didn't like), Zane found himself sitting on the platform again, Erika sprawled out on the ground next to him.

"THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!" Erika giggled.

Zane rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you had fun." he said apathetically.

Erika sat up and looked at him. "Ya know what your sister is probably doing right now?"

"What?"

"Dancing with Toshiro!"

Zane looked at her, raising an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because, last chapter they were at a party and Max got her dance with Byakuya, who is ticklish, and Meridian asked Toshiro to dance and I bet he says yes!" Erika said.

"ERIKA." Zane said, temple throbbing.

"What?"

"STOP. BREAKING. THE. DAMN. FOURTH. WALL."

Erika just laughed.

* * *

**A/N: Yay, I got it done!**

**Vampire13princess: Congratulations and thank you again so much for being the 100th reviewer! I really hope I got your character right. **

**So, this is posted a day later than I wanted, but hey, I got effing distracted!**

**Mostly from reading the Fruits Basket manga, which I am absolutely in love with~!**

**I love Hatsuharu :D Especially when he goes black XD**

**And my brother got Soul Calibur 4, which distracted me even more. **

**So yeah! I'm already working on the next chapter, and if I'm really lucky I'll have it done by Monday. **

**Because, ya know, I get distracted so easily and I have a procrastination problem...**

**Anyway, just review, will ya?**

**It makes me happy :)**


	25. Expect the Unexpected

**A/N: Thank you to LoveIsThePainInside, marshmellowtime, vampire13princess, and Jazzcat1231, Hell'sAngel'sQueen, redsnow4, Girl With The Wolves, and xXxbreezyannxXx. You guys rock~!**

**So, I feel like an apology should just be regular thing now in my author notes.**

**I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG.**

**Shit happens, okay?**

**Alright, so my bestie MaxRide14 wrote a new story called "The End Of The Soul Society" and you should all go check it out~! Max, Meridian, and Zane are the main characters, but that story line has absolutely nothing to do with this one.**

**AND DON'T YELL AT HER FOR USING THOSE CHARACTERS BECAUSE I GAVE HER PERMISSION TO USE THOSE CHARACTERS ALL SHE WANTS. SO NI~!**

**The story is amazing and I really think y'all should go read it!**

**But, since you're here anyway, read this and enjoy~!**

* * *

Toshiro stared at me with a mild WTF look.

I laughed and grabbed his arm, dragging him out on the dance floor. "Come on! Don't tell me you don't know how?"

I knew how to dance formally. Thank you gym class!

"Of course I know how!" He snapped. "It was just such a random question, I wasn't expecting it."

"Always expect the unexpected." I said with a smile.

"But doesn't that make the unexpected, expected?" He countered.

"Of course not! The unexpected will always remain the unexpected until you expect it, in which case it becomes the expected unexpected. But it's still unexpected. Now you're just expecting it." I replied like it was the most obvious answer ever.

Toshiro just stared. "Ya know, I haven't been this confused since Rangiku tried to explain to me why Momo suddenly gets very pissy and moody once a month."

I stared at him, not quite sure how to react to _that_. Didn't he know...?

We assumed the position (no, not THAT position, you sickos. The dancing position) while I tried to figure out how to phrase my question right.

"You _do_ understand what a girl's period is, right?" I asked hesitantly as we started dancing.

I honestly don't think I should have asked.

I thought I saw his face turn a little red underneath his mask as he looked away from me. "...Not entirely, no." he mumbled.

Wow. This just got really awkward, really fast.

My mouth flopped open. "B-b-b-but...how! ?" I stammered. "You're an effing Captain, no one bothered to explain this to you! ? NO ONE! ?"

His face turned even redder and he refused to look me in the eye, instead staring at his feet. "Everyone assumed I already knew." he said. "But I don't. When Rangiku heard this, she freaked out and started trying to explain. But she did a horrible job, and I was just even more confused."

I stared at him, mouth open, eyes wide, face red. I had no problem explaining this to Zane, but to Toshiro? He wasn't my little brother, this would just be awkward!

I finally regained my composure and took a deep breath. "Toshiro, you do know that this is something you will eventually need to know, right? Which means either I can explain it now, or Captain Kyoraku can explain it just as well, _among other 'things'_, when you get back to the Black Void."

Toshiro looked as uncomfortable as I felt. Damn you, universe! Damn you!

"I'd rather you do it, as that would be less painful." he muttered.

"Don't say it like that!" I hissed as _'that's what she said'_ popped into my head.

"Why?" he asked, confused.

"Because that was a perfect _'that's what she said'_ moment, and that's so not helping the situation!" I explained.

"That's what she said? I don't get it."

"FUCK."

* * *

Max ran through the glass double doors leading to the garden. She took a deep breath to calm herself, still red from laughing so hard.

It was such a shock to hear BYAKUYA KUCHIKI giggle.

Like the Damn-I-Think-Hell-Just-Froze-Over kind of shock.

Max stopped in the middle of the garden, searching for him. It was a beautiful summer night; there was a gentle breeze blowing, a full moon, and no clouds to block out the stars. She wasn't alone in the garden, either. There were plenty of people out enjoying a romantic night under the stars, surrounded by the beautiful flowers.

She started walking, following the path through said flowers. She passed several couples, usually going in the opposite direction, but no sign of Byakuya.

The path was twisted, and it branched out in several places. Max always took the path with the less amount of people on it; she was looking for Byakuya, and she doubted he would be in a place with lots of people right now.

"Jeez, how big is this garden?" she mumbled. "It's like a freaking jungle."

Eventually, she found him. The path opened up into a clearing with a small pond, the still water reflecting the moon. Byakuya sat on the path beside, on a random ass bench, staring up at the moon.

"Byakuya!" Max said with a smile. "Finally! I thought I'd never find you."

He tore his eyes away from the moon to shoot her an icy glare.

Which she ignored. Completely.

She skipped over to sit next to him, and he abruptly stood up, ready to leave. Max pouted. "Aw, come on, was it really that big of a deal? I poked you and you giggled, so what?"

Byakuya sent her another glare.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay, look. Since I apparently offended you that much, I'm sorry. I'll even let you do something to me as payback, alright?"

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. Why the hell did she say that? Byakuya could Senbonzakura her ass! OR WORSE.

Byakuya's gaze went back to the moon. "I accept your apology." he said.

"Good." Max nodded, hiding the fact that she was damn terrified of his stupid Zanpakuto.

He looked back at her, and Max noticed that this time, he didn't glare. He started to leave, and as he passed her he stopped.

And the next thing he did made Max's heart stop beating and her breath catch in her throat, sending shivers down her spine.

He leaned down and kissed her.

It was very quick, but gentle, and she didn't even have time to respond to it before he was done.

Her face heated up, turning a bright scarlet. "Y-you, I, but...h-huh?" was all she could stammer out.

Byakuya smirked a little. "Now we have both had embarrassing reactions to unexpected actions tonight."

And with that he walked away.

Max stared after him, her eyes wide and her heart pounding furiously.

She was so shocked she couldn't even form a complete thought in her head.

But, damn was she happy.

* * *

Toshiro held my back in a low dip, ending the song we were dancing to.

I stood back up and looked at Toshiro. His expression was pretty damn funny.

It was a cross of disgust, mental scarring, and that look you get when you learn something new and understand it. Like the Ah-I-Get-It-Now type of look.

For the last 5 dances, I had been explaining things to this poor boy that I never thought I would have to explain. And it was fucking awkward. To say the least.

"You understand now?" I said.

He quickly shook his head. "Yes! Please, don't say anything more on the subject. I'm begging you."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, trust me. I wouldn't have even if you tied me up and tortured me."

We both walked off the dance floor, having quite enough of that. We walked towards the refreshments.

I was fucking thirsty

I filled a cup with the punch and offered it to Toshiro, who took it with a quick "Thanks" before filling one up for me.

I downed the contents of my cup in 10 seconds flat, while Toshiro just took a small swig.

Which he immediately spat back out.

I raised an eyebrow. "What the hell, man?"

He sniffed the liquid in his cup, and his eyes widened a bit. "Meridian, this punch is spiked! There's alcohol in it!"

"That's what spiked means, Captain Obvious." I replied, ruffling his hair.

He smacked my hand away angrily. "Did you know this was spiked before you drank it?" he demanded.

I shrugged. "Nope." Then I refilled my cup and took another swig.

What? I was thirsty, dammit!

"Meridian!" He yelled.

"What?" I yelled back.

"Don't drink this, you're underage!" he yelled back.

"So is everyone at this party! Except you and Byakuya, and you don't look old enough so it doesn't count." I replied, drinking some more of the spiked punch.

Honestly, I knew I shouldn't drink it. I'd never liked drunks, but here I was, drinking at a party.

How hypocritical of me.

But I was already starting to feel what I assumed to be the affects of the alcohol. I had never been drunk before in my life, so this was a completely new experience for me.

Hell, I'd never even held any alcohol.

"Eh, just loosed up a bit!" I said with a giggle.

Toshiro sent me a glare, and I laughed some more. "Okay, okay, I'm putting the punch down. See?" I said as I set the cup down on the table and took a big step away.

I'd already had about 3 cups during out conversation, so I was a little buzzed at the moment.

"Oh!" I yelled suddenly. "I should find Max! I wonder how she's doing?"

"I saw her walk out into the garden as we were dancing." Toshiro said.

"Come on then! Let's go find her!" I yelled, grabbing Toshiro and dragging him along with me as I ran out to the garden.

"Why do need me?" he yelled.

I laughed. "I don't! I just figured you would get pissed if I forced you along, which is why I am!"

Toshiro's temple throbbed, and I laughed.

* * *

Max walked slowly along the path back towards the party. She was still in complete shock.

This shock was worse than when he giggled.

He effing kissed her!

Not that she was complaining or anything, but damn it was unexpected!

As she turned another corner, she heard familiar voices right before Meridian appeared and tackled her with a glomp.

"Hi Max-chaan~!" she said with a giggle.

Max noticed Meridian's face was a little red, and she continued to giggle.

She looked to see Toshiro standing there as well, looking annoyed as hell.

Max raised an eyebrow. "How much sugar did you let her have?"

Toshiro's temple throbbed. "I didn't! She drank the punch!"

"And...?"

"The punch is spiked."

"As in with alcohol?"

"No, with unicorns and glitter. Yes with alcohol!" Toshiro snapped.

Max giggled. "How much did she have?"

Toshiro sighed. "About 3 cups. But she's not completely wasted, just buzzed."

Meridian nodded enthusiastically. "Yup! But I'm sober enough to know that I'm buzzed and that I should most definitely not drive!"

Then she turned to the imaginary audience and yelled, "DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE. EVAH! EVEN IF YOU'RE JUST BUZZED!"

Max sweat dropped. "Way to break the fourth wall," she muttered.

Meridian smiled widely and laughed. "Don't worry, I have a feeling it's not the first time it's happened in this story!"

"You think Zane broke it too?" Max asked.

But Meridian shook her head, her hair flying around. "Noooo~! But someone in the Black Void did, I just know it!"

"How?"

"BECAUSE I'M FUCKING PSYCHIC."

Cue another sweat drop. "No, you aren't."

"I AM NOW, DAMMIT."

* * *

**A/N: I would just like to say that, for the record, I never have and never will consume any alcohol. Especially not enough to get drunk or even buzzed. I wrote that part purely for comic purposes, so DON'T DRINK. IT'S BAD.**

**Haha, and that scene at the beginning with Meridian and Toshiro? Ha, so I did not plan for it to be that awkward. I just sat down and starting typing, and **_**that's**_** what came out. Which makes me worry about my mental well-being, but then again I did that before too, so...*shrug***

**MaxRide14: You. Are. So. Welcome. I did that just for you. You may now bow down to my epic awesomeness ^.^**

**PLEASE REVIEW~! I'LL GET THE NEXT CHAPTER UP FASTER IF I HAVE MORE REVIEWS!**

**...MAYBE! (stupid fucking procrastination issues...)**


	26. Poker Face and A Bet

**A/N: Thank you to Shon-Kun1301, redsnow4, and myviolaismylife27.**

**Once again, I have to apologize. Max came to visit last week, and she just HAD to go and distract me with two new animes, both of which I can't stop watching...**

**Thanks, Max -.-**

**So, I'm really curious. How many people actually read my stupid author's notes? If you do, comment to let me know. **

**And, in case you hadn't noticed, I switched my user name to Mistress Nightray. That was for personal reasons, and eventually, I'll switch it back. Maybe. I like this name^^ (My user name is Pandora Hearts related, though I doubt anyone here reads or watches it. Just saying~)**

**NOW READ THIS CHAPPY THAT IS WAY TOO OVERDUE!**

* * *

Zane sat cross legged on the ground, his eyes scanning the group around him, his face blank.

Why was he like this?

Because he was playing Texas Hold 'em poker.

And he had one hell of a hand. A straight flush. There was no way, _no way in hell,_ he was going to lose this time.

"Alright, show your hands." Izuru said, revealing a 3 of a kind.

Ichigo swore loudly and threw his cards down, having only a pair of Jacks. Chad said nothing, showing a pair of Jacks and a pair of 5s. Zane smirked and calmly showed his straight flush, saying, "Read it and weep, bitches."

Ichigo swore again, Chad just grunted, and Izuru widened his eyes with an exclamation of "No way!"

"My my, that is impressive." Shunsui said, tipping his hat back.

"Damn straight it is." Zane replied, pretty smug. He thought he had every reason to be smug, after all, he was finally going to beat Shunsui at a game of poker!

Shunsui just smiled and showed his hand. Zane's eyes widened. "Aw hell!"

A Royal Flush.

An effing. Royal. Flush.

God. DAMMIT.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Zane yelled angrily. Shunsui just chuckled. And his ever so calm and not really bragging way of chuckling totally pissed Zane off.

"Wow Captain Kyoraku," Izuru said. "That's the fifth game you've won!"

Zane's temple throbbed. "Damn cheater." he grumbled.

Five games. Five freakin' games of poker, and Shunsui had beat him. Every. Single. Damn. Time. It was seriously staring to piss him off!

If you asked people, they would say Zane wasn't a sore loser. He was pretty cool about it. But if you asked Meridian, she'd tell you otherwise. Because, in all honesty, Zane _was_ a sore loser. He just sometimes refused to admit it, so he didn't act like it. Usually, Zane saved his pathetic sore loser-ness for games with his family, because they all knew he hated losing.

But right now, Zane was too mad to care. He wanted to win just one fucking game!

"One more game!" Zane yelled, his temple still throbbing. "I will not admit to defeat! I WILL BEAT YOU, SHUNSUI KYORAKU, IF IT IS THE LAST. FUCKING. THING. I. DO!"

Shunsui chuckled again, and Zane clenched his hands into fists. Ooooh, that was annoying him.

"Alright, sounds like fun. Anyone object?" Shunsui asked. No one did, so Izuru started dealing out the cards that Erika had given Zane once again.

Apparently, she wanted to help relieve his boredom a bit.

-FLASH BACK-

_The shimmering gold portal came into view, and Erika looked a bit sad. _

_Zane raised an eyebrow. "Time for you to go?" he asked._

_Erika nodded. "Yup." She then glomped him._

"_I'MMA MISS YOU!" She cried._

"_Yeah, and I miss oxygen! Erika!" Zane yelled, trying to get out of her death grip of a hug. _

_Although that was nothing compared to Max's hugs._

_Erika laughed and let go, allowing Zane to breathe. _

"_OH!" she exclaimed. "I have something for you!" _

_Zane eye her wearily. "...What?"_

_She reached into the pocket of her pink jacket and pulled out a deck of cards. "Here! Maybe you won't be as bored with these!" She said happily._

_Zane took the deck of cards, looking at the design on the back. The cards were black and purple checkerboard, with a white rabbit. "Thanks." he said with a smile._

"_You're welcome!" Erika said, grinning widely. "But now, I must leave. GOOD BYE EVERYONE!" she screamed from atop the platform._

_Zane was surprised when everyone in the Black Void chorused back, "GOOD BYE, ERIKA!"_

_She gave Zane one last quick hug for the hell of it and disappeared through the shimmering gold portal. Thingy._

-END FLASH BACK-

_'Yeah. Great Present.'_ Zane thought sarcastically. _'So far, all it's managed to do is severely piss me off!'_

He then had to briefly wonder if that was her true intention.

Not caring to think about it, he picked up the cards Izuru had dealt him.

And almost fucking screamed.

A crap hand! Of course, _of fucking course,_ he had a crap hand!

GRR.

He kept his face calm, though. Playing poker back home with Meridian, Nicko and his dad had taught him quite a bit. Even though he never seemed to freakin' win, he was actually pretty good.

Of course, no one here fucking believed him. Because he kept losing to Shunsui!

Once again, his gaze casually scanned the group around him. Next to him, Shunsui had the best poker face. Unlike Zane's blank expression, Shunsui kept a lazy smile and a carefree look on his face.

But it never wavered. Ever.

Chad had a great poker face too, but Zane could tell by the slight furrowing of his brows when he had a bad hand, or the slight widening of his eyes when he had a good one.

Ichigo was absolutely terrible at poker, amusing as it was. He got angry too quickly, for one thing, so everyone always knew when he had a bad hand. Which was most of the time, for some hilarious reason. And when he finally did get a good hand, he made it way too obvious.

And then there was Izuru. Zane could never tell what that blonde emo was thinking, and he usually had a look of what was probably supposed to be concentration on his face. It looked more like worry, or indigestion. Zane couldn't tell which.

The blonde emo was also pretty easy to read, although not as easy as Ichigo.

Zane had considered Shunsui his only real opponent from the start. And what an opponent he was...

"FUCK! I QUIT!" Ichigo's loud scream pulled Zane from his thoughts back to the game at hand.

He smirked. "Bad hand, _again_, Strawberry?"

Ichigo growled. "You rigged it, didn't you?"

Zane feigned innocence. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Zane didn't actually rig it, but letting Ichigo think he did was way too much fun.

Ichigo's temple throbbed. "You little shit!"

Zane laughed. "Calm down Strawberry, I didn't rig it. How could I? Izuru is the one dealing." Zane pointed out, knowing where this was going.

Ichigo rounded on Izuru, looking majorly pissed off, and Izuru paled.

"You bastard! You rigged it on me, didn't you?" he yelled.

"No!" Izuru shouted back. "Why would I do that?"

"Because everyone, including you, enjoys seeing Ichigo pissed off." Chad said calmly.

Ichigo looked at Chad. "What?"

"It's true, Ichigo-kun." Shunsui said with a shrug. "When you're mad, everyone gets a good laugh."

"Don't call me Ichigo-kun!" Ichigo roared, temple throbbing.

Everyone laughed.

"See?" Zane said calmly. "You're hilarious when you're mad."

Ichigo's temple throbbed, his eye twitching violently. He took a deep breath to calm himself, then said, "Fine. Then I just won't get mad anymore."

Everyone laughed hysterically at that.

"What?" Ichigo demanded.

"We all know you can't do that!" Rukia said. A group of people had formed around them to watch the game, Rukia among them.

"Yes I can!" Ichigo protested.

"Nope." Zane said. "You can't."

"Wanna bet?" Ichigo growled.

Zane smirked evilly. "Hell yeah I do."

"If I can last until Renji gets back from your world, I get to be in charge until this is all over." Ichigo said.

"Alright." Zane said. "But if I win, you're my bitch until this is all over."

Ichigo's temple throbbed, but surprisingly he didn't yell or scream or pitch a mega bitch fit. "Deal." he said through clenched teeth, holding his hand out.

Zane smirked. "Deal."

The two shook hands, sealing the deal.

* * *

**A/N: And there you have it!**

**Ha, the next Zane chapter is going to be fun to write~**

**So please review! AND I'M GONNA TRY REALLY, REALLY, HARD TO GET THE NEXT CHAPTER UP SOON!**


	27. Party Time's Over

**A/N: Thank you to Marshmellowtime, MyRealNameIsHiding, Skullex, MaxRide14, xlilslayerx, vampire13princess, StelzaRinator, Oshii-Rose, EternalKryptess and redsnow4.**

**Yay~! This chapter isn't ridiculously overdue! I feel so proud :)**

**Unfortunately, I must still apologize. Updates may not be as often anymore. I'm not giving up on the story or anything, it's just that I finally decided to post a story on my Fiction Press account, so now I get to try and write 2 stories. At once. And I'm terrible at multitasking -.- Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with me, but whatever.**

**If you want to check out my Fiction Press story (AND YOU TOTALLY SHOULD) the link to my FP account is on my profile. **

**MaxRide14: Yay for Sebas-chan~! I love him :) And actually, I let Zane choose who he wanted to play poker with. HE chose Shunsui o.e And I wuv yew too~**

**redsnow4: Lolz :D**

**StelzaRinator: Your review made laugh, so thanks for that :) And no, I have no intention of any pairings in the story. That kiss was just for the hell of it :D**

**And to anybody else who was wondering and didn't read the above: No, there will be no pairings in the story. Max and Byakuya will not have a romantic relationship. Sorry, Max**.

**So read, review, and enjoy!**

* * *

"Meridian, come here." Max said, beckoning me toward her.

I skipped over to her happily. We were standing outside, just about to leave the party. "Yeees~?"

She pulled a random bottle out of a purse I didn't know she had and sprayed whatever it was directly at my face.

It smelled like strawberries.

I blinked. "What's that?"

"Perfume." Max said calmly.

I gagged.

She smiled and punched my shoulder. "It's so your crazy mom doesn't smell any alcohol on you."

"Oh." That would be a good thing. If she knew I'd had any alcohol, she would go postal on my ass.

"Hey, where's Toshiro?" I asked, looking around.

Max faceplamed and I heard what sounded like someone irritably clearing their throat behind me. I spun around (a little too quickly, and everything started spinning) to see Toshiro standing _right there._

"Woah man," I said. "When the hell did you get there?"

Max started laughing, and Toshiro's temple throbbed but he calmly replied with, "I've been standing here for the last 20 minutes. I was here when you asked 10 minutes ago, and I'll still be here when you inevitably ask again in another 10 minutes."

I giggled and poked his head. "You're short."

"I AM NOT SHORT, DAMMIT!" he screamed.

I heard Max sigh. Had I already called Toshiro short tonight? Because he almost looked like he was expecting it...

"Yeah Meridian, you have. Like, 5 times." Max said.

"Dude!" I yelled, whipping around to face her. "You can read minds? Why didn't you tell me!"

Toshiro sweat dropped, and Max laughed. "You were thinking out loud. Again."

"Oh. HEY LOOK A BUTTERFLY!" A pretty butterfly flew past me and I got totally distracted. My attention span is short enough when I'm sober, so being buzzed didn't help. At all.

"BUTTERFLY~!" Max said.

We were both easily distracted.

We stood there watching it, our heads following its exact path.

Toshiro facepalmed.

Byakuya was standing off to the side, completely ignoring us and the strange looks he was getting from people as they passed us.

Yes, Byakuya was the one getting the weird stares. Not me or Max, who were completely engrossed by a single little butterfly, or Toshiro, the short kid with the weird white hair.

Byakuya.

Because we had found his object (a rose), so he was standing there glowing. He looked pretty bad ass like that, though. Standing there all awesome-like with the rose in his jacket pocket, glowing like a frickin' god or something.

I suddenly thought of something and dashed back inside the building, almost tripping several times because of those damn heels.

"Meridian, where are you going?" I heard Max shout.

"This way!" I called back.

"Well no duh, Captain Obvious!" Max yelled.

I laughed, but didn't stop.

Inside, it was pretty empty. Most everyone had either already left or were outside enjoying the nice summer air. The only people in there was a crew taking down the decorations.

I raced over to the last standing refreshments table and scooped up one of the half-melted ice sculptures. It was the smallest one I saw, a swan.

"Hey, you can't just take that!" Some guy yelled. I turned and saw him running towards me, looking slightly mad.

Aw, damn. I stuck out my lower lip, giving my best puppy dog eyes. "I-I'm sorry, Sir." I said in my sweet voice I usually only used on my Daddy.

The voice that could get him to do anything, because I'm his sweet little girl.

"I-I was just going to bring this to my Mommy. She loves swans, and she's really sick. I thought maybe this would cheer her up and she might get better sooner that way." I sniffed for effect.

Hey, I may be buzzed and totally out of it, but I could still play the pity card perfectly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Miss. Please take it." the guy said, tears welling in his own eyes.

I smiled brightly. "Thank you!"

And then I ran like the fucking wind. As I was leaving, I passed Misti and I stopped.

"Misti!" I said. "If you hear from someone other than me that my mom is sick, it's a lie, okay? And can I have this?" I held up the swan

"Okay. Go for it, I don't want it." she replied.

"Thanks Misti~" I said, running back to Max, Byakuya and Toshiro.

"Hey, look what I got!" I yelled, holding up the swan.

They all looked at me in slight confusion, and I tripped. The swan flew out of my hands and Max dove to catch it before it could hit the ground, and I screamed as I fell directly on top of Toshiro.

We landed on the ground painfully, and I groaned. I pushed myself into a sitting position and rubbed me head. "Oh damn, that hurt."

"Yeah, it did, now get the hell off me!" Toshiro growled from underneath me.

I hadn't realized it until he said something, but I didn't move off him before sitting up. So, now it was awkward. Again.

Toshiro was laying on his back, his face scarlet, arms pinned to his side because of my legs. I was sitting on top of him, basically straddling him.

I started giggling uncontrollably. "Damn, Shiro-chan," I said. "Tonight's been one hell of an awkward night, eh?"

Max was roaring with laughter, but didn't attempt to help poor little Toshiro.

He somehow managed to wiggle his arms free, though, and he roughly pushed me off him. I tumbled to the side with a yelp, my arms flailing. "Ow, Shiro-chan~," I whined. "That hurt!"

Toshiro stood up, brushing the invisible dust off his tux. "Then you should have gotten off by yourself." he grumbled.

I stood up and stumbled a bit, still a little out of it. "Hey Max-chan, give the sculpture to Shiro-chan, m'kay?"

"Kay," she replied, thrusting the little swan at him. He took it a bit hesitantly, but then he started glowing.

I threw my hands in the air. "Yay~!" I cheered.

"Woo~!" Max joined me.

Toshiro just sweatdropped.

* * *

"Bye Shiro-chan, bye Bya-kun!" Max and I whisper-yelled, waving our arms wildly in good bye.

We were back at my house, and Toshiro and Byakuya were just leaving for the Black Void. We had to whisper-yell because my whole house was asleep, and I did NOT want anyone waking up. For multiple reasons. Neither of them acknowledged our good byes, and just disappeared through their respective mirrors.

Tch, bastards.

After they disappeared, Max turned and whispered something in my ear.

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped.

"BYAKUYA DID WHAT! ?"

* * *

In the morning, I woke up to a nasty taste in my mouth and an even nastier headache.

"Oh, _shit_," I mumbled, burying my face in my nice, soft pillow.

Max bounded into my room then. "Morning sleepy head~" she practically sang.

I groaned. "Why the hell are you so chipper? And why are you up so early?"

Max laughed. "Early? It's like 4 in the afternoon." she said.

I raised my head a couple inches to see my clock. 4:07 pm. Well damn.

"Like I said, early." I mumbled, dropping my head back on my pillow.

"Hungover?" Max asked.

"Little bit, yeah." I replied.

Max laughed. Grabbing her pillow, she smacked the back of my head. "Come on, get your lazy butt out of bed. I've already found the next two people, Renji and Shuhei."

I could hear the grin in her voice.

"Oh, did you now." I said apathetically.

Hell, I didn't give a shit, I was hungover. I wanted to sleep.

"YES! Now get up!" Max growled, dragging me off my bed by my feet.

"NO!" I cried, clinging to my headboard for dear life. "Leave me aloooooone!"

"NEVER!" Max screamed and, with one final tug, pulled me out of my nice warm bed onto the cold hard ground below.

"I hate you." I muttered to the floor, where my face currently was.

"Love you too~!"

* * *

**A/N: Well that was fun :)**

**MaxRide14: You remember that story I told you about, the romance one about the Princess running away and being separated from her love? Yeah, **_**that's**_** the one I posted on Fiction Press.**

**So for now, review and make me happy :D**

**And for any fellow AMERICANS out there, HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!**


	28. Zane's Epic Plan

**A/N: Thank you to Skullex, MaxRide14, StelzaRinator, Jazzcat1231, redsnow4, Marshmellowtime, Emoemu-san, KryptessEternal, umbreon241, Victorie Evans, winkz, RockerGirlAnime314, anniekins11, morganclaire1, and DragonMaster94.**

**HEY, GOOD NEWS! I'M NOT FRICKIN' DEAD! I am just really lazy, easily distracted, and completely unmotivated :/**

**Okay, so I can't even begin to say how sorry I am that this took so long. I just started feeling really bored with the story, and I never wanted to write it. BUT BEFORE YOU FREAK OUT, READ THIS:**

**I, vanillatwilight132941, promise to always finish a story that I have started. I will never go on hiatus, and no matter how long it takes, I will finish the story.**

**See that? Copy and pasted directly from my profile. If this happens again (though I pray it won't) don't give up on the story because I refuse to abandon it, dammit!**

**Well, now that I'm finally here, I have a few things I want to say before you read. First off, my friend DragonMaster94 recently got a fanfic account and I recommend you all check out his stories. He is an amazing writer :)**

**Secondly, I created a Facebook account under the name "Meridian Jaegerjaquez". I'm going to use it to keep people up to date on how my story progress is and why it's taking so long or if I have writer's block or some shit. So if you have Facebook, add me as a friend! And I promise I'm not some creeper who wants to stalk you or something. I just think it would be helpful to have your guys' input on stuff when I'm stuck, or if you have a suggestion or something. I always take ideas into consideration, hell I've used several of Max's. Anyway, I'm fucking stupid and don't know how to get a proper link to it, so just search me. I'm the only one on Facebook with that name :)**

**Let's see, there was something else...Oh! So, this chapter is officially the longest I have ever written. Ever. I shit you not, it's +5,000 words. I've seen chapters 3 times that length before, but for me this is one hell of an accomplishment :D**

**Oh yeah, there might be a tiny bit of OOC in the chapter, and I want to apologize to any Ichigo fangirls beforehand. You may not love this chapter as much as I do, seeing as I absolutely despise that damn ginger.**

**Well, that's it for now (I think). SO PLEASE READ, REVIEW AND ENJOY THIS CHAPPIE!**

* * *

"Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Poke. Po-"

"Would you please stop?" Ichigo said in an obviously forced happy voice.

Zane grinned widely. "Nah, I don't feel like it." he replied.

He continued to poke Ichigo. He was hellbent on winning this bet, no matter what kind of cheap stunts he had to pull to do it.

He would resort to the lowest of lows if it meant winning.

Ichigo, apparently, was just as determined as Zane was. Not that he could blame the poor guy, he wouldn't want to be someone's bitch either. But his almost nonexistent sympathy for Ichigo wasn't going to change a thing. He was going to win. End of story.

Ichigo took several deep breaths and closed his eyes, trying to stay calm.

Ha, he was screwed. Zane hadn't even been doing this for 15 minutes, and already he was having trouble controlling his anger.

And Zane was just getting started.

He used both hands to poke him now, and instead of saying "Poke" he switched to "Bother".

Oh yeah. He was going Potter Puppet Pals on Ichigo's sorry orange ass.

Ichigo stood up and walked away from him quickly, and Zane got up and followed him. "Hey Strawberry, guess what?" he said.

"What."

"Your face! God dammit!" Zane yelled, before bursting into laughter.

Ichigo had a WTF look on his face. "What-"

"Your face! God dammit!" Zane yelled again, interrupting him.

Ichigo eye twitched, ever so slightly.

"Is that _anger_ I detect?" Zane said with a smirk.

Ichigo scowled. "No-"

"Your face! God dammit!" Zane shouted, pointing his finger at Ichigo's face.

Ichigo turned on his heel and walked away _very quickly_, and Zane followed, still roaring in laughter.

Probably in an attempt to distract himself from Zane, Ichigo went straight for Rukia and started up a nice little conversation. Which Zane planned on ruining.

While they were talking, Ichigo looked much more relaxed. He apparently said something funny and Rukia laughed. Then Zane popped up out of pretty much no where and screamed, "AHH! ICHIRUKI! MY EYES! IT BURNS, _IT BURNS!" _All while covering his eyes and writhing on the ground in "pain".

Zane honestly didn't care about pairings. He didn't care about IchiRuki or IchiHime, or whatever else the fans' crazy minds thought up. He couldn't care less, but this made for a perfect opportunity to piss off Ichigo. Or at least Rukia, who would take her anger out on him. Which made it all worth it.

Both Ichigo and Rukia stared at him with their mouths open. At the same time, they both asked two different questions.

"What the hell's IchiRuki?" Ichigo said.

"Why does it make your eyes burn, you bastard?" Rukia growled.

Zane, still laying on the ground, started laughing. "I-it burns because we all know Ichigo's an unfaithful bastard!" he choked out between laughs.

"WHAT!" Ichigo managed to make it sound more like surprise than anger, so Zane hadn't won yet. Damn.

"How do you know?" Rukia demanded a bit angrily.

"B-because," Zane took a deep breath to stop the laughter and continued, "There are so many pairing involving him, there's no way he can be faithful to them all! I mean, think about it! There are pairings saying he should be with you, Orihime, Tatsuki, Nel, Grimmjow, Ulquiorra, Chad, Renji, Byakuya, I'm pretty sure I saw a couple fics where he was with Aizen, and even Isane! Isane, for fuck's sake! I don't think Strawberry has ever even talked to her, let alone dropped any kind of hint. So if he's fucking you, chances are he's fucking your brother and best friend, too."

Rukia's mouth was open in horror, and so was Ichigo's, but for a different reason. Ichigo was terrified because now he knew that Rukia would probably beat his ass and then demand to know who else he was allegedly fucking, and when he denied fucking anyone she would go find out the answer herself. Which _could not_ end good. At all.

And sure enough, the pissed off little Soul Reaper turned on him, anger bright in her purple eyes. "_Who else have you been fucking?_" she hissed dangerously.

Ichigo held his hands up defensively in front of him, terror written all over his face. "Rukia, I swear to god, no one!"

"LIES!" Rukia screamed. She unsheathed her zanpakuto, which was regrettably still rubber, and launched herself at him.

And the beating she gave him made the beating Soi Fon gave Omaeda look like a goddamned tea party.

* * *

Later, after Rukia had finished beating the shit out of Ichigo, Zane was sitting on the platform, waiting.

And waiting.

And waiting.

And _waiting_.

He was waiting for the next two people to come. He knew they were coming, he had gotten that familiar feeling he always got when someone came through the gold portal. But for some reason, it was taking a while.

It was effectively pissing him off.

Finally, _finally_, the gold portal shimmered into view. Zane jumped to his feet, eager for whoever it was to get here already so he could go piss off Ichigo some more and win this damn bet already.

Stupid Strawberry was lasting longer than he thought he would.

The first person to walk through made Zane happy, because he could totally use this person to his advantage. He gave a mock bow and said, "Hiya Byakuya."

Byakuya shot him and icy glare and walked away, allowing the next person to come through. When Zane saw who it was, it made him even happier as he realized this person would probably be willing to help him win the bet.

With a mock salute, Zane said, "Yo, Toshiro."

And, to his immense surprise, Toshiro's temple barely throbbed as he dully replied, "It's Captain Hitsugaya."

Zane raised an eyebrow. "Tired or something?"

Toshiro sighed. "A bit, I suppose. Your sister is a _nightmare_."

Zane laughed. "No shit Sherlock."

Toshiro closed his eyes and rubbed his temples tiredly. "Damn, you sound _just like her,_ too."

"I take offense to that!" Zane replied, crossing his arms in front of him.

"Good," Toshiro muttered. "Because it sure as hell wasn't a compliment."

Zane couldn't help but laugh again. "What did she do that scarred you so badly?"

This time Toshiro looked at him with wide, fearful eyes and shuddered.

Zane was shocked, to say the least. _'What the hell could Meridian have done to scare a Captain of the 13 Court Guard Squads this badly?'_ he thought.

"Awful, awful things." Toshiro muttered.

"Dude!" Zane yelled. "You can read minds? Why didn't you tell me!"

Toshiro's eye twitched violently at the familiarity of the words, but replied with, "You were thinking out loud."

Zane blinked. "Oh."

And the way Zane did that one action just like Meridian was so found of doing, especially when she was buzzed, pushed Toshiro to the brink of losing it.

"Hey man, you alright? You look like you're going to cry or something." Zane said.

"I'm fine." Toshiro replied in a strained voice, trying ridiculously hard not to start screaming his freaking head off.

"Are you sure? Because you look kind of pale. Maybe you-"

"I SAID I'M FINE, DAMMIT!" Toshiro screamed.

Zane took a couple steps back. "Alright alright, I get it, jeez."

Toshiro took a deep breath. "I'm sorry." he said. "You just sound _so much like her,_ it's driving me insane."

Zane blinked. "Okay, seriously dude. What the hell did my sister _do_ to you?"

Toshiro stared at him for a minute, and then began telling Zane every single thing that happened. Right down to the very last painfully awkward minute.

**(A/N: I'm such an evil bitch! xD)**

After his explanation, they both sat still. Slowly, Zane nodded his head. "Yup," he muttered. "That's sounds just like the kind of bullshit she would pull."

"It. Was. _Terrible_." Toshiro said. "I have never been brain raped that badly before."

Zane laughed, he couldn't help it. "Come on, it wasn't even that bad! I bet the way Rangiku sexually harasses you every day is worse. On second thought, sexual harassment from her might not be considered harassment any more..." he trailed off, lots of pictures going through his head.

Pictures of those big, beautiful, ripe...

...watermelons he and Meridian had eaten all last summer.

You were thinking something dirty, weren't you?

Shame on you!

Toshiro shuddered. "That conversation was worse than anything Matsumoto has _ever_ tried to do."

Zane just shrugged. "Whatever you say, man. Hey, you want to help me with something?"

Toshiro looked at him in fear as Zane got that look in his eyes. That same look that Meridian got when she had an idea, which never ended well. Ever.

"God, please no." Toshiro practically cried, burying his face in his hands.

Zane rolled his eyes. "It involves pissing off Ichigo."

Toshiro hesitated before raising his head just barely enough to look at Zane. "...I'm listening."

Zane grinned evilly and began the explanation of his newest plan.

* * *

Roughly 30 minutes later, Zane's Epic Plan was ready for action. He had no doubt in his mind that it would work. Not only was it unnecessarily complicated, but he had gotten the entire Black Void in on it.

Except Ichigo, of course.

Zane stood on the platform, the Vizards standing around him in a loose circle. They played a vital role in his plan. It was their job to deliver messages and distractions and to make sure everything went smoothly. If something didn't go the way it was supposed to, it was the Vizards job to make it right again.

"Alright," Zane said. "Let's start the plan. Shinji, you got this?"

Shinji grinned. "Leave it to me." He jumped down from the platform over to Ichigo. They all watched as Shinji made up some lame ass excuse and stole Zangetsu away from Ichigo.

"Go Lisa, go!" Zane said quietly.

She nodded and jumped away.

Step 1 of Zane's Epic Plan – Steal Ichigo's Sword.

Done.

Step 2 of Zane's Epic Plan – The Fucking Triangle.

While Shinji kept Ichigo busy, Lisa ran over to Byakuya and, in a rather loud voice, said, "Hey, Captain Kuchiki. Are you aware of the fact that Ichigo is fucking your sister?"

Everyone around them turned to stare (Part of the plan. Everyone knew this was going to happen.) while a completely demonic aura surrounded Byakuya. Damn, he was a good actor. He disappeared using shunpo and appeared right in front of Ichigo.

Which was Shinji's cue to get the hell out of there.

While Shinji shunpo-ed away, Byakuya drew his sword. "Prepare to die, Ichigo Kurosaki."

Knowing he didn't stand a chance against Byakuya without his sword (regardless of the fact that they were rubber) Ichigo turned and ran.

"You suck, Lisa!" Ichigo shouted, although not angrily. Byakuya was chasing him, looking absolutely pissed.

"I guess even the thought of Ichigo fucking his sister pisses him off." Zane commented.

Shinji popped up beside him, laughing. "Yeah, I guess so."

Zane rolled his eyes and gave him a push. "Get the hell down there, your job isn't done yet."

"Yeah yeah, I know. Jeez." Shinji muttered, jumping back down towards them.

Shinji ran up next to Ichigo. "Hey buddy. You looking for this?" Shinji held up Zangetsu.

"Give that back, Shinji!" Ichigo yelled, looking like he was having a bit of trouble masking his anger.

Shinji laughed. "Nah, don't think I want to." Then he dashed away as a very pissed off Rukia appeared in front of Ichigo.

"_You're fucking my brother?"_ she growled.

Ichigo's eyes widened. "What? Hell no!" He saw Lisa standing off to the side, grinning.

Then Rukia started chasing Ichigo (again), her sword drawn.

Ichigo was using an almost fake expression of terror to hid his anger. He only lost if he was visibly angry.

But Zane knew he was pretty pissed. Not being able to fight back was enough to set him off, but the fact that he couldn't fight back because of Shinji just added to it. Not to mention fake accusations are enough to piss anyone off.

Still grinning, Lisa glanced over at Zane. He smiled and gave a nod. Lisa nodded back and ran off to find Renji.

Several minutes later, Renji interrupted the two Kuchiki siblings. "YOU GUYS ARE FUCKING EACH OTHER? WHAT THE HELL!" he roared.

Seeing his chance, Ichigo escaped and ran like the wind to find Shinji and get his goddamned sword back.

Step 3 of Zane's Epic Plan – New Technique.

Lisa returned to the platform and Zane said, "You're up, Hiyori."

She gave a wicked grin and jumped down to find Kenpachi. Shinji was currently leading Ichigo on a wild goose chase all over the place until Hiyori delivered her message.

Which didn't take very long. Kenpachi was waiting for her and, in a voice loud enough for Ichigo to hear, she told him, "Hey Captain Zaraki! Did ya hear? Ichigo's sword isn't made of rubber anymore, and he's learned a special new technique that makes him super strong and practically invincible!"

Kenpachi grinned evilly. "Did he now?" he growled. He knew it was a lie, but he had agreed to Zane's plan on the condition that Ichigo fought him later.

"Yeah. He thinks he can whip your ass, too." Hiyori added.

"We'll see about that." Kenpachi growled, unsheathing his sword. "Yachiru, go find somewhere to play, okay?"

"Okay!" Yachiru chirped, jumping off his shoulder and running away.

"Let's fight, Kurosaki!" Kenpachi bellowed, chasing after him.

Ichigo looked over with an Oh-Shit expression on his face, and Shinji dashed away. Kenpachi rushed up behind him and swung down. He jumped to the side and barely missed getting his head cut off.

"Shit Kenpachi, it's a lie!" he screamed.

"You're just a pansy!" Kenpachi countered, swinging at Ichigo again. He ducked and Kenpachi swung again and again, barely missing Ichigo each time. Not having a chance to run, Ichigo was stuck there, dodging Kenpachi's attacks the best he could.

He was doing an admittedly good job, but Zane could tell his anger level was rising.

Along with his I'm-Afraid-For-My-Life-But-I'm-Not-Going-To-Admit-It level, because I don't care how strong you think you are, no one gets chased by Kenpachi without running the risk of shitting their britches.

Hiyori returned to the platform as Zane and the others enjoyed the show. They had to do something soon though, because while Kenpachi knew he wasn't supposed to actually hurt Ichigo, do you really think that's going to stop him from trying?

Zane just wanted him angry, not fucking dead.

_'Although,'_ he thought. _'I really kind of wish Max and Meridian were here right now. They hate Ichigo, __I'm sure they would absolutely love to see this.'_

With that thought in mind, Zane whipped out his cell phone and started recording. He was only able to record a minute and a half, then he sent it to his dear sister.

All too soon, Zane figured it was time to intervene. Ichigo had already had one too many close calls. "Hachi!" he called. "Do the kido!"

Hachi nodded and made a diamond with his hands, directly in front of his head. The gap between his hands started glowing white as he mumbled a long string of words. This was a special Kido Hachi had invented himself. It allowed him to make a startlingly realistic projection of any image he had in his mind. It was absolutely no good in battle because the projection couldn't really do anything, but it was perfect for what Zane had in mind.

When the kido had finished, a projection of Chuck Norris was standing there.

Hiyori cupped her hands around her mouth and yelled, "Hey, Captain Zaraki! Think you can kick Chuck Norris' ass?"

"Bring it on!" The Chuck Norris projection yelled, posed in a cheesy karate move.

Distracted, Kenpachi looked over. Then he grinned.

Seeing his chance once again, Ichigo escaped.

Step 4 of Zane's Epic Plan – It's All Ichigo's Fault.

"Alright," Zane said. "You ready for the next one, Rose?"

With a flip of his hair, Rose replied, "Of course."

"Fantastic." Zane mumbled. "There's Momo. Go." He pointed down to where the little Lieutenant was.

Rose took off while Zane and the others watched. This one could get interesting.

They couldn't hear what Rose said as he chatted up Momo, but from the look on her face, it was exactly what Zane told him to say.

Rose was the perfect person for this one because of how dramatic he could be. Momo would have believed anything he said even if she wasn't in on this.

When Momo was so mad that she looked ready to kill something cute and furry, Rose took cover.

Meanwhile, Shinji had been taunting Ichigo with Zangetsu. Right now, it looked like a game. Ichigo would lunge at him, and Shinji would jump just out of his reach.

Momo interrupted that.

She came barreling at Ichigo like a bat out of hell, looking like a frickin' she-demon.

"How dare you!" She screeched like a banshee, clinging to Ichigo and throwing punches at him with her little fists.

"How dare I what? Owowowowow, hell Momo, that hurts!" Ichigo yelled. "What did I do?"

Momo was practically crying now. "H-how dare y-you make C-captain Aizen do t-that!"

"Do what? OW!"

"YOU! YOU MADE HIM BETRAY THE SOUL SOCIETY! IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!" Momo cried.

"Where are you guys getting this from?" Ichigo yelled. "I didn't do it, Momo! Aizen did it all on his own! Remember the therapist?"

"SCREW THE THERAPIST!" Momo yelled. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

Ichigo sighed. Momo was attached to his back like a monkey, so grabbed her wrist and flipped her off him. She landed on her back on the ground in front of him with an "Oof!"

Ichigo crouched down next to her. "It wasn't my fault. You're just bat-shit crazy."

Momo peeked her eye open. "Oww. That hurt." She whined.

Then, out of seemingly nowhere, Toshiro was there next to him. "Kurosaki." His eyes were filled with anger, and his hand was gripping the hilt of his sword.

"You. Hurt. Momo. I hope you're ready to die. Slowly. And. Painfully." Toshiro growled out through clenched teeth. He narrowed his eyes and drew his sword, swinging at Ichigo.

Ichigo jumped back and barely managed to avoid Toshiro's rubber blade. "Why does everyone want to frickin' kill me? I didn't do anything!" he wailed.

Back up on the platform, Zane laughed. "You know what the best part of this is?" he said.

"What?" Lisa asked.

"None of these people are even acting. They all actually want to kill him." Zane laughed.

Lisa smiled. "That does make it much more entertaining." she agreed.

Unsurprisingly, considering his height, Toshiro was fast. Without his Bankai to help him out, Ichigo wasn't all that fast. Out of everyone who had chased Ichigo with their swords drawn today, Toshiro was the one to land some hits. Even with the bouncy material of the sword, Ichigo had some impressive bruises. Momo got up from the ground and joined Toshiro, and she actually managed to hit him once or twice.

"I have to admit," Zane said. "Ichigo is pretty good at this. I would've blown up after Step 1."

Kensei grunted beside him. "Yeah, I probably would have too. I gotta give the kid credit for staying in the game so long."

"Yeah, no kidding." Zane replied.

"When is it my turn?" Mashiro whined from behind them. "I wanna help make him mad!"

Zane laughed when Momo whacked Ichigo's head like he was a Whack-A-Mole and replied, "U-uh, now is probably a good time. Go find Aizen, and all that." He just waved for her to go because he was too distracted by how hilarious this was.

Mashiro cheered and jumped down to find Aizen and get the distraction ready so step 5 could begin. Zane didn't pay attention, he assumed Mashiro could handle it.

But, you know the saying. "Never assume, because it makes an ASS out of U and ME." Zane should know better than to assume things!

Mashiro screwed up. Bad. Which was somewhat ironic, because as a Vizard, it was her job to fix things that went wrong. Not cause them to go wrong.

She ran towards Aizen, waving her arms and screaming his name repeatedly. That was her first screw up. She was supposed to get Aizen ready without alerting Ichigo. Aizen, who was aware of that, tried to get her to shut the hell up, but the crazy girl didn't want to!

"Aizen, Aizen, Aizen!" She practically sang, skipping over to him. "Are you ready? It's time to end Step 4 of Zane's Epic Plan so we can start Step 5!"

"Yes Mashiro, I know. Try being quieter, we aren't supposed to-" Aizen was cut off by Mashiro being, well, Mashiro.

"Do you remember what you're supposed to do? You have to get in that random closet over there and hang your robes outside to distract Momo which will distract Toshiro and give Ichigo a chance to escape so Szayel and Uryu can start torturing him with a lecture before he trips over-" Mashiro was talking incredibly loudly, and even though everyone around her was trying to shut her up, she wouldn't!

"What are you talking about, Mashiro?" Ichigo demanded. He had heard her.

Zane started to panic. Oh, this was very bad. "Shut her up Kensei, shut her the hell up!"

"On it!" Kensei called, already halfway there.

"Zane's Epic Plan? What the hell is that?" Ichigo growled.

"It's the plan Zane came up with to make you lose the bet, and he got everyone in o-" Mashiro's explanation was cut off by Kensei clamping his hand over her mouth.

"Shut the hell up!" He yelled at her. "Ow!"

Kensei jerked his hand back. "Dammit Mashiro!"

She bared her teeth at him. "Don't do that, or I'll bite you again!"

Mashiro had thankfully stopped talking about his plan, but Ichigo had heard enough. He turned to Zane, and hot damn did he looked pissed.

"You. You did all this. Just to win. I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!" Ichigo roared.

Zane laughed nervously. Oh wow, he was really fucking mad. "I-I win the bet! You're pissed!" he pointed out.

"NO SHIT. NOW DIE." Ichigo charged.

"UNOHANA! NOW WOULD BE A GREAT TIME FOR THAT SEDATIVE!" Zane yelled, terrified for his life. He had never before in his short life seen Ichigo so pissed off at anyone.

Ichigo was heading straight for him, but he tripped over something. Actually, it was a some_one_. He fell and landed face first on the ground, which only helped fuel his anger.

"What the hell?" Stark muttered, rubbing his head. He had been napping on the ground when Ichigo had tripped over him.

Ichigo didn't even spare a glance or apology at him and continued on his way. But that wasn't going to fly with Stark, and he reached out and grabbed Ichigo's ankle.

"Hey! The least you could do is apologize! You frickin' tripped over me!" Stark demanded, getting a bit angry.

"Shut up!" Ichigo yelled, to pissed to really care.

_'Well damn.'_ Zane thought. _'This may have all gone to hell and we may have completely skipped Step 5, but I can still make Steps 6 and 7 work.'_

Stark got up and drew his sword, glaring at Ichigo menacingly. "I don't have time for this! I gotta beat the crap out of _him!"_ Ichigo pointed at Zane angrily.

"UNOHANA! SEDATIVE. NOW WOULD BE GOOD." Zane cried.

Before Stark had managed to chase Ichigo around like he was supposed to in Step 6, there was a tranquilizer dart stuck in his neck. His eyelids drooped and he was passed out on the ground in seconds, sound asleep.

That, however, left Ichigo free to attack Zane. As he turned his anger filled amber eyes on him, Zane could honestly admit he was _this close_ to running away, screaming for his mommy. Ichigo was _that_ damn terrifying.

"WRONG SEDATIVE UNOHANA, WRONG FREAKIN' ONE!" Zane yelled as he took off running. He may not stand a chance against Ichigo, but there was no way in hell he wasn't putting up a fight. Or rather, run for his fucking life while Unohana prepared the sedative.

"I'm pretty damn sure she's taking extra long just to further endanger my life. Because Unohana's just like that." Zane muttered as he ran.

Ichigo flash stepped directly in front of him, and Zane couldn't help the high-pitched and very girly sounding scream that escaped his lips. He turned and ran in a different direction before Ichigo could get him, only to have another scream escape as Ichigo blocked his path once more. Zane tried to run again, and Ichigo stopped him again.

Ichigo was everywhere! Damn, and he had thought Toshiro was fast.

Before Zane had a chance to run again (or at least try), Ichigo grabbed him, wrapping his fingers around Zane's neck. With one arm, Ichigo effortlessly lifted Zane off the ground, his fingers tightening their grip on his neck. Zane thrashed his legs around and clawed at Ichigo's fingers as his air supply was cut off. But Ichigo was much stronger than him, and Zane's blue eyes widened as he felt fear and panic rise in his chest.

_'Holy hell, he's really going to kill me!'_ Zane thought as he started to feel a bit lightheaded. _'I don't want to die, I'm only 13! I'm way too young and good looking to die now!'_

Ichigo froze suddenly, his eyes widening momentarily before his eyelids drooped. His fingers relaxed and Zane slipped from his grip, landing flat on his ass and breathing in large gulps of air. Ichigo's eyes slipped shut as he collapsed to the ground, a tranquilizer dart sticking out of the back of his neck.

Unohana stood behind him, holding a shot filled with a clear liquid. She knelt down beside him and injected the liquid into his arm.

"Thank...you...so...freakin'...much." Zane panted out. "I though...I was..._dead_."

"If I had not been here, you probably would have died." Unohana stated, although Zane only half believed her. Someone would have saved him, right? Right?

"What was the shot?" Zane asked, nodding towards it.

"A memory replacement. We needed something stronger than what we usually use on people." Unohana explained. "When he wakes up, he will remember losing the bet, only differently than how it actually happened. He won't remember all this, so he will not wish to kill you any longer, either."

Zane sighed in relief. "Thanks."

* * *

Several hours after Ichigo had woken up, said Strawberry was standing next to Zane. He was definitely angry, though not murderously so.

Was it probably a bad idea to piss off Ichigo after what happened last time?

Yeah. Like, a crazy, insanely bad idea.

Was this going to stop Zane?

Hell to the no.

You're probably wondering why Ichigo was angry, again. Well, after he woke up and realized he lost the bet, Zane wasted no time in celebrating and setting down some base rules for Ichigo. After all, he was Zane's bitch now.

Zane had been thinking about some ideas before the whole plan, and he had some good ones. After listening to Max and Meridian go on and on about some hot butler from some anime called Black Butler or Kuroshitsuji or some shit like that, Zane knew what he wanted Ichigo to do.

"Rule number 1," Zane said, holding up one finger. "Talk in a sexy British accent all the time."

Ichigo opened his mouth to protest, but Zane said, "You have to, you're my bitch."

Ichigo glared. Zane smirked.

"Rule number 2. You will address me as My Lord and after I have given you an order you will bow and say 'Yes, my Lord' before carrying out said order."

Ichigo didn't look any happier at this.

"Rule number 3." Zane continued. "There is a loophole to every order given, and I've no doubt you will find some. That's fine, as long as I don't directly say 'This is an order.' If I say that, no loopholes will be tolerated and you have to do whatever it is. No exceptions. Got it?"

Ichigo groaned. "Yeah yeah, I got it."

"I believe you just broke rule number 1." Zane said.

Ichigo glared. "My apologies, My Lord. I understand." Ichigo said in a British accent. It wasn't sexy (Zane would have been disturbed if it was), but it wasn't mocking either.

Zane nodded. "Good. Now for your first order. Ichigo, I order you to wear this." From his back Zane produced a pink bonnet full of frills.

Before Ichigo could refuse, Zane reminded him, "That's a direct order and you're my bitch. You have to."

With a mumbled curse, Ichigo snatched the bonnet from him and put it on. "I hate you." he mumbled.

"Ahem."

"...I hate you, _My Lord_."

"That's better." Zane said with a satisfied smirk.

* * *

**A/N: Ha, so after I figured out what I wanted to do with this chapter, I had so much damn fun~**

**Once again, I apologize to Ichigo fangirls. Zane needed to win, and I was having fun, and it just kinda got out of hand...**

**Anywho, please review! Every review makes me feel super happy inside :D**

**OH! One more thing. I posted a story on my FictionPress account, and I'm seriously starting to get desperate. I have 1 reader (who I totally love for reviewing and supporting my story~) but seriously? I need more people to read it! I need more than just one person's feedback because I have no idea if I'm doing a good enough job with it! I promise it's better than the summary. What can I say, I suck at summaries. So please read it? Link is on my profile!**

**AND REVIEW THIS STORY. I MISS REVIEWS :'(**

**Oh, and Maxie dear? My mother doesn't know about the second Facebook account, and if she finds out, I'm quite literally dead. So if you decide to add me, be careful about what you say, m'kay? She has Facebook, too.**


	29. Smile

**A/N: Thank you to thablueGRRL, Emoemu-san, Marshmellowtime, xlilslayerx, MaxRide14, Blacksunwhitemoon666, Jazzcat1231, KryptessEternal, lugiagirl98, winkz, ReaperShizuka, Ayamekochan, and Kay-baka'chan.**

**Jazzcat1231: Ha, I so know how that is! For the longest time, I watched Bleach in secrecy because I didn't want my insane mother seeing it. I knew she'd flip because there was too much violence and swearing *eye roll* Eventually, I just said screw it and started not caring if she saw it. She didn't freak as badly as I thought she would, although there was this one time she decided to sit down and frickin' watch it with me. I have no idea why she did that...actually, I'm pretty sure it's because the universe hates me. Anyway, it was the worst possible episode she could have seen. Kenpachi versus Nnoitra. The episode involving possibly the most amount of blood and swearing that I have ever seen. She glanced at Nnoitra, half dead and covered from head to toe in blood, and asked if I was mentally okay. I don't think she was joking, either. Hahaa :P**

**Sorry people, but I have a bit of bad news. School has started for me, which means I get a hell of a lot less time to write. Sad, right? Even worse, I didn't get my damn creative writing class that I wanted to take. Anyway, I have no idea when I'll update. I mean, I'll post the next chapter as soon as I finish it, but I don't know when that will be. **

**I usually only get time to do a lot of writing on the weekends, so expect updates then. **

**Haha, okay. So, about the whole Facebook thing I did? Yeah, I made that at 3:30 in the morning, having only gotten 3hours of sleep a night for the past week before that. So, needless to say, there was no way in hell I was thinking straight when I did that. I mean, I'm not even that popular on fanfic! Thank you very much to those who actually friended me, but I probably won't be on it much. Ha.**

**Now, regarding the actual effing story. This one has a song in it! Yay! I'll put the name and artist of it at the end, because I don't want to right here :P**

**So read the damn story! And don't forget to review :)**

* * *

I shoved my hands into the pockets of my comfiest pair of pants (which were jeans) while I dragged my feet slowly across the sidewalk. My head was still pounding and the damn summer sun wasn't really helping, and neither were my cheap ass sunglasses. My long, black hair was hanging loose around my face because I was too damn lazy to pull it up and I had no idea if what I was wearing looked even somewhat socially acceptable.

Not that I really gave a damn.

Max was almost literally skipping beside me, happy that she got to see Shuhei soon. She had dragged me out of bed and shoved me into the shower (quite literally) because she hasn't learned the meaning of the word 'patience' yet and she was in a hell of a hurry.

We were walking to Mugg's, the coffee shop three blocks away from my house. It was Thursday, which meant Open Stage.

Joy to the fucking world.

Mugg's had an Open Stage every Thursday during the summer where basically anyone who wanted to got up on stage and did whatever the hell they wanted to entertain the small amount of people who actually went there. Of course, it had to be somewhat sensible.

Meaning that ruled out any pole dancing or stripping, or anything of the sort.

Not that anyone would even try. I mean, damn, in a town like this, in _Mugg's_? If you're going to try that, at least go to the Zoo (a bar, not an actual zoo). Geez.

According to Max, she had come here while I was still sleeping to get some coffee and had seen Shuhei and Renji getting coffee. Which was when she bolted back to my house to get me.

So now we were here, walking into Mugg's. I wanted something to drink, but I absolutely despise coffee, so I ordered a smoothie.

Orange Passion Fruit Green Tea. With whipped cream. Yum~

I sipped my smoothie and smiled happily. "I'm happy." I said simply.

Max giggled, but she wasn't really paying attention. She was searching the crowded little house for our lovable Bleach boys. And I don't mean crowded with people, I mean crowded with mostly empty tables and chairs.

Yeah.

Max frowned, not seeing them, and walked off around the corner to the area by the stage. I followed her, and was pretty damn happy at seeing them sitting at a table a little ways away.

"SHUHEI!" Max screamed, running and glomping the poor guy.

I grinned and walked up behind Renji. "Hey~" I said in a sing-song voice, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my chin on top of his head. "'Sup, Pineapple?"

He spazzed (and it was fucking hilarious) but I refused to let go. "Dammit Meridian, let go of me!" he shouted, trying to hit me.

That asshole. You can't hit girls!

"Hey, quit your damn spazzing!" I shouted. "You're gonna spill my smoothie, and so help me God, if you do..."

I was a bit cranky hungover, and if that damn idiot spilled my smoothie, there was gonna be hell to pay.

Renji seemed to understand, so he relaxed. Meanwhile, Shuhei's face was about as purple as his hair because Max's glomps came at a price. Oxygen.

I briefly wondered if I should help him.

Apparently Renji wondered too, because he pointed at Shuhei and raised a tattooed eyebrow questioningly. I just shook my head.

"Hey, Max-chan," I said. "Do you really wanna kill your Shuhei-sama?"

She finally released her grip on him and he drew in deep lungfuls of air. "No!" She cried. "I don't want him dead!"

"Then it's a damn good thing you let go." I smiled.

She noticed Shuhei gasping for breath and smiled sheepishly. "Heh, my bad."

"Alright," I said, slipping into a chair next to Renji and sipping my smoothie happily. "Mission accomplished."

"Almost." Max reminded me, sitting next to Shuhei. "We still need their objects, and we need to spend some time with them."

I shot her a questioning look -when the hell did that become a rule?- and she shook her head ever so slightly at me. I dropped the issue, but mostly because I saw that look in her Greblow colored eyes.

Yes, Max did give her eye color that name, because her eyes have, like, 5 colors in them.

It's also, apparently, a place in Poland.

Ha.

Anyway, I saw that look in them. The one saying They-don't-know-the-rules-and-I'm-going-to-completely-use-that-to-my-advantage-so-I-can-spend-some-damn-time-with-Shuhei.

Which I was fine with. Hell, bugging the crap out of Renji is one of my favorite past times!

I could almost see the light bulb turn on over Max's head as she dashed away towards the counter. She came back a minute later with a smoothie, which she shoved in front of Renji.

He raised an eyebrow.

I flicked his forehead. "Drink it, moron." I grumbled, already knowing what it probably was.

He glared but did as he was told (haha, whipped bastard!). The minute he touched the smoothie, he glowed.

Huh, I was right. It was a pineapple flavored smoothie.

I smiled. "Nice thinking."

She grinned back. "Now we need a guitar for Shuhei." she said.

I sipped my smoothie. "How are so sure that his object is a guitar?" I asked.

"'Cause I am." she replied.

I shrugged. Hell, that was good enough for me.

"There's one up on the stage, but you need to actually be performing to use it." Shuhei said.

Max's face lit up like a kid on Christmas. "Well then, it's a damn good thing you know how to play, huh?" I said, smiling. "Get up there and play something pretty, Lieutenant."

That seem to take him off guard. "W-what? No!" he said. "I'm not that good anyway."

"I second that." Renji muttered quietly. I kicked him under the table.

He glared at me. I ignored him.

"Then take Max with you." I said. "She can sing, you can play. Problem solved."

Well, that made Max look pretty damn happy. "Come on Shuhei-sama!" she yelled, actually dragging him out of his chair and up to the stage.

Shuhei looked a bit nervous, but tentatively grabbed the guitar and sat on the stool while Max set up two microphones next to him...

Wait. Two?

Oh. Hell. NO.

Almost like she was reading my mind, she turned to look at me with a Get-you-ass-up-here-NOW kind of look.

"You are crazy." I said, sipping my smoothie. "I can't sing!"

She pointed to her face, a smile on her lips. "Does it look like I care?"

I groaned and banged my head against the table. I wasn't winning. "Nooo." I stood up and walked up to the stage.

While we talked, more people had come. There was quite a crowd now. Of fucking course.

I grabbed a microphone and glared daggers at it, like it was all this stupid mics fault that I was up here. "So what are we singing?" I asked no one in particular, still glaring hatefully at the stupid mic.

Max shrugged. "Dunno. Pick something."

I looked up and thought for a minute. Then I grinned so happily and suddenly I probably scared the shit out of poor Shuhei.

I had the perfect song. It wasn't a duet, it wasn't even sung by a girl originally. I didn't care, there was no other song that could be sung. This was the song I had heard the entire summer when I had first met Max, and it never got annoying or old. It made me smile every time I heard it, because it brought back a lot of great memories of my first summer with my best friend.

This was the song we had to sing.

I whispered it to Shuhei. He nodded, "Yeah, I know that one." he said.

"What are we singing?" Max asked curiously.

I grinned. "You'll see. Don't worry, I know you know it."

"Yo! Number 62, two vocals and a guitar!" I called to the guy in the back. He got the music ready, quieting the parts we were doing and whatnot. He gave me a thumbs up and I nodded.

"1, 2, 3, 4." I counted off, and Shuhei started playing as the music began to play.

It only took Max a couple seconds to figure out the song, and when she did, she smiled as happily as I had when I first thought of it.

I counted the beats in the intro, and I started singing right on cue.

**(A/N: Meridian is bold,** _Max is italics,_ _**both is like this.)**_

**You're better than the best. **

**I'm lucky just to linger in your light.**

**Cooler than the flip side of my pillow, that's right.**

**Completely unaware**

**Nothing can compare to where you send me**

**Let's me know that it's okay, yeah it's okay**

**And the moments where my good times start to fade...**

_You make me smile like the sun_

_Fall out of bed, sing like a bird_

_Dizzy in my head, spin like a record_

_Crazy on a Sunday night_

**You make me dance like a fool**

**Forget how to breathe**

**Shine like gold, buzz like a bee**

**Just the though of you can drive me wild**

_**Oh, you make me smile~**_

_Even when you're gone_

_Somehow you come along_

_Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that_

_You steal away the rain and just like that..._

_You make me smile like the sun_

_Fall out of bed, sing like a bird_

_Dizzy in my head, spin like a record_

_Crazy on a Sunday night_

**You make me dance like a fool**

**Forget how to breathe**

**Shine like gold, buzz like a bee**

**Just the though of you can drive me wild**

_**Oh, you make me smile~**_

**Don't know how I lived without you**

**'Cause every time that I get around you**

**I see the best of me inside your eyes**

_You make me smile~_

_You make me dance like a fool_

_Forget how to breathe_

_Shine like gold, buzz like a bee_

_Just the thought of you can drive me wild_

**You make me smile like the sun**

_Fall out of bed_

**Sing like a bird**

_Dizzy in my head_

**Spin like a record**

_Crazy on a Sunday night_

**You make me dance like a fool**

_Forget how to breathe_

**Shine like gold**

_Buzz like a bee_

**Just the thought of you can drive me wild**

_Ohh, you make me smile!_

**(Oh, you make me smile)**

_Ohh, you make me smile!_

**(Oh, you make me smile)**

_**Ohh, you make me smile!~**_

We ended with a typical Max-and-Meridian style flourish, putting a pretty spin on the last word and sinking into low bows at our immediate applause and cheer. I saw Renji staring at us with his mouth hanging open before he quickly looked away. I smirked. I wasn't going to let him live that down.

"That was awesome!" Max said, after the cheers had died down.

"Hell yeah it was." I agreed. We turned to look at Shuhei, who was already surrounded by several girls giving him their numbers.

That didn't go over well with Max. She stalked over to them and pushed through the little crowd to stand defensively in front of Shuhei. "Step. Away. From. Him." she growled. _"Now."_

A few girls looked scared of her, but several didn't. I walked up and put my hands on the shoulders of two girls. "I would do as she says." I said casually. "You see that expression on her face? Yeah, that's the look of a jealous fangirl. Fangirls do NOT like to share. So if you want your eyes clawed out, go ahead and stay here. But we're not responsible for any hospital visits, m'kay?"

I smiled in a way very similar to Unohana and those girls were gone faster than I could blink. "Thank you!" Max smiled before throwing her arms around Shuhei. "That was amazing, Shuhei!"

I saw Shuhei's face turn a little red. "It wasn't really that good..." he muttered.

I whacked him upside the head. "Shut up. That was bitching."

Max nodded vigorously and I pointed at her. "See? She thinks it was bitching too. Now come on, we should get out of here. You're glowing, and it's probably freaking some people out."

Max laughed and we hopped off the stage to meet with Renji. "So how did you like it, Pineapple?" I said, smoothie in hand.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "It was alright." he said.

I punched his shoulder. "Bullshit. That was bitching and you know it." He rubbed his shoulder and gave me a glare, which -you guessed it- I ignored completely.

"Would you stop hitting me?" Renji demanded.

I made a face. "Aw, am I hurting the wittle baby?" I retorted in a baby voice.

"No! It's just annoying." Renji replied defensively.

"If it doesn't hurt, why'd you get so defensive on me?" I asked.

"I'm not defensive!" He growled.

"Hey, look! You're in denial, too!" I said loudly, pointing at his face.

"I'm not in denial, dammit!" he yelled, swatting my hand away.

"The first sign of denial is denying that you're in denial even though we all know you are." Max said wisely.

"Thank you, Dr. Max." I replied. "See? The doctor even diagnosed it! You're in denial."

The look on Renji's face was a priceless WTF look. "She's not even a real doctor!"

"She is in my world." I said simply, and Max laughed.

"Which doesn't exist." Shuhei said.

"Oh yes it does." I said, rounding on him. "It is very real." I did my best to sound serious and not burst out into laughter, and it was incredibly difficult.

Renji scoffed. "Says who?"

"The little people living there." I replied in the most innocent voice I could muster.

"That hardly makes it real." Shuhei argued. Max was too busy laughing to say anything; we'd already had this conversation before.

"Oh really now?" I demanded, getting right up in Shuhei's face. "Why don't you try telling THEM that? Because I'm sure they would love to hear you say they don't exist right to their faces."

Shuhei gently pushed me out of his personal bubble and simply stated, "I'm not talking to the voices you hear in your head."

"Why not?" I pouted, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "What, they aren't good enough for you? Fine, I see how it is. Talk to the ones in Max's head than, see if I care."

"My head is voice free!" Max declared at hearing my last sentence. She slung her arm around Shuhei's shoulder. "Come on, let's go~!" And she marched out of the coffee shop.

"Well, you heard the girl. Move, move, move!" I yelled like a drill sergeant, grabbing Renji's wrist and pulling him along.

"Dammit, I can walk by myself!" Renji snapped.

"Oh, I'm aware." I said, throwing a look at him over my shoulder. I grinned. "But this is much more fun."

Renji's temple throbbed, and he struggled the entire way back to my house.

* * *

**A/N: Oh, how I love pissing off Renji~**

**The name of the song Max and Meridian sang was Smile by Uncle Kracker. I seriously do love that song :)**

**Oh, and I doubt anyone really cares, but the coffee shop in the chapter, Mugg's? They don't really have an Open Stage. Or even a stage, for that matter. I have no idea why, but I always feel the need to tell you people when I make something up to help the story.**

**And Max inspired this idea. Without her, I'd be effing screwed :D**


	30. Mind Fucked & OMG EXCITING! Not really

**A/N: Thank you to ****thablueGRRL, Marshmellowtime, ReaperShizuka (aka KryptessEternal), MaxRide14, StelzaRinator, Soradrop, Icy, AnimeLover8797, Destiny's-Chosen, RedSnow4, and EverythingIsInsanity. **

**GAH, I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES!**

**I'm terrible, I know ;w;**

**Anyway~ I finally got this stupid fucking chapter done! Zane chapters are always so hard, I never know what to write. But never mind that, because it's done!**

**HUZZAH!**

**...Never mind the fact that it's almost 2 months late!**

***AHEM* SO! School sucks, I get a bunch of homework, I have a bunch of stuff to do outside of school, so yeah. That's my excuse :/**

**Even worse? It's going to be November soon. I'm going to take part in NaNoWriMo for the first time this year, so finding time to focus on DTIF is going to be hard as hell.**

**BUT I SHALL TRY!**

**Now, I'm going to shut the fuck up so you can read this seriously overdue BUT SERIOUSLY EXCITING (not really) chappie :D**

* * *

Zane had to give Ichigo some credit: Dude had guts.

Currently, Ichigo was sitting across from Mayuri, both staring at each other. Zane had ordered Ichigo to beat Mayuri in a staring contest (because he thought it would be fun) and the ginger was doing pretty well. Zane, admittedly, would not have been able to do that. Mayuri was just too fucking creepy, and there was no way Zane could look him in the eye for more than 10 seconds.

So far, Ichigo had lasted almost a minute.

Zane was kind of hoping he would lose this one, but it looked like he might win. Which was disappointing. He was trying to order Ichigo to do things he would fail at, but it wasn't working. The damn Strawberry was too good.

After a minute and a half with neither of the now equally creepy dudes blinking, Zane said, "I give up, you damned idiot. Stop staring at Kurotsuchi like that, you look like a pedophile. Come on, we got shit to do."

Ichigo reluctantly got up and followed after Zane, but he managed to keep eye contact with Mayuri. He was hellbent on winning, though Zane couldn't see why.

"Strawberry, stop staring at him. Now. That's an order." Zane said, without looking back at him.

"What! Why?" Ichigo yelled. "I'm going to win!"

"No, you're not." Zane replied calmly. "Now stop. Besides, you can't refuse that, it was a direct order. Now let's go."

Ichigo growled in frustration, but he broke eye contact anyway. Mayuri's creepy ass laugh followed them, and Zane shuddered. "Jeez, Kurotsuchi is creepy." he muttered.

Ichigo didn't say anything, he was too busy sulking behind him with his hands in his pockets. Which looked pretty effing funny, considering he was still wearing the frilly, pink bonnet.

Zane raised an eyebrow. "Why the hell are you so pissed off?" he asked. He had a terrible flashback of Ichigo choking him violently and decided it was best not to piss him off too much too soon.

"I was totally going to win." Ichigo muttered. "You realize he's never going to let me live this down, right?"

Zane scoffed. "Who cares? It's just Kurotsuchi. Half the Soul Society thinks he's bat shit crazy, anyway."

"That doesn't matter!" Ichigo responded. "_I lost._ I _never_ lose. Ever! That hurts my pride!"

Zane tried not to, he really did, but he just couldn't help himself. He burst out laughing. Ichigo glared at him. "I-I'm sorry," He said between laughs. "That's just so sad! You lost a staring contest with Kurotsuchi, and that hurts your pride? Seriously?" he laughed again. "Dude, get over it! No one cares."

Ichigo mumbled something that was incoherent but sounded a lot like, "Fuck off," though he couldn't be sure.

With Strawberry in tow, Zane wandered aimlessly through the crowd in the Black Void. Here, he was in charge, and he felt like the king. He had authority here, over people way older than him and at least ten times stronger.

_He had authority over people like Aizen!_

Being the youngest of 3 kids, Zane had never had any authority over anyone, not even the dog. His older brother Nicko always held authority when their parents weren't home. When Nicko wasn't there, Meridian got to boss him around, and with far more authority than someone only 2 years older than him should have.

Zane didn't listen to her often anyway, but that was besides the point. Although, he figured he was probably a large part of the reason for Meridian's hellish temper. Growing up with someone like Zane, who lived for pissing people off, was enough to push anyone's patience out the window.

Except in this case, Meridian's patience had gone out the window, jumped on a plane to Spain, then drowned itself in the ocean off the coast of Portugal.

"Have you heard anything from your sister?" Ichigo asked. "When will Renji be back?"

Zane shrugged. "Dunno." He left out the part about him texting Meridian and telling her to take as long as possible. She had gotten a kick out the little bet they had, though he hadn't told her that Ichigo almost fucking killed him.

He'd tell her eventually. Maybe.

"Shouldn't you know what's going on? She's your sister." Ichigo said.

Zane scoffed. "And that automatically means I should watch her every fucking movement? She's way too boring for that. And besides, she's the older one. _She_ should be keeping tabs on _me_, not the other way around, Strawberry. Now come on!"

Zane took off running, and with a shout Ichigo followed. He'd just gotten an idea, and as mean as it may be, it would still be entertaining.

It didn't take long for him to find his next victim. Kaname Tousen. The only blind character in Bleach. And everyone knows screwing with blind people is always fun, right?

Tousen was standing faithfully next to Aizen like a lost puppy. "Hey, Strawberry. Distract Aizen. That's an order." he whispered. Ichigo grunted angrily but did as he was told. When Aizen was successfully distracted, Zane quietly snuck up behind Tousen and, stealthy as a ninja, grabbed that stupid orange scarf thingy he wears.

He bolted off, carrying Tousen's scarf and smiling. It really wasn't that big a deal, and he really had no reason to be smiling. He was just messing with a blind guy, which, in retrospect, was mean as hell.

But did Zane care?

No. No, he did not.

So he smiled triumphantly as he ran. Until Tousen appeared _out of fucking nowhere_ directly in front of him.

"Holy shit!" Zane exclaimed, skidding to a stop and turning back the way he came. But he was too slow, and Tousen managed to grab him by the back of his shirt.

"Give me back my scarf." he said.

"How the hell did you know I took it? You're blind!" Zane yelled.

"I didn't." Tousen said. "But you just told me."

With a rather violent curse, Zane threw the scarf back at him and shrugged out of his grip. "Damn blind guy, mind fucking me like that." he grumbled. "Strawberry! Where are you?"

"I'm right here, dip shit." Ichigo grumbled from right next to him. Zane cursed again and spazzed out. "Don't sneak up behind me!" he growled.

Ichigo rolled his eyes. "I didn't. I was standing here the whole time. Geezus, you're worse than Meridian."

Zane's temple throbbed. "Ah, just shut up!" he yelled, bitch slapping Ichigo rather impressively. There was a loud, solid sounding _Smack!_ as his hand connected with Ichigo's cheek, leaving a bright red hand print. "Stop saying shit like that!" he snapped. "Meridian and I are _two different people!_ Just because we're siblings does not mean everyone has to compare us all the damn time!"

"Shit!" Ichigo muttered, holding his cheek were Zane had bitch slapped him. "That hurt, you little brat!"

"Then shut the fuck up!" Zane yelled. "Now go pick a fight with Byakuya or something. That's an order."

Ichigo stormed off, and Zane sighed. He had one hell of a headache.

"That was pretty damn impressive."

Zane turned to see Shinji walking towards him. He gave him a small sup nod and said, "What up, Shinji?"

"Not much." Shinji shrugged, his hands tucked into his pockets. "Saw you slap Ichigo back there. Nice one, my friend. Nice one."

"Wasn't it though?" Zane said with a little smirk, holding his hand out, palm up. Shinji slapped him a solid 'five, smiling a bit of his own. They both watched as Ichigo picked a fight with Byakuya, which was actually pretty damn entertaining.

"Ya know," Shinji said after a few minutes of watching Ichigo get his ass handed to him. "We've been in the stupid place for quite a while now. When exactly are Max and Meridian going to be done? I'd like to get the hell out of here."

Zane shrugged. "Dunno. But I know what you mean. I'm getting sick and tired of this stupid place. Damn bitch, making me stay back here and babysit."

"So if you're so sick and tired of it here, why don't you just leave?" Shinji asked.

Zane scoffed. "Believe me, if I could, I would. In a heartbeat. But I can't exactly do that, now can I?"

Shinji shrugged in a way that was way too nonchalant to actually _be_ nonchalant. Zane raised an eyebrow. "You have an idea, don't you?"

Shinji kept a straight face. "Maybe I do."

"Care to enlighten me?"

"That depends."

"On...?"

"Well, if my plan actually works, you have to take me with you." Shinji said. "I'm sick of this place. If you're getting out of here, then I'm coming too. After Max and Meridian fix all this, I'll go back to where I'm supposed to. But until then, I'd rather be in your world than this one."

Zane was quiet, thinking. _'It would be nice to get out of here... no, it'd be fucking awesome. But should I risk it? I trust Shinji enough to get us the hell out of here, but I'm more concerned about Meridian. If she found out I left, she'd be pissed as hell.'_

Zane blinked, realizing something. _'Since when have I given a damn about pissing her off? What's holding me here? Her? That's never stopped me before! There's not some stupid rule saying I can't leave, and even if there was, that wouldn't stop me anyway!'_

Zane looked at Shinji and smiled. "Tell me your plan, bro."

* * *

**A/N: Exciting shit, right?**

**Ha, so yeah. That's the chappie. Short? *checks word count* Actually, not too bad. Could be longer, could probably be better, but that's what you're getting :)**

**Please review? It makes me so very happy and I will love you all! (In a completely homosexual way, of course ;D) [Hahaa, I'm kidding!]**

**But seriously, review. It makes me happy!**

**Oh, and yesss, I did in fact change my username. I don't know, my old one just got kinda boring, I guess. CELLOS ARE AMAZING! And the dash 4 part is because I'm fourth chair cellist at my school :D**

**YEAH. I PLAY THE CELLO. IT'S AMAZING, TOO. **

**WE'RE TOTALLY GONNA ROCK THE EFFING HOUSE AT OUR CONCERT ON MONDAY!**

**(Actually, no. We probably won't. We're not the best anymore 'cause of our crappy new conductor. But hey, that's life!)**

**BE JEALOUS DAMMIT. **

**(Kidding!~ I love you all :D)**


	31. Nerf War

**A/N: Hello my lovely, beautiful, fantastic, just goddamn AWESOME readers who did not give up on me!**

**Yes! I am back! **

**I know it's been for fucking ever, and I really am sorry. I could list a bunch of reasons why I didn't update, but I don't want to bore you to tears, soo...**

**There is one thing, though: The main reason why I haven't updated is because my computer crashed. I lost everything. EVERYTHING. I almost cried. **

**The only things I had saved was anything posted on here or Fiction press, and a few little things I had saved on my iPod, most of which are not the finished product...**

**I've been trying to re-write it all, but's fucking hard as hell. **

**Anyway, thank you so, so, so, so SO much to anyone who reviewed or favorited or alerted! I wish I could thank you all by name, but it's been so long that I can't remember everyone, and if I were to go back and figure it out, you wouldn't get this chapter for another two months :/**

**Ah, one more thing. Since my computer crashed, I no longer have Microsoft Word or Open Office, and I haven't quite had time to get them back yet. So I wrote this in Notepad. Yeah. Effing NOTEPAD. Gah, I hate Notepad... But please excuse any and all grammatical errors due to a lack of spell check, ha. I'm pretty sure it's good, but I might have missed a few here and there~**

**I'll shut the hell up now and talk later after you read the chapter, because I now that's all you want to do. **

**So enjoy! :D**

* * *

I sidled along the wall of my house, crouching low and pumping my Nerf gun. Renji followed behind me, making less noise than me because of his damn Soul Reaper training. I stopped as we reached the corner of the house, leading right to the front yard, and motioned for Renji to stop as well. I glanced back at him, awkwardly holding his own Nerf gun and looking like he'd much rather be weilding his Zanpakuto, and hid a smile.

"We're going in. Cover me, alright?" I murmured.

"Tch, shouldn't you be the one covering me? I've had more experiences fighting in wars than you have." he growled.

"Yes, but have you ever even held a Nerf gun before this?" I retorted.

"Well, no..." He admitted.

"That's what I thought, Pineapple Head." I snapped.

"But didn't you say this was your first Nerf gun war, too?" He pointed out.

"Irrelevant!" I hissed. "Now you gonna watch my back or not?"

"Yeah, yeah, I got it..." He grumbled, pumping his own gun.

When we had gotten back to my house, four of Zane's friends had been there. No one had been home pretty much all day, and they were wondering where Zane was. I'd made up some lame-ass excuse about a summer camp and then distracted them by inviting them to have a Nerf gun war with us. I'd figured that's why they wanted Zane, since they were all carrying Nerf guns of their own. They agreed, and we split up into two teams.

My team included me, Renji, and two of Zane's friends, Thomas and Kenny. Max's team was her, Shuhei, and Zane's other two friends, Tim and Lucas.

It had gotten pretty intense. Thomas and Lucas were twin brothers on opposite teams, and they showed no mercy. Neither, of course, did Max or myself. And after Renji and Shuhei got the hang of it, they really got into it, too. Tim was just a damn ball of energy, and he didn't really care if who he shot was on the opposite team or not. He pretty much shot at anything that moved. I think he even a squirrel at one point. Then there was Kenny. He was definitely the most mild of Zane's friends, but I think that was mostly because of some health issues. He did things in a more strategical way than the others, who just kinda charged in screaming like savages.

At the moment, Thomas and Kenny were somewhere inside the house, looking for the other team. Renji and I were outside, doing the same. No one was "dead" yet, so our teams were tied for the moment. We agreed on three shots to "kill" someone, and both Renji and I had two shots already on us. But so did Max and Shuhei.

"Be ready." I warned. "One shot and it's over."

He nodded, and we quietly crept around the corner like ninjas.

All clear.

We moved out into the open, though we stayed close to the house. We could use it as protection. "I don't see them..." I muttered, my eyes sweeping the small front yard. The only rules were that we had to stay within my property, with the exception of the gravel alleyway that cut down the middle of my block and led to our driveway in back.

The inside front doors were open, the screen one still closed, just like we'd left it. The gate was still unlatched and hanging open, a rule we agreed on to make it more fair since that thing liked to get stuck if you tried to open it really fast.

"Let's check the alley." I said. Renji nodded and followed me down the sidewalk, out the gate, and down the sidewalk again to the alley. There was no one in our immediate sight, but I kept my gun at the ready as we cautiously made our way towards my driveway. I didn't like being in the alley; it was too open and way to easy for them to ambush us. There were only two directions you could run, and if they closed us off at both ends we'd be screwed.

"Found you!"

Renji and I whirled around to see Max and Shuhei standing in the alley, blocking our escape.

"Shit!" I screamed, spinning back around, only to find that Tim and Lucas were blocking us off the other way.

See? SEE? THAT is precisely why I didn't like being in the fucking alley!

"Dammit," I muttered, pointing my gun at Tim and Lucas, back to back with Renji, who was pointing his at Max and Shuhei.

We had four guns aimed at us, and there were only two of us. We didn't stand a chance, and I knew it. I only hoped that Kenny and Thomas were still in the game.

"Kenny and Thomas are dead." Max said simply, as if reading my mind, and I could hear the smile in her voice.

FUCK.

"I see." I replied. Renji and I turned in a half circle, so my gun was now pointing at Max and Shuhei and Renji's was aiming at Tim and Lucas.

I grinned at my deary Max, my finger on the trigger. "You haven't won just yet, deary." I said.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh, haven't we?"

"No," I said, my finger tightening on trigger. "Not just yet."

"Sorry, Meri-chan." She said with a smile. "But we have."

And then she pulled the trigger.

Actually, they _all_ pulled their triggers.

So I ducked.

Yeah. That's right. I pulled the lamest move EVER and frickin' ducked. Renji, however, was not so lame and stood standing. He was hit by four bullets and went down.

From the ground, I aimed at Max and pulled my trigger as well. But, naturally, I fucking missed my target.

Instead I hit Shuhei in the balls.

At least it wasn't a total fail.

He went down with a yell. Damn, I didn't know Nerf darts hurt that bad. I mean, yeah I know I hit his balls, but seriously? They're just rubber and foam, it couldn't hurt that bad, could it?

Renji started cussing me out for being lame and ducking, and while Tim and Lucas were distracted with thinking they had won, I loaded my gun with the bullets that had hit Renji and shot them both.

"Oh shit dude, she got us!" Tim yelled, laughing. "We're out!"

"Ah fuck that!" Luke yelled.

I whipped back around to face Max, still laying on the gravel driveway, only to find that she was _right fucking there_, her Nerf gun pointed directly at my heart. I had brought my gun up as I turned around to aim at her, and I found that my gun was already pointed at her chest.

We smiled at each other.

"Well," I said.

"Looks like this is it." Max said.

"Looks like it."

My finger tightened on the trigger.

"It was a good game." I said, trying to sound as serious as I could and _not_ burst out laughing my ass off.

"T'was." Max replied, the corners of her mouth twitching like she was also holding back a flood of giggles.

And then we both lost it and burst out laughing so hard I almost dropped my gun. Then we fired.

The bullets hit us at the same time, boucning off harmlessly and plopping to the ground. We laughed even harder at how completely anti-climactic that was and dropped our guns. Max held out a hand to help me up and I took it, pulling myself to my feet.

"Wait...so who won?" Shuhei asked.

"Both of us." Max and I replied at the same time.

"It's a tie." I said.

Shuhei looked about to say something else, but then he stopped. "Renji..." he said slowly. "Do you feel that?"

"Yeah." Renji replied, suddenly serious. "It doesn't feel like a Hollow. What do you suppose it is?"

Oh holy shitballs, something was here? I looked over at Tim and Lucas, now joined by Kenny and Thomas as well, and one word popped into my head, several times:

FUCK.

FUCK. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

"What kind of something?" I demanded. "Something that could potentially harm and/or mentally scar those boys?"

"I don't know." Shuhei replied.

"What the hell do you mean you don't know?" I hissed angrily.

Suddenly, I felt it too. A weird static in the air that made my long hair, which has a tendency to be very sensitive to static, frizz out. I smoothed it down with my hands and looked up, where it almost felt like the static was coming from. Max looked up as well, frowning.

A shimmering golden veil appeared out of nowhere, suspended in the sky. I felt my jaw drop as all of us, including Zane's friends, looked up and watch two people fall out, one of them screaming.

They landed on the ground with a loud thud beside me, and my eyes widened.

"ZANE? WHAT THE FUCKING HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

* * *

**A/N: Ha, yess...**

**So, I want to say a super special awesome thank you to KurosakiCrystal18 for being the _200th reviewer!_**

**_Holy hell, _you guys._ 200 reviews?-! _That's fucking amazing! I did not_ ever _think I'd get 200 reviews!**

**And so, with only a little begging on Crystal's part, I decided to do the same thing I did with the 100th reviewer- Crystal is going to make a guest appearance in the story~!**

**Next chapter! It will work out much, _much_ better next chapter, trust me. **

**And, if by some crazy magic awesomeness this story reaches 300 reviews, after I recover from the heart attack I will surely have, I'll also let the 300th reviewer make an appearance in the story.**

**Sound good?**

**Good :D**

**And if anyone reading this watches Hetalia, go check out the fic I posted last night. It's GerIta fluff I wrote for a friend~**

**IT'S SO CUTE.**

**Now, I shall disappear to go watch an episode of Mirai Nikki. WHICH IS TOTALLY A FUCKING AMAZING ANIME THAT YOU SHOULD ALL WATCH. I LOVE IT. -HEART-**

**I shall see you soon -hopefully- so don't forget to leave a review~!**

**Bye~!**


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